EVENT #11.4 / ARRIVAL LOG #029

[larkers]

WHO: Everyone!
WHERE: The Aerie as it ends in an anime-like fashion, New Tokyo, and New Amsterdam
WHEN: August 23, 2512 onward.
WHAT: Event ending, arrivals, and a lot of changes.
NOTES OR WARNINGS: Coercion and loss of autonomy, religious themes.

> EVENT #011.4 / ARRIVAL #029

As suddenly as they all vanished, the people who remained in the Aerie begin to return. These people have not died: instead, they seem to return peacefully after an extremely unusual experience. As the gods are freed, the Aerie begins to take on a different form, radically altered by this decision. The very fabric of reality unravels. It's not that the city continues to grow more and more dilapidated by the moment—instead, the Aerie ceases to exist, dragging everyone who remains within into a joint, out of body experience.

At once, everyone's memories return in full. As they float in what is an open space, they'll recall who they were once before, right alongside their alternate life in the Aerie. Even if they can't see them, they'll begin to feel the others there: not just that they exist, but their emotions: wonder, surprise, irritation, anger, fear, guilt. Somehow, they recognize that they're connected to the billions of living souls there alongside them.

What once seemed like a wide, open space comes to be recognized as a large, vast ocean. They float in the deepest depths of the ocean, and they begin to see sea life swirl around them. Whales. Sharks. The glint of a dying star? There are constellations in the distance, too far to reach. It's hard to say where they are, and impossible to communicate to ask, to try to reach one of the billions of other souls there. When they open their mouths to try, they only make an unintelligible sound. Have they, too, been transformed into those creatures? It seems, at least for a moment, like they're communicating via echolocation.

The constellations begin to burn brighter and brighter. As they touch the people there, they're able to see more clearly around them. There are hundreds upon thousands of animals, all with bright golden eyes. They push through the water quickly, and the gold in their eyes fully illuminates the space around them.

Once that illumination meets a critical mass, everyone begins to experience a different joint vision. From the very start, the experience itself is excruciating: they feel an object, vaguely comprehended, but perceived to be spear-like in nature, slicing into them, tearing them asunder. The misery results in a complete and total division of self: splintered and incomplete, scattered into trillions of tiny pieces.

An indefinite amount of time later, there is a stirring. Everyone feels frigid and cold. The chill is excruciating, but different from what it was before. And then, as if a physical feeling can become an emotion, that chill becomes anger. And then that rage starts searching, wandering—

Until it adapts and connects with the ocean around it. The gold in the eyes of the sharks and whales begins to dim. A feeling of grief and eventually peace washes over everyone who remains.

And then everyone begins to shift in their beds, awakening as if returning from a terrible nightmare. Of course, given that they recall all of it, it's likely not much of a nightmare. At least not in a literal sense. When they wake to check in on the world, they'll find it in much the same shape—with the changes being far less obvious at first.

> 30 SECONDS FROM TOKYO

At first, you'll hear the buzz of a motor, as well as smell the splash of ocean water not so far away. You'll find that you're on a boat, passing swiftly over the Pacific Ocean to come into contact with a large, man-made structure in the distance. While you're drugged, you find that you're unable to move much. An IV protrudes from your arm, keeping you sedate. When one of the guards on the boat turns to check on you, they'll find your eyes open. "Sit tight and don't move. We have to be welcomed inside." Even if you're naturally defiant, you find yourself forced to comply.

Eventually, the boat pulls onto a dock that extends from the city itself to welcome your arrival. The mechanisms are complicated and hidden. Unlike a drawbridge in our modern times, the dock extends swiftly and completely, welcoming the boat next to it. After the boat seems to anchor itself into place, the guards present begin to move each of the passengers one by one off the boat. You'll notice others like you: dressed in white, long-sleeved scrubs, with recently shaved heads, and a pair of white tennis shoes. Or most of them are.

There are two exceptions: Eames and Aeryn, who have their hair still, but are just as drugged and kept under. They went through a similar arrival process before the Aerie stole them away, and arrived back after the Aerie ended in a similar manner to Max. Their return to society is just less personalized due to the circumstances.

