meadowlarklogs | ARRIVAL LOG 011

ARRIVAL LOG 011

WHO: Everyone
WHERE: New Amsterdam
WHEN: November 5
WHAT: The eleventh arrival
NOTES OR WARNINGS: Coercion, loss of autonomy. Further notes at end of log.

> ARRIVAL LOG #011

Awareness comes to you in blurred snatches, cloudy fragments of sound and light, color, sensation. Hazy and difficult to grasp on to, but slowly aligning into focus. A series of regular, rhythmic beeps. A medicinal, astringent smell. The sensation of movement, a low hum and accompanying vibration under you. Your eyes are heavy, hard to keep open, but in the glimpses between slow, dark blinks you see four people in black body armor seated opposite you, as well as a man in dark gray scrubs.

You realize there are others next to you. All of you in white scrubs, hair recently cut but at various stages of growth, restrained by straps across your chests, arms, feet, holding you to the bench under you. To your left, an armored interior door, two more people visible, the movement of streets passing through a windshield. You try to open your mouth to speak, but it's as if your tongue is coated in tar, and you manage nothing more than an empty parting of lips.

The vehicle stops. The guard opposite you stands and comes to unbuckle you from the bench, helping you to your feet. Your limbs feel wooden and heavy, slow to move. One guard opens the back of the vehicle, and false, colored light, illuminating the streets in the distance will first alert your senses of being somewhere else, combined with air that's only cooled with the setting of the sun. The nurse moves to stand at the back, checking each passenger over one by one just before they're helped out of the vehicle, quick and methodical. He doesn't climb out after you, moving to sit as the last passenger is unloaded. The guards keep their heads down. Their actions are quick, firm, but not entirely unkind.

"Stay here," one of the guards barks, right before looking to the guard to their left. "You've got the honors of passing on the message from the boss?" he asks. The woman nods, and then steps just in front of him. "Now listen up, everyone! This is way warmer than I'd ever go for, but he's got a soft spot for you." She offers a twisted smile, as if she isn't keen to play messenger. "Hello, everyone. You're likely wondering how you got here." She pauses to roll her eyes at the joke – because it is a joke, albeit a bad one (in her opinion). "That's not something I can share right now. There are too many hands invested in this pie. But I need you all to stick to the festival, and not go looking for trouble. Don't hurt anyone. Don't look for a police officer. Have fun out there until it's time to process you. I don't actually know how that goes, but the ones like you? They've got it down to a science." She pauses here, looking puzzled. She's read this message in advance, but there are still aspects of it that stand out. Oh, they were warned about the others. To avoid them at all costs, because they'd be looking. "And sorry for the scrubs – I know they aren't great for a party, but they make you stand out. Have a good time. Just don't get arrested out there. I can only pull out my Beijing contacts so many times." This message is read entirely off her neural implant – not that the people dressed in scrubs in front of her would realize that.

After she's done, the last of the guards turn to climb back into the vehicle and close the doors. The engine powers up again, and then the bus is gone.

You're left alone in an alley, with no idea of where you are or why you've been brought here.

Around the corner of the alley, there are many food stalls selling foods in mason jars, as well as a stage off in the distance with people in colorful outfits moving in unison. It seems that you've arrived at some kind of festival, and believe it or not, this is low-key compared to some of the last.

◉ Though entirely capable of independent action and thought, new characters will find themselves completely, unquestioningly compliant to any verbal statement which could be taken as a command or request – and that includes the lengthy message passed on from the mysterious patron.

> HARVEST FESTIVAL

The message from El comes the same as usual: insistent, not waiting for any active attempt to open it. Scrolling within your vision as if being written while you're reading it.

Well, everyone, it's time for another round of saving your newly arrived displaced kidnapees. This time they're not blending in at all. It's white scrubs all the way. Probably doesn't really go with a harvest festival – is that some corn-in-the-cob in your pocket or are you just happy to see me? Anyway, have fun out there.

The New Amsterdam Annual Harvest Festival begins with a parade bright and early in the morning. Rather than being dressed up with large holographic displays with AR functions that interact with everyone's neural implants, this parade is au naturale. The floats themselves are handmade with careful craftsmanship and designs, especially given the lack of wood available in this world. Everything is bright and colorful. Between each float, there are large dancing troupes dressed in lavish costumes full of colors. Some of the dances featured are unique to this world and its future, while others pay homage to harvest festivals of the past, hailing from regions of Japan, Korea, China, India, Nigeria and the Philippines. The garb itself is unique to these regions – relics of a previous world, celebrating the harvest and promise of what may come in the future.

