[ too good, and she'll punch him for it sooner rather than later —it's the killjoy way of settling differences, or maybe it's just the dutch way. she's never much cared one way or another.
she does care, to some extent, about the sense she gets from him. the walls, the stuntedness. the way everything feels far away. it's the kind of thing she imagines would have made khlyen proud, the kind of distance he'd tried to instil in her. the kind of distance she refuses to maintain. that she's been refusing to maintain ever since she ran away from him.
part of her is reminded of sabine's words. why do you think khlyen trained you like that? not how to kill. how not to care. shut your heart down, scar by scar, and made you afraid to trust or love anyone, even him. all so you'd have a better chance of surviving the six transition intact. deep inside, most of you is already dead. it's a memory that makes her glad she's no longer touching cassian, even if she's still standing close to him, well into his space, even if his expression is still vaguely flirtatious.
he doesn't feel any of what shows on his face. she knows that now. (she doesn't blame him or feel betrayed. she doesn't care enough for that about a stranger she's only just met, but she's also showing only part of what she feels to the world, has been putting on a show for a while now for anyone who might be watching. she couldn't blame him even if she cared.) ]
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she does care, to some extent, about the sense she gets from him. the walls, the stuntedness. the way everything feels far away. it's the kind of thing she imagines would have made khlyen proud, the kind of distance he'd tried to instil in her. the kind of distance she refuses to maintain. that she's been refusing to maintain ever since she ran away from him.
part of her is reminded of sabine's words. why do you think khlyen trained you like that? not how to kill. how not to care. shut your heart down, scar by scar, and made you afraid to trust or love anyone, even him. all so you'd have a better chance of surviving the six transition intact. deep inside, most of you is already dead. it's a memory that makes her glad she's no longer touching cassian, even if she's still standing close to him, well into his space, even if his expression is still vaguely flirtatious.
he doesn't feel any of what shows on his face. she knows that now. (she doesn't blame him or feel betrayed. she doesn't care enough for that about a stranger she's only just met, but she's also showing only part of what she feels to the world, has been putting on a show for a while now for anyone who might be watching. she couldn't blame him even if she cared.) ]
Every damn one of us. No clue why.