Eventually, you're taken through the city—a wonder in and of itself, as it's a complex system of elevators spanning both vertically and horizontally through the large, metallic structure—and eventually through the back door of a business.

"All right, listen up everyone. There are people coming to get you. We've got this place for the day, so sit tight." At this, everyone's forced to do as they're commanded. Even if you don't want to sit, you have no choice. "We'll direct the people to bring you water, but that's all. Ask them to show you the glow. And—from me to you?" The guard sounds … tired all of a sudden. Her voice is strained as she adds: "Try not to fuck more shit up."

At once, the guards start to filter out through the back door. As much as everyone left behind can't go anywhere, they sure can talk.

As this process begins, a message is sent to all of the Displaced in New Amsterdam via a private broadcasting channel, one that's meant to only reach a limited number of people. It seems Jimmy's found a way to hack it for his own use, but trying to trace this back to him will prove impossible:

Sorry everyone. Couldn't do an official drop off. I barely scrounged up the people I did to get them to town. They're sitting tight at a bakery called Sweet Omakase in New Tokyo. Just go in and tell the people up front that you're there to pick up a package.

Oh, I forgot to mention: I'll be reaching out to a few of you soon. So … yeah.

JH

As for that compliance drug?

◉ Though entirely capable of independent action and thought, new characters will find themselves completely, unquestioningly compliant to any verbal statement which could be taken as a command or request.

> NEW AMSTERDAM

Though the Displaced can make the choice to keep the newcomers in New Tokyo for longer than a few hours, it's generally not recommended. Morningstar in New Tokyo is in just as much disarray as the rest of the world, and El doesn't want to disrupt their recovery in these trying times. As such, it'll be necessary to take them on a secure route back to the New Tokyo gate, bring them to New Amsterdam, and start to get them ready for their new lives. Of course, they may see a little bit of New Tokyo along the way, but not much given the urgency. (The link is provided for brevity purposes—please see the "New Tokyo" section for a summary of the city itself!)

The abbreviated trip between New Tokyo and New Amsterdam will bring the newcomers back to a city that's been through … a lot. That means it's probably a good time to have a quick catch up, right?

> LAST TIME ON NAMSTERDAM!
Although a year isn't very long for even a human being, the Displaced have managed to make their mark in this unusual world. Having first been released out into the world in mid-June 2511, they started touching the world around them. Whether it was fighting a giant monster or curing people from the sickness caused by inhaling smoke from that giant monster's parts (as well as any tiny little monsters it brought with it) or taking on the UNA when they tried to wipe out an entire chapter of a rebel organization, the mysterious Blue-glowing people were there.

After over a year of interventions left and right, the Displaced finally came forward as a united group—one that's uniquely tied to a business they opened. No one knows they're from another world. They don't even know what the Displaced's powers are, though they've certainly seen them do fantastical things. One thing became apparent: while the Displaced were spotted in other cities around the globe, their influence has been most felt in New Amsterdam. And even if the world's governing body doesn't like it, the people of New Amsterdam have claimed the Displaced as their own.

Most recently, the entire world found itself dragged into another reality called the Aerie. The Displaced had gone through this before on a smaller scale, but this brought everyone present on the planet Earth to this other world. The Aerie was a miracle world: in order to prevent the death of humanity as everyone knew it, a group of heroes chosen by a handful of gods chained said gods and harnessed their power to create a safe haven for all of humanity. As a result of their actions, these people created a major class disparity in order to maintain the secrets of how they created the Aerie. Since billions of people were saved in the process, the Aerie ended up having an overpopulation problem. The answer? A battle royale for anyone who's committed a crime, held monthly.

Well, as these things go, about two hundred years into this horrible experiment, the Aerie started experiencing some challenges. Rebel groups and bombs and more! Eventually the gods were set free, and with it, the Aerie vanished into nothing.