Unlike many New Amsterdam events, there is very little room for technology and heavy advertisements. While numerous subsidiaries provide donations for the harvest festival, they do so with the understanding that their involvement will be obscured. The harvest festival is meant to act as a way of celebrating the natural way of the world, and of stepping away from technology for a time. That said, there is little emphasis on any artificial intelligence or mentions of the Xelkoven War – it seems as if this celebration is meant as more of a pure revelry of what the Earth used to provide, rather than what humans managed to avoid.

Once the parade is done, there is a large festival in progress. Every worker at the harvest festival is there because they believe in this celebration, and thus they volunteered to be involved. Anyone who wants to be there because they chose to volunteer can. As for the native volunteers – a large number of them will be sporting numerous tattoos of unique symbols that have been seen around the city (most notably the Insomniac's Ball and the shrines to the Displaced). They'll look at any of the Displaced that they recognize with admiration, but won't be quick to engage with them.

The harvest festival is just a one-day event, but it's jam packed full of things to do!

> HARVESTS

While the hydroponic farms around New Amsterdam are always working to keep the citizens fed, they celebrate their harvests once a year at the harvest festival. Many of these farms come together and sell their vegetables in mason jars and even create various sauces for citizens to purchase. Want some delicious spaghetti sauce that's ready to go? What about taco sauce or something to make quick tikka masala? These food stalls have everything ready to go – and they're all too eager to share what they've made. The stalls all offer discounts to anyone who buys their jars in bulk, hoping that they can happily impart their delicious and natural foods to the citizens of New Amsterdam. While hydroponic farms on a whole are "less natural" in how they grow food, these jars of food are less processed. What's in there is, for the most part, pickled or cooked down into a sauce, making it so that New Amsterdam citizens can enjoy a flavorful meal.

> CHARITY

In a continuation of the mindset during Halloween, the harvest festival doubles as a site for charitable activity around the city. Gaby will ask Morningstar's people to set up a booth to collect any clothing donations, and it'll be obvious that while this booth is not noticeably linked to Morningstar, it's set up every year in hopes of gathering these clothing donations for people in need. The Morningstar booth isn't the only of its kind, and many of the food stalls with mason jars will also have a box for people to donate goods should they want to help people in need. Unlike every other New Amsterdam festival, there are no food trucks. Instead, there is an all-day buffet that constantly rotates out food so that people who are hungry can have a full meal as the day goes on. Everything is free. However, this buffet includes no alcohol – as if to counterbalance the drunken revelry during the Halloween celebrations, there is none on the premises here.

> FERTILITY

In the past, harvest festivals have almost always been linked to fertility. While fertility is less of a concern in 2511 – thanks to the rigid population control – there is a sense of hope that Earth itself, as well as the terraforming colonies, will eventually give way to a future where these mandates aren't as necessary. For now, the harvest festival celebrates the idea of fertility, as well as allowing the Earth to replenish itself. Fertility is an aspect in that, after all. One section of the festival's stalls is dedicated to this ideal, and has a unique tradition brought over from Japan. Each of the stalls feature large phallic structures on the top, and like the parade floats, these are newly made every year from scratch. In addition, the food stalls also partake in an all-natural popsicle contest (after all, it wouldn't be a New Amsterdam festival without some kind of food contest). These popsicles come in all different flavors – from strawberry to pickle brine – and are all slender and phallic in their presentation.

> DANCING

Throughout the day, music will always be playing while some form of dancing goes on on the main stage. Most of the day, this dancing is thanks to the dance troupes that come in and perform, even though they've already done it at length on the parade routes. Many of the volunteers will be put in charge of keeping these dancers fed and hydrated so that they can keep at it – though they're always happy for the opportunity that the festival offers them. When these staged shows aren't happening, they have interludes where festival-goers can come on stage and learn more simplified versions of the different dances from the Earth's cultural history. Once it's dusk, there is a two-hour long dance contest where these troupes compete with one another, putting on a unique show that they've prepared for the event.

> WRESTLING

The other event that goes on all day is an event borrowed from Korea: ssireum. Multiple people enter this wrestling contest, and thanks to the amateur-nature of it, there is little concern about who wrestles with one another (outside of age, of course). The sport itself involves two opponents holding on to each other's red and blue band called a satba. Throughout the contest, they try to put the other person down, making it so that their upper body touches the mat. There are rules set up to ensure that no one brings any real harm to their opponent, and since it's wrestling, there is no room for any dirty tricks like punching, kicking, biting or anything similar. When it's over, the person who's wracked up the most wins throughout the day is given a sash that declares them "The Most Powerful."

> SAFEHOUSE

Located under an abandoned hover-bike garage, access to the safehouse is a hatch in the floor beside a rusted set of metal shelves that used to hold tools and supplies. The immediate area is similarly abandoned: full of rundown and dilapidated warehouses and forgotten businesses, where numerous people squat in hopes of having some stability because they can't afford a place themselves. A dark haired woman called Gaby is ready to greet the new arrivals and get them settled in, brusque and no-nonsense – she'll be open for in depth questions later, but will advise everyone to ask the people who brought them in for the beginning bits of information.

