Heavy is the head that wears the crown. In this case, the crown she placed herself.

( It's meant to be an intuitive observation. Even advice of a sort. )

Had you not gone, or organized your expeditions, someone else would've. But, from our correspondence, I believe you want answers as much as the rest of us. Stephen can't begrudge you for that. And, Stephen wasn't whisked off to god knows where else, or you could've been further understaffed. I don't think it behooves you to feel guilty.