Though the Aerie (and its smaller-scale predecessor, Zerzura) was undoubtedly brought into being by divine intervention, it doesn't help that the Displaced claimed that their powers seemed to be caused by interacting with gods. Troubling much? So, some of the world is divided, with New Amsterdam being the only pro-Displaced left after the Aerie. Of course, it's a touch more complicated than that.

And it doesn't all fall in the laps of the Displaced. After all, they didn't choose to have this happen to them.

An important thing to note is that New Amsterdam is a very, very green city. We don't mean recycling. As if powered by weird god magic, plants grow a-plenty in the city, leaving numerous trees and thousands upon thousands of credits in plumbing issues. Animals came into the city thanks to the absence of humans to start settling in. It's a beautiful city, one that seems as if it's actively fighting against being reclaimed by nature.

With the worldwide trauma, current singing events are currently on hiatus. This likely won't be permanent, but it's not as if anyone is looking to become a pop star at this exact moment.

But that's where New Amsterdam is currently, anyway.

> SUMMER PROBLEMS
Ah, water rationing. That's right: one of the tried and true traditions in New Amsterdam summers is water rationing. During the hot summer months, the city puts out water rationing warnings, and the city also answers the intense and extreme heat by making it so that businesses are open throughout the evening, with everyone sleeping during the daytime. However, the Aerie shot a lot of that preparation in the foot, so the city won't be able to reverse the clock.

Expect a lot of hot, miserable, and extremely humid days ahead. Thanks to the nearly tropical nature of the city at this point, humidity is a natural side effect of it all. The temperatures will be reaching from around 105 F to 115 F during the daytime. The evenings cool off, but certainly not by much, as they dip to only around 90 F to 95 F when the sun goes down.

Oh, and water rationing is most definitely in effect.

> RED WINGS
In February 2512, the bar known as Red Wings first opened. Positioned adjacent to the New Amsterdam stadium, where a wide variety of sporting events occur year round, it's the only business in New Amsterdam that's currently run entirely by the Displaced. However, a few other businesses are set to open in the near and distant future, all tailored to cater to the city that most of the Displaced call home.

On the inside, Red Wings is very, very red. There is a neon sign that's been recently repaired of the Great Lakes state (Michigan). In terms of being a watering hole, the bartenders are all Displaced and all very sympathetic to any newcomers headed their way. Need some free food or a chance to play pool to clear your head? Red Wings is the place to do that. There are tables throughout the bar. There used to be booths, but most of them got shredded during a recent monster attack and … well, tables are easier to replace.

It's likely that all of the newcomers will be brought to Red Wings first for a full meal before being taken to the safehouse across town.

And while there are blank projection screens around the bar showing news broadcasts of what just went down, none of the newcomers will be able to see any of them.

> MURAL
Throughout the past year, multiple murals have gone up around New Amsterdam by a Banksy-like figure. This figure is known to the people of New Amsterdam as Legion, and they tend to commemorate both the Displaced and their ties to the gods. In the Aerie, it was revealed that Legion was a wealthy woman by the name of Nirvana. Upon returning from the Aerie, another new mural goes up in New Amsterdam.

Legion's new mural explodes in color in the large corporate buildings that connect in New Amsterdam's financial district. It depicts the whole story of the Aerie from beginning to end: the conception, the Quarries, the attacks on both the Quarry and the Volary, and then the return. The imagery is woven together like a full story, each picture moving seamlessly into the next. Below are the colors of the gods, painted in vibrant colors that can be seen for miles.

There's specific imagery woven in as well, including the birds that represent the different groups of people, the eclipse and different phases of the moon to signify the timing.

It seems to say never forget.

> HELPING OUT
All around the world, returning members of Morningstar, PRESERVE, and even the cultists who once followed the leader, Ball (though the cultists are only working in New Amsterdam), all spur into action to try to help. Everyone may be traumatized, but they also likely prescribe to the notion of wanting to keep busy. Recalling the Aerie won't be pleasant, and the world needs help. New Amsterdam already has a head start thanks to the resource acquisition and work by a small group of Displaced, but now everyone is back to work.