◉ The safehouse is a large space with multiple rooms for storage, with the largest of the rooms filled with rows of basic cots set up to sleep a large amount of people. Basic, but outfitted with everything necessary for daily life. A few doors lead to back rooms for storage, medical care and a large communal bathroom, and past the long rows of cots there is a communal kitchen, fully stocked, and an eating area. Privacy is at a minimum.

◉ New characters will be asked to pick their beds, and provided with a change of (second-hand, mismatched and somewhat threadbare) clothes and basic toiletries.

◉ There is a mini-bar set up in the kitchen. The quality of the alcohol inside is akin to what someone might get from the well, but it's well-stocked.

◉ Gaby will make it clear to all new arrivals that if they have any requests or queries, they should contact her or El.

◉ The drugs making new characters compliant will remain in their systems for a few hours after their arrival at the safehouse before finally beginning to fade. They will be gone entirely after a night's rest. In the meantime, they may want to be careful of what others say to them.

◉ New characters will be given rudimentary access to the network on arrival in the safehouse, but will not have their ID set up yet. They will be able to make posts and replies, but their messages will be anonymous and they do not have inboxes yet.

◉ New characters will not be allowed to leave the safehouse until NOVEMBER 09 (JUNE 17). These 4 days are for them to adjust, learn about the world they've arrived in from their fellows, and for El to speak with them and work on setting up their IDs.

> FINAL OOC NOTES

Welcome to Meadowlark, newbies! You're now free to post to the network and logs comms. To reiterate, your characters will have no IDs or inboxes, nor be allowed out of the safehouse until NOVEMBER 09 (JUNE 17). At that point it's expected they'll have gotten a good idea of their new situation from their fellow characters, and will have discussed their background and job potentials with El in order for their false IDs to be set up.

As a note: all new characters arrive after the parade ends.

If you have any questions or ideas about how you'd like to get your character involved in the world, please head over to the plot engagement post and drop us a comment! For questions specific to this log, there is a thread below.

Please check out our June calendar rundown for a look at things happening this month, as well as some additional notes from the mods.

As a note to the entirety of our playerbase, we are at 58 players, which is 2 players away from our game cap! This is very exciting for us as moderators, especially as we quickly head toward our one year anniversary! There is a very good chance that this will be our last "full" arrival log for a while, though we have plans (and ideas!) in mind for future months.

As a reminder, AC for new characters accepted in June will be 10 comments across 2-4 threads, while current characters will need to provide the full AC of 20 comments across 2-4 threads. AC will be posted on July 1 at 12 AM UTC and close on July 8 at 12 AM UTC. If you do not reply to AC, you will be considered idled and dropped from the game. We will not post a warning list.

> NAVIGATION

Flat | Top-Level Comments Only

[ jyn immediately stands, head jerking in a startled nod even as a flood of relief rushes through her. it's irrational to have been so fretful over a finger, but fear is generally irrational. ]

Yeah, of course.

[ and off she goes, walking with him outside the clinic. she doesn't say anything, still eating her crisps, and waits for him to broach the subject of why he's in such a rush. maybe he's been given something for the pain though he hadn't acted like he was in much pain to begin with. jyn doesn't know how the medical care works here and she isn't looking to find out.

she might have gotten cassian to go to the clinic, but it isn't likely he'd be able to manage the same thing without carrying her there himself. ]

[ it'll take too long to go back to their apartment from here, and he doesn't know if daisy and illya are home. he pulls up a map of the nearby area and scans it quickly, looking for someplace quieter. ]

My finger is fine. There is something else.

[ because that's not ominous at all! but he wants to give her some kind of explanation for what is likely bizarre behavior on his part. he doesn't know how to broach the subject at all really. ]

[ he turns them down a different street. ] There is a park up here.

[ he had her at park. jyn would have followed his lead regardless because she's too curious by nature to just let an ominous statement like that slide. but also fair is fair, she'd burst into their bunk and dropped a load of manure on him, turn about is fair play. ]

Yeah, I know the one.

[ she lets them walk in silence without pressing him, moving into the park and finding a spot that isn't inundated with parents letting their small children run off their energy in the oppressive humidity so they'll fall asleep easier.

jyn recognizes it, idly, as something her mother used to do with her.

she finds a tree with huge overhanging branches, dripping with fragrant delicate purple flowers, and settles down in the grass underneath, welcoming the shade as fat bumblebees buzz around the last of the autumn flowers at the base of the tree. ]

What is it?

