meadowlarklogs | closed ✧ the arrow had been feathered with one of the eagles own plumes

[ he and jyn are - ]

[ they're okay. things aren't ruined, but things are weird. it doesn't surprise him that her brother would have told her. he knows without a doubt he would spill the beans for any of his friends if they were caught fucking someone lying about who they were. she isn't going to rat him out at any rate, and when he next shows up to work, nothing has changed, no one is suspicious. he believes her wholly only then. ]

[ it isn't until the end of the day where cassian feels like things might go sideways, and it's because he notices sébastien waiting for him just outside. he hasn't been spotted himself yet, and there's always a chance the man is just here to see someone else - but who among the volary comes down to transport engineering for funsies? half of them don't even know how this shit operates. cassian could have wrecked it ages ago, if only it weren't the congregation who make the most use of it. ]

[ so he just prepares himself for the worst as he clocks out, and it's probably too much to hope he can slip by unnoticed. sébastien makes eye contact with him almost as soon as he walks outside, and cassian sighs internally, but he holds his shoulders up high. it was maybe a mistake letting jyn know where he worked, but occupation is harder to ignore with all the time they've spent together. it was too hard to lie about it, and he'd rather jyn know that then where he lived. ]

[ he doesn't know exactly what sébastien wants from him, but there's only one thing they have in common. ]

Your sister and I have already talked. I do not need a lecture or a threat.

[ this man has the power to turn him in, but he also knows how much sébastien loves jyn, and cassian hopes that's enough to prevent it. ]

[ It seems that Cassian's tattoo has become a real point of conversation lately, meaning very different things to Jyn and Sébastien.

Perhaps a part of him had initially come here with the intention to give the other man a final lashing, or at least that's what he tells himself on his way here, because why shouldn't he? He feels a familial protectiveness over Jyn that he hasn't felt with anyone else, not his own blood relatives, and Cassian's presence and position in the fabric of the Aerie threatened the already fragile world Jyn was rebuilding around herself.

But Sébastien has been thinking and now, it seems, he was only going to add more fuel to the fire, more possible devastation in his little sister's life.

Between the Quarry and just about everything else stirring within his heart and in the Volary: the books, the actions, the conversations, Sébastien has considered many times what life would be like if he finally did become a Cardinal in a broken, corrupt system, and for all that he is a selfish, ambitious man, the future didn't look right. And perhaps he has changed. Perhaps the years of suffering in the Congregation and the years spent dragging himself to Rook status were starting to feel fruitless. Maybe love had changed him. He isn't sure.

All he knows is that he is possessed with this idea and he has to follow it through, whatever else might happen after. ]

As much as I would love to give you both of those things, that's not what I'm here for. [ He has no doubt Jyn spoke to Cassian shortly after they'd talked. ] I came on my own volition.

[ cassian is suspicious, because that is now two people in the volary who know of his tattoo, which is more than it was before he started sleeping with jyn. it definitely was not supposed to turn out this way. ]

[ so, sébastien coming to him and saying it's not about jyn? it pulls at his suspicion more, because the only other thing that makes sense to him is this man wants to turn him in but is maybe giving a heads up first. ]

[ cassian doesn't trust any of them. he never has! they don't do anything for anyone other than themselves, so cassian continues under the assumption that whatever this man wants from him, it's related to the backstabbing upper echelons. his guard is still up with the tallest walls. ]

To do what?

I — wanted to speak with you about the Quarry.

[ Cassian really has every right to be suspicious of Sébastien. He's a rook after all, and up until now he's never really shown himself to be more than a mild sympathizer at best. But the thoughts like the ones he has now are treasonous, and the drive to do something about it consumes him, especially as the days to the aforementioned Quarry grow closer and closer.

Still. Cassian's suspicion is fully warranted and Sébastien finds himself making an effort to drop his usual pretense, the mask of calm, uncaring confidence he usually wears in front of everyone — both parliament and congregation folks alike. ]

I am not a participant.

[ he is very careful to never be caught breaking the law. ]

[ but - there is something in the way sébastien speaks now that is strikingly different from how he was in jyn's house. there's no carelessness. no confidence. no casual air of everything being beneath him. it doesn't set cassian at ease, and he isn't going to ask for much clarification. if sébastien wants something, he'll have to squirm his way into getting it. ]

[ it could be proof of kestrel plans. it could be simply seeking information. but cassian has been a kestrel for far more years than sébastien has been a rook and he's not just going to start blabbering because a rook wants him to. ]

I think someone of your position would know more of the quarry than me.

Of course.

[ If he wanted to, he could waltz into the offices and probably gain a few extra details about the arena, what they'd had planned. Quentin would be easy enough a mark to learn whatever he wanted to about the design of the place, perhaps even the daily schedule. But that was something different entirely from ... well, what he was thinking.

What he wanted to do about the entire arena.

Which, well. No point in beating around the bush any longer, right? He keeps his voice low so no passersby might catch the sound of his voice, and certainly not the words he speaks. ]

I want to stop it.