The work in question? Feed everyone, first and foremost. Countless people are without fresh food. Working in conjunction with both the Red Wings employees and the cultists, PRESERVE will be putting up food banks all around the city. Marcos Diaz's food bank is likely to be fully stocked as a result of this, should he want to get that running again.

Other work that needs to be done involves plumbing, as the plants seem to have very much taken on a life of their own. They're absorbing most of the available water in the city, and have even made the water level decrease in the river (just a bit, though). Water rationing is even more important right now, but it may prove to be a futile effort if the plants aren't held back. Time to get moving. Anyone who wants to be an impromptu apprentice to a plumber is likely going to be welcomed onto the job. They need all hands on deck.

Finally, there are just the people who need help. Roaming bands of former UNA soldiers caused problems even before the mass return. Now they're meeting up and moving as if they're a gang of their own to return order to the land. However, these people are truly traumatized, and it's as if they're calling upon an old order that they can't quite recognize. The problem is that they're extremely dangerous. Though their weapons are mostly makeshift ones, they can fight with them. Along with these roaming bands, there are the catatonic and the confused people, all who could use some assistance to get back on track.

Sadly, the hospitals are not ready to be staffed by typical personnel. If anyone wants to take the lead on this and commandeer those medical centers, they can feel free to! Again, all help is appreciated, even if it might involve some slightly illegal choices.

> SPIRITUAL RECLAMATION
One thing that was significant in Meadowlark's world before the Aerie was a complete lack of religious or spiritual devotion, at least on a major scale. Smaller sects like the tiny cult in New Amsterdam were exceptions that ultimately proved the rule. After all, they didn't even have any written doctrine about their belief systems.

Things begin to change. Some of those changes are obvious, while others are less so—at first.

The first sign of this is in various preachers who take up spots on street corners to preach about the end of the world. With a muddled and confused ideology, these people build little podiums for themselves to speak about the end times: the Aerie was proof that humanity is only buying itself time before an inevitable end—and eventually, the gods will punish them for what they did. While the initial preachers will not have a clear messaging system, this will change in the coming weeks. In fact, it'll seem as if they're all deriving their ideology from the same place—even while located in different megacities.

Quietly, tiny religious communities begin to spring up. With real estate already in shambles before the Aerie, much of the construction has come to a halt in order for people to begin to psychologically heal. As a result, various warehouses throughout the megacities begin to be converted into spiritual centers. At first, these locales will be innocuous in nature, but in time, there will be a clear set of imagery connected to them. Some of that imagery will link back to the Aerie (with a lot of birds, as well as ties to either the Cardinals or the gods), or to the sacred geometry imagery that's been connected to the Displaced for some time.

These spiritual centers may simply be people squatting illegally, but it's not as if any of the various local police departments have the resources to stomp them out. It seems that the UN also views this religious devotion as harmless, at least compared to the other problems that could arise.

> NATURE'S RECLAMATION
Plants and a handful of animals have been at it for a while, but the world is definitely in the process of experiencing a second coming of … fauna? Some are springing up unexpectedly outside of walls, while others are inside of the walls themselves in many megacities. Did you know that pigeons were an uncommon sight in 2512? Well, were is an appropriate word for it. They're no longer uncommon. And what about that river in New Amsterdam? Never one to be a place for fishing, it's now filled to the brim with freshwater fish.

Want to go fishing? New Amsterdam will eventually require a license for it, but it's still early days. There aren't any fishing poles around to purchase, but someone can probably fashion one themselves if they have the know-how.

There will also be more wild insects. Pest control was a thing of the past for this world, but with all these new creatures showing up all over, that's going to be a concern once again. Unless, of course, it's prevented.

> SAFEHOUSE

Not long after their arrival, the new Displaced will be brought across the city to an abandoned hover-bike garage in a neighborhood that's clearly seen better days.

