[ lexa sobs, shattering what strength cas had left in him, and he pulls her close, arms tight around her shoulders and a hand stroking over her hair. funny, how time condenses in moments like these. late nights with a much younger lexa float back through his memory, consoling her over nightmares, quiet fears of the world they're facing, the parents meant to be raising them, uncertain futures ahead. all those things he failed to protect her from.

it's backwards now, her trying to steal him away and hide him, and cas shakes his head, clearing his throat before he speaks to keep the lump of emotion threatening to choke him from interfering. ]

I can't leave Dean. My recklessness is the reason he's caught in this.

[ he'll die because of him, and that's a regret cas will have to take to the grave, unless he can see dean through all this. navigate him past the tricks and traps he knows, bring him to the light at the end of the tunnel. it's sad, but it's his reality now, and he owes it to everyone he's hurt to face that reality head on. ]

They'll find us. [ cas murmurs, like an apology, and pulls back enough to watch her with a bittersweet smile. ] They always do, and I can't—... I can't bring anyone else down with me.

[ lexa's already in enough danger simply meeting with him. aiding and abetting a fugitive would damn her completely. it's enough he's taking dean with him, cas can't let lexa be added to that list. ]