[ of all the things sébastien could have said, this is literally the last thing cassian expected. he's surprised, but schools his face to mask it. he has no reason to trust it as true. ]

[ it doesn't mean he can't try to wheedle more information. ]

Not here.

[ he walks without waiting for the other man to follow, wanting to put more distance between his job and this conversation. sébastien trails behind him anyway, and it's about five minutes later that he guides them both into a park, quieter, without anyone else around. ]

Why the change of heart? [ he is assuming it might be a trick; all sébastien needs to do is hear a hint of kestrel leanings and that's it. so, for now, he can and will be careful with his words. ]

[ Cassian, of course, has no reason to trust Sébastien and he's aware of that. In a strange and very familiar way, this feels like déja vu and he is a man constantly trying to find his place in the Aerie.

But he follows the other man without question, the journey a silent one. It isn't until they arrive at a park he has never been to before that Cassian stops and questions him.

Sébastien could be selective with what he chooses to tell the other man too, of course. It wouldn't be unlike any correspondence he might have with a member of the Parliament. But this is not the time for that. ]

A friend of mine was wrongfully thrown into the Quarry. [ He pauses, because it isn't even just that, though Nile's sentence was certainly the straw that broke the camel's back as it were. ] I know it seems selfish that I would only care now, but I would not risk everything if I didn't believe in this. If I didn't believe in your cause.

[ he tries to run through the list of names, to see if any of them stand out in relation to sébastien, but he'd been so initially focused on jack's name in there that he'd have to go back and reread. and he will, rest assured. ]

Just one life changed your mind in this? After all these years? [ he swallows down his anger, because cassian knows that is one of the easiest ways to persuade people into the cause. someone they know and care about gets thrown into the quarry. they go looking for an outlet. the kestrels offer one. it's honestly pretty standard. ]

[ but the jyn factor keeps him extra cautious, worried this might be some kind of revenge for hurting his sister. ] Most people only seem to care about the quarry when it hits them personally. You say you want to stop the quarry. This one? Or all of them?

[ It's a fair question, and yes, Sébastien answers in a way that would be acceptable, but he believes it too. Just because Nile is safe this round doesn't mean she couldn't be thrown in to the arena again. Or anyone else he might know. Or perhaps a friend of Nile's or of Joe's. It would be an endless cycle. ]

I don't want anyone I know or anyone who knows anyone I know to risk being thrown into the Quarry, certainly not for the entertainment of those who are untouchable in this.

[ Including himself, really, and any other person in his level of power. It has been a blessing, but everyone should have this level of protection.

So: all of them. ]

Not now, not again.

[ At this point, if anyone might be hurting Jyn, it would be him for leaving her up in those towers by being here. But there's no turning back now. ]

[ either jyn or sébastien could have turned him in already if they wanted to. that's the part he keeps coming back to. ]

How many of us do you know in the congregation from your tower? [ ok look. he can't help it. he doesn't even expect an answer, her just wants to remind sébastien that there is a difference. ]

It is not just the quarry. It is all of it. [ the quarry is a big part of it, but the kestrels want it all to end. that's cassian's ultimate goal. he knows some of them prefer to start smaller, some might prefer an easier change for a first move, but cassian wants it all gone. ]

You aim to take out your own position. [ this time it's not a question. it's a fact, a reminder, and perhaps cassian is still looking for reassurance and confirmations. ] The quarry is wrong. It has been wrong since it's inception. You benefit from it now, and you need to acknowledge that.

[ Sébastien nods.

If it's confirmation Cassian wants, he can provide it. ]

I acknowledge it. As I've said, I realize what I'm putting on the line, being here. I know what I'm giving up. I wasn't born into it, so I understand every bell's worth that I'm leaving behind.

[ cassian is still suspicious, but that's second nature. he's always suspicious. it does not stop him from running over everything he knows about sébastien: things he's heard from jyn, things the man himself has shared, the occasional word through the grapevine. he is already thinking of how this can be used. of what a rook could do, the doors it might open. he's hardly the first, but it never hurt to get more. ]

[ the more kestrels there are, the better they can do. the more they can do. he just has to be one hundred percent sure that sébastien is being honest. he's hovering somewhere in the nineties, currently. ]

Then why did you want it in the first place?

What person would not want a better life for themselves?

[ Sébastien shrugs, not to be facetious in any way, but because it is his honest truth. He isn't comfortable sharing his own personal sob story, not now anyway, but he thinks of his childhood and losing Pietro to the Quarry before he had barely made it out of his teens.

He thinks of the immediate gut-wrenching instinct to run away from it, run as far as he could, run upwards — and yes, it is a selfish sense of self-preservation that he has had to learn from. Years later, he did learn from it; it's brought him here. ]

I put my entire existence into it until it was the only thing to work towards. I had a singular focus, considered the Volary my utopia.

[ Obviously it was far, far from it — though he would not so quickly dismiss the connections he'd made, the family he'd found, either. ]

[ it's exactly the kind of logic that leads to someone wanting to up their standing in this world. plenty of people have shuffled upwards, some of them simply because they never want to go hungry again. he doesn't need details. cassian lives in the congregation, he knows how dire things can be. ]

And you have since found it lacking? [ it's clear that's the case, or something similar. cassian is still searching for as many admissions as possible from sébastien, because before he even hints at any plans in motion, he needs to be sure it won't backfire. that sébastien won't suddenly decide his utopia is worth a second shot. ] Or was the journey itself what made you realize it was not worth all the murder?