Located under said hover-bike garage, access to the safehouse is a hatch in the floor beside a rusted set of metal shelves that used to hold tools and supplies. The immediate area is similarly abandoned: full of rundown and dilapidated warehouses and forgotten businesses, where numerous people squat in hopes of having some stability because they can't afford a place themselves. The inside of this safehouse looks better than the outside, as it was beginning to be transformed into a training center by Ian Fowler. Once everyone is brought into the safehouse down below, they'll find no one waiting for them. Though Gaby, a Morningstar agent, is typically around, she's absent at this time. Any newbies will need to be filled in by their fellow Displaced, though they can also contact El through zeir inbox, if needed.

The safehouse is a large space with multiple rooms for storage, with the largest of the rooms filled with rows of basic cots set up to sleep a large number of people. Basic, but outfitted with everything necessary for daily life. A few doors lead to back rooms for storage, medical care, and a large communal bathroom, and past the long rows of cots there is a communal kitchen, fully stocked, and an eating area. Privacy is mostly nonexistent in the safehouse, with any past efforts that were made to change that destroyed by numerous attacks along the way.

◉ New characters will be asked to pick their beds, and be provided with a change of (second-hand, mismatched and somewhat threadbare) clothes and basic toiletries.

◉ There is a mini-bar set up in the kitchen. The quality of the alcohol inside is akin to what someone might get from the well at a bar, though it's running low because it hasn't been restocked since before the previous set of arrivals.

◉ While the kitchen has a lot of dried foods to cook, as well as canned and preserved vegetables, most of what's left in the fridge will need to be tossed. In addition, anyone looking for a jolt of caffeine from coffee or tea will find themselves sorely lacking. The only tea present is herbal in nature, and caffeine appears to be pretty much nonexistent in most of the beverages lying around.

◉ Along those same lines, newcomers will find that this is a world that is steeped in sustainable choices. Paper is a thing of the past. Ever used a bidet regularly? This world gives everyone a crash course in exactly what that feels like if they haven't done that before.

◉ Everyone will receive a modest stipend of credits from Morningstar to help them get by until they can find a job. This will be enough to cover their living expenses for about a month while they hang out in the safehouse, if they're careful with budgeting.

◉ The drugs making new characters compliant will remain in their systems for a few hours after their arrival at the safehouse before finally beginning to fade. They will be gone entirely after a night's rest. In the meantime, they may want to be careful of what others say to them.

◉ New characters will be given rudimentary access to the network upon arrival to the safehouse, but will not have their ID set up yet. They will be able to make posts and replies, but their messages will be anonymous—and they do not have inboxes yet.

◉ New characters also do not have access to the internet until their ID is setup. They only have limited access because they're present in the safehouse, but they can't surf the rest of the internet, check out Cooltalk, or watch the equivalent of Netflix until their ID is made.

◉ New characters cannot leave the safehouse at this time. The hatch is locked tight for them, making it impossible for them to get out for the next four days while they're locked inside. There won't be any immediately obvious ways to cut their way out through turning off the power, either. Time to sit tight.

◉ New characters will not be allowed to leave the safehouse until AUGUST 27, 2512 (JANUARY 23, 2020). These 4 days are for them to adjust, learn about the world they've arrived in from their fellows, and for El to speak with them and work on setting up their IDs.

> FINAL OOC NOTES

Welcome to Meadowlark, newbies! You're now free to post to the network and log comms. To reiterate, your characters will have no IDs or inboxes, nor be allowed to roam free once they enter the safehouse. Meaning: they'll have to sit tight until August 27, 2512 ICly.

All characters will appear as @anonymous on the network. While sitting tight in the safehouse, it's expected that they'll have gotten a good idea of their new situation from their fellow characters, and will have discussed their background and job potentials with El in order for their false IDs to be set up.

If you have any questions or ideas about how you'd like to get your character involved in the world, please head over to the plot engagement post and drop us a comment!

For questions pertaining to this log (and because we accidentally forgot to drop a questions header here, our bad!), please refer to our questions thread on the OOC post.

The January CR meme for the month is here.

Please check out our Event #011 Wrap Up Post for a rundown of all of the changes brought about through the AU, as well as any world changes that will be apparent moving forward.

As we announced on the wrap up post, AC will remain halved until at least June 2021. That said, for the month of January, we're making things check-in only because of the state of the world.

Finally, we'll be back to our standard planned calendar and AC (halved, just to be clear) on February 1, 2021. Reserves will open on January 23, 2021.

> NAVIGATION

Comments

[strove]

["We were all as one." It's not the first time that they've experienced that as Displaced. The dreams, the empathy bond—even the joint visions of the gates—were all ways to add to that. An exit from a place after the gods were freed was just another way to emphasize what they already knew of their experience. It's worrying that they freed the gods, too, given what Clarke knew of them before. Given the concerns that Lexa herself raised about them.

She steps closer, but her hand remains at her side, almost afraid to feel what Lexa is feeling right now.]

Do you feel like yourself right now? [And if she doesn't, what can Clarke do to help her feel that way again? Maybe touching her would help there, but she doesn't know if she can handle what might result in sensory overload. It might prove to be too much for Lexa, too.]

[coalitions]

[ Lexa remembers being so certain that releasing the gods was the only choice, that whatever justice they took of what happened to them was what the Aerie deserved. The consequences of a choice in a parallel universe could be their own undoing and it is something she will have to consider and live with later. Her eyes shut and she is back in that in-between, seemingly lost in the abyss but on a journey with all the others. ]

I think we felt the god die. I think we were in the thrall of a god bringing us from there to here. It was showing us ....

(She has no proof but she can't see another way around it. It is the only answer that makes sense, what else has power that strong? Lexa thinks it was trying to communicate. She also realizes she hasn't answered Clarke's question, but it's because she has no strong answer to it. Her eyelashes flutter and she breathes in and out slowly.)

Yes. I am Lexa of the Trikru. [ She swallows. ] I am Heda.[ That usually helps ground her but it doesn't feel entirely true at the same time. ]

I can show you. Do you want to see?

[ It seems wrong to offer without fair warning. Lexa has yet to share memories before but she knows it is possible, and her words can't fully describe what happened. ]

[strove]

[Is she Heda? Clarke knows it's the wrong time to question that. Her brain does it anyway, passing over that specific thought and deciding not to address it further. It's better for Lexa not to know. What they are to this world doesn't matter when their people get there. And she already knows that Lexa feels she needs to lead her people into a new way.

And Clarke agrees. She just doesn't know that starting with the pretense of Heda is a good idea. But what more can they do?]

I do. [Better to see than not know at all.] And anything else you think I'd need to know. [Clarke knows that commanders aren't accustomed to being able to pass on their secrets, but she also knows that she's a general exception to the rule when it comes to Lexa (and the whole Flame experience). So she isn't surprised for Lexa to offer.]

I left that world a lot earlier than anyone else.

[coalitions]

[ It is the simplest way to bring her back to herself, to grab a hold onto that name and identity with everything in her. She was never Lexa without Heda, her nightblood made her marked from the day she was born. Perhaps she is more than her blood now, and she could be in the future too, but to bring her focus back, it is a title she needs.

She guards her secrets carefully, but Clarke is an exception, and she is a nightblood too. And beyond that, far more importantly, she is the person she loves and trusts above even herself. There is no way to communicate all that she wants in words. Clarke understands that. She tries to avoid it at first, calming herself so Clarke does not see how she flounders on the inside, but she pushes her fear of too much honesty to the side. Information must come first.

Lexa reaches out to take Clarke's hand, lacing their fingers together and focuses. Whether she likes it or not, her rush of complicated emotions gather, to anyone else it might seem like a normal amount of them, but for her it is more. Confusion and frustration, an odd kind of longing she doesn't understand, the longing of a life closer to ordinary than not, but she pushes it all aside.

She shares with Clarke her memories after the bomb goes off. Rey, Clarke, and Dean are dead, and it tears the kinder girl apart. She rescues the survivors, including Castiel, and the two of them meet the other Kestrels to battle the Cardinals. It is violent and bloody but the real meat of it comes from seeing the gods captured. Lexa did not speak with Johann Grey, the one with Gold, but she saw him. And then everything breaks away into the vision the ones left in the Aerie had to experience. Powerful and tremendous and far more than words can say.