It was a bit of both.

[ It was years of learning the ways within the Volary's walls and still never being enough. He could never forget his birthplace because no one would let him forget. It was always present at parties, amongst the company he kept, and there were, of course, the endless, pointless games. There were very few honest people in the Parliament, and those there were, Sébastien gathered to him, called them his family.

And it was the rose-tinted goggles coming off with this Quarry, and there were Joe's books, and the slow realization that he might either never become a Cardinal, or even if he did, nothing would change. It felt empty. He would not be any better than he was when he was a child of the Congregation, even if he had the bells and the fancy clothes.

And the people of the Congregation, they deserved better - they all deserved better. ] I've seen and done a lot while trying to climb that ladder. No. It wasn't worth it. It isn't worth it.

[ sébastien finally has a personal connection to someone in the quarry. he knows it radicalizes people, when a loved one is thrown in. some people don't care, but this man has connections to the congregation, and that tends to make all the difference. cassian understands it, knows how to use it, even if he's firm in the camp that it shouldn't take that personal injustice to realize the quarry is wrong. but he's very good at putting his own personal feelings aside to further the cause. ]

So then tell me, Sébastien, why have you come to me exactly? What are you after? What do you think I can do to stop it?

[ just because he already has a plan in motion doesn't mean he's going to automatically blurt out the deets. he has to be 100% sure sébastien isn't going to run to the nearest shrike. ]

[ Sébastien knows he's still under scrutiny from Cassian, and he wouldn't be doing his job, or doing it well, if he didn't. He just hopes that there's a part of him that might trust him, believe his words to be true — because they are. He might have turned his back on the Congregation once but he won't do it again. ]

You have connections, you're part of — [ He lowers his voice automatically, whether or not he really needs to in the quiet of the park. ] — you're a kestrel, non?

I want to stop the Quarry from happening. I want to be a part of its undoing.

[ He needs to be. ]

You know whether it's possible.

That is a lot to put on one person.

[ cassian certainly wants it to be possible, and he is working towards that aim. it's hard to trust sébastien, but it's hard for cassian to trust in general. all of his friends come from years of working together, of building a movement. and the whole point of building it is to make it bigger; they can only do that by bringing in more. ]

We cannot stop it from starting. But we may be able to stop it from finishing. Do you want to join us? As a kestrel?

[ There it is.

He'd been walking along this path for some time now, finding his footing, each step more confident than the last. He feels like this was supposed to happen, and now he's reached the end. The destination, as it were. And Cassian's question hangs in the air for a moment; not long, but it takes a second to close one door and open another.

If he accepts this, he can't turn back. But he'd already come this far, spoken words and allowed so-called 'treasonous' thoughts to fill his mind the way they fill his shelves. It would take no time at all to find him, and less time to end his life for it.

He thinks of Nile and Kai and the Quarry.

Sébastien nods. ]

Yes. I want to join you.

[ well. there's probably no going back from that. sébastien has said it aloud, which is as good a crime as having the tattoo in the first place. cassian might have been actively recruiting sébastien, but he still knows how to take it from here in doing the same to others. ]

That is where I can help you. And once you have been given the necessities, I may even have a task for you, if you think you will be able to continue moving freely in and out of the volary and then some.

[ cassian is not stupid. sébastien is a rook. he can use that position to move more freely. he may be able to more easily detonate the bomb than anyone else currently involved. ]

[ Sébastien nods. ]

Oui, I should be. No one will suspect my position has changed, not for some time.

[ He trusts Margo — the only one in the Volary who knows — not to say anything, to let what he'd told her come to light right away. Doubtless it will come out because the walls of the Volary have ears and secrets always come out, but if Margo protects this, it will at the very least delay the inevitable.

There will be enough time and then he'll be out forever. ]

You will need to keep up your usual routines and behaviors. With any luck your position will no longer exist sooner rather than later anyway, but in the meantime, it can be useful.

[ burn it all down!!! ]

[ he's planning to set off a bomb at the quarry. whatever comes of it, cassian hopes it breaks some of the structures down, physically and metaphorically. ]

Of course.

[ Sébastien nods again, understanding the gravitas of this new role, the way the slightest shift being noticed could get him into trouble; could wind up with him dead or worse. ]

Just tell me what I should do.

[ this has felt like a new chance, a solid chance, ever since his discussion with jack, and maybe part of that is because cassian is still refusing to consider a failure, as a failure would result in jack's death. ]

[ oddly, even sébastien's turnover makes him feel a little hopeful. if more and more people turn to the kestrels, even people within the volary, it means the frustration at their lives in this system is growing. ]

We will speak to that after the proof of your allegiance. But I can tell you it will involve a very important delivery.

closed ✧ the arrow had been feathered with one of the eagles own plumes

as though their minds were on fire with the flower of one perfect idea—

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