And then she woke up here and she is back in the room, so much going on that she feels unsteady. Lexa misses the simplicity of her life before, of being with her people and when the hardest thing she could imagine was bringing the tribes together. She feels hollowed out and yet too full at the same time. ]

Clarke. Will this go away?

[ The memories, the confusion. She needs to know what she is in for. ]

[strove]

[It's a lot.

To feel that grief, that pain—to see the aftermath of her death and see Lexa have to do everything she can to live despite it. The Kestrels were a family in some ways, even if Clarke had moved closer and closer to the fringes of it all as the final days of her life ticked on. She knew what she wanted: to die. She hid it from everyone else, but they could see her suicidal tendencies. They could see her falling apart. What had started as a casual fling between her and Lexa had turned into feelings and then disintegrated. That Clarke, near the end, had no real room for friends or love. She could barely stand herself anymore.

She can only hope that it lessened the blow for Lexa. Made it easier to bear her loss. There, at least. But she knows she feels it now in all contradictions and uncertainty. She knows it. She's been there.

Her mind has barely begun to process the rest, and to some degree, doesn't care enough to try. Gods in cages, weird metaphors, the works—Clarke has never cared about it being gods so much as seeing that it's gods and using it. She feels slightly frustrated at that, at knowing that it might be beyond her to be used. But she doesn't say it.

No, she focuses. Focuses on Lexa's words. Focuses on how she knows how keenly Lexa felt her loss, and how Clarke had kept them from being who they should have been because her pain was too great to be anything but that pain. The very focal point of who she was in every way.

Her throat is a bit raw when she finally speaks.] No. No, it won't. [No, it's not likely to go away.

She steps in closer, holding on to Lexa's hands firmly.]

But focus on this. On now. You are that Lexa. That's something that can't be cast aside. [It's the opposite of what Tidus would advise. But it's a damn good thing he's not here to fill her head with lies. He's not here to tell her that she's weak for being held down by the fragments of a different life.]

But you're this Lexa, too. Whoever you are after it. Just as I am both Clarkes. [It's complicated. Not reassuring. But she goes on.] But I wouldn't let you go. Not like I did there. I couldn't see what I had.

[She had been so selfish, so reckless, so willing to throw it all away. All that mattered was her pain. Acting on it.

Nothing else.]

[coalitions]

[ That Clarke pushed her away for her own suicidal drive but it still ravaged Lexa on the inside, and she had to watch her die, the same as Costia. She thought her own experience of Costia's death was painful, but this was worse. There was helplessness to standing there, shackled by the society that treated two women she loved as disposable. She didn't set the bomb off fast enough. She couldn't save Clarke. This Lexa wouldn't have waited, she would have set the world on fire for her Clarke, now that she's had her.

She's said before that she wished she wanted a different life but it has been too stamped into her mind that her path was the only option for her. No family, no friends, only a purpose greater than herself. But she had a family in this other life. A chosen one, stronger than blood. Lexa remembers late nights laughing, serious moments plotting, every choice they made as a unit.

Does she want it to go away? Maybe not, and that might be what's making her nervous. She opened her heart to Clarke fully, and her care for her people has never faltered, but it's different with new people. The more she cares, the more she can hear Titus. She presses her lips tightly together when Clarke holds onto her, her green eyes more expressive than the rest of her but Clarke's always been good at seeing through her. ]

I don't know how to be both. There is a huge difference. She felt so freely.

[ She loved others and let them love her. She never had Titus in her ear. Lexa holds onto Clarke's hands despite the swirling of turmoil in her. Clarke isn't judging her. She has always pushed Lexa to be more than her training. The words about letting her go might not resonate with this Lexa, who Clarke has clung to, but the other one in her feels it. ]

I wouldn't let you go either. I regretted letting you go and not storming in sooner. I made the choice I did with us, picking the plan over you.

[ History repeating itself, the mountain again. Making the smart play instead of the emotional one. And she regrets it. Nothing mattered in that moment more than seeing the light go out of Clarke's eyes. She shivers from the thought of it, releasing Clarke's hands to cup her face instead. ]

I choose you. In any life it'll be you.

[strove]

[Now they've both seen the other die. It only occurs to Clarke that this is the case when Lexa says she regrets not coming in sooner. It feels foolish and out of place. Why would Clarke ever ask her to do that? To risk that? Even though she betrayed her in the mountain, what she did inside of the Aerie feels so different in comparison. They were rebels. They were acting as they were supposed to.

And Clarke was supposed to die in there. She wanted nothing more than to die, not thinking twice about what her death would mean to Bellamy, Lexa, or anyone else. Even her peace in returning here feels wrong now, now that she knows what Lexa felt.]

You weren't raised as a warrior there. Heda wouldn't have hesitated. You would have already burned that world down. [They both would have, had they been introduced to that setting and forced to contend with it. Had they had a way of returning to themselves before the Aerie came to an end. Of course, Clarke knows that's why it had to be the way it was. Letting people like them move freely in that world would've destroyed the message.

Whatever that message was meant to be.]

So just focus on me. On what you have. On what we have. I'm sorry that I left you there, but I won't leave you here. And you won't leave me. [Because Clarke won't let her go.] Not again. I'd burn this world down, destroy any of the gods, if they even tried to take you away from me.

[Determination surges through the empathy bond. As much as the others are willing to judge Jimmy for what he's done, she can only think of her desperation after losing Lexa. Thinking she might get her back via Luna. And then sitting in denial when Lexa lived on inside of Madi. Too much is bound up in the existence of Lexa.

This world would fall apart if it tried to make Lexa's presence less permanent.]

And if anything, we can focus on that. Instead of what we were before, but only temporarily. I'm not letting you go. [Not through death, not through her own death. None of it. It will not happen.]

[coalitions]

I wish I had burned it down.

[ That she's sure of. Love did make her weak. She wonders if there's a middle ground, if she's already begun to find it, or if it's something that can be found. Lexa is unafraid of the consequences for fighting back, for ripping them apart. Without a blade she'll use her teeth and nails. There are things Titus did right too. She won't aim this anger toward the people coming out of it from the Cardinals though.

She knows when to use violence. That Lexa was an amateur. She listens to Clarke's words and understands them, shares them. Her pain at the loss of Costia lasted a long time, but with Clarke it would kill anything human left in her. They are too intertwined. She can't find it in herself to regret it. ]

We'll always be one, Clarke.

[ Lexa runs her fingers through Clarke's hair, looking into her eyes, holding onto her, onto this stability she's longing for. ]

I know it's not comforting that you've lived without me.

[ Lexa didn't outlive Clarke. She didn't have to be without her. She was spared that pain. ]

I'm not going anywhere and when we bring our people here, they'll have both of us. We'll make that peace for good.

[strove]

[For a moment, she stands there with her hands in Lexa's. Clarke feels more peace right now than Lexa should, but that's because she's had time to adjust to life after the Aerie.

And then inspiration hits her. They once spoke about "someday," and after the Aerie, it seems as if someday hasn't been allowed to be today. They're still waiting for their people. They're still waiting to fulfill that obligation. And even if they're together, they have to think about emerging as a united front for those people when the time comes.

For now, though, it's just them, Murphy, and Bellamy.

Her hands turn over in Lexa's and then pull back, just enough, to take up one of Lexa's between hers and draw it up to her mouth. Clarke's fingers kiss Lexa's fingertips, cautious and careful.]

We will.

[A beginning. Lexa knows Clarke will keep speaking when she gives a certain indication. She's giving it now.]

Until then, I'd like to make that official. Not through the Flame or through some gods dragging us away. Through us. I never got to have "always" with you. I'd like to change that now.

[It's not a traditional way of proposing. But it is a way of grounding Lexa in the now.

The Clarke of the Aerie was too focused on how she would die, rather than what she could have in the future. She had no future.]