[ he appreciates the quiet in the remainder of the walk; it lets him get his thoughts in better order than the jumbled mess of the medical visit. ]

[ cassian lets her take the lead over to the tree, and he watches her sit down in the grass. he should probably sit down too. how many times has he sat up and sat down none-the-wiser about his spine? he'd known the scar was bad, but he'd just assumed it was extensive surgery... not whatever it is they did. replacement? implants? he doesn't even know how much of it is fake and how much of his real spine is left. he hovers upright, standing. ]

[ he's unnerved. ]

The doctor was extremely surprised I did not inform her about the cyberkinetics in my spine.

[ he thought about it! but there is no real way to ease into it. rips off the band-aid. ]

Edited 2019-06-18 02:25 (UTC)

[ the extreme surprise is also splashed across jyn's expression, looking a bit like she's been slapped with a fish. of all the things she might have expected cassian to tell her (their blood is irradiated because of the death star (side note: look into that), he has hpv, he has literally zero of the required vaccinations, he squints because he needs glasses not because of all the squinting into a scope), that his spine has cybernetics is not one of them.

but on the other hand... ]

It makes sense, doesn't it? You broke you back.

[ how he managed to follow her to the top of the citadel tower, how he managed to hold her back from finishing krennic with her bare hands, how he managed to walk with her across the beach is still baffling to her because she'd heard every crunch and crack as he fell.

that much damage would have needed days in a bacta tank, maybe weeks, surgeries upon surgeries, maybe even cybernetics in their own universe -- though undoubtedly less medically superior. it does make sense for his spine to need help. ]

I know they didn't say anything to us when they dropped us off, but that's sort of something they should have mentioned.

[ he bristles. not at her, just @ the world. ]

It is not that it does not make sense. [ because it does! he remembers the crunch of his spine, and if they hadn't walked out to their (presumed at the time) deaths, there are all sorts of surgeries and multiple trips into the bacta he would have gone through off scarif. and the medical technology is even more advanced here. ]

[ but he has no idea what his body went through. he already has the neural implant, and he knows the scar up his back is large and spindly. that's all he's got. ]

But how could I not know? [ that's what jars him more. the frustration of it simmers, and he's trying to keep it at bay. ] I have no idea what it is, what they did. Who did it. I could not even ask questions at the clinic, I had to pretend I already knew it was there.

You didn't know because they don't tell us anything.

[ maybe she should have investigated further when she saw cassian's scar because now it makes sense for it to be so massive. they replaced his entire spine with a new one, that would leave quite a scar. ]

Daisy knows a doctor inside our ranks. Maybe he could look at it? If anything, you'd have a doctor to question.

[ what she says to him is very logical, and cassian thrives on logic. realistically it should settle him, but instead he just... feels a surge of anger. he doesn't know why he doesn't try to swallow it down, except maybe because he's only around jyn. ]

Too busy drugging us to even tell us where we are. [ how many drugs must he have been under for them to perform such an extreme spinal surgery? he knows the medical technology is advanced here, but he just...]

[ he had no idea. it's an ugly scar, but he couldn't even tell. it's a violation, if only for the simple fact he had no idea. he keeps circling back to that, because if there's one thing cassian always prided himself on, it was his own autonomy. he idly reaches out to touch his back, but whips his hand away quickly, curling fingers into a fist. ]

I would need some sort of x-ray machine, and even then there are questions about the technology, and knowing my luck everything will just end up classified. [ he spits out the word. ]

I have lived here for over a month with this inside me and I did not know.

[ there is nothing jyn can say that will make this better. they were drugged and poked and prodded and given invasive surgeries and get to keep no records of their own medical interventions. and on top of that, cassian had major, extensive surgery without consent or even a word afterward.

it's fucked up. there is no way around it.

she looks up at him, at the anger and frustration on his face, in his posture, in the way he is biting his words out. he needs to let it out and lose some of that self-control he prides himself on. ]

I know.

[ on the one hand, he appreciates that jyn doesn't try to pretend it's fine or will be fine or try to calm him down. he can feel his grip on his anger slipping and she doesn't seem interested in his keeping it contained. it lets him... let go more, in ways he hasn't in years. he feels like he shouldn't, but he also just wants to let himself feel something about these circumstances. he's so tired of pretending he has to pretend everything is fine when it clearly is not. ]

[ there have always been parts of his life that made him furious. he always channeled that into the rebellion. he doesn't know where to channel it here. it curls inside him without any outlet, and jyn doesn't tell him it needs one. his anger is quiet but no less vitriolic, seething under his skin. ]

I do not know anything.

[ at the word anything, a flurry of pebbles and chunks of earth fly up from the ground, shooting off into several different directions. a handful stay floating in his general vicinity, shaking with the anger rushing through him. ]

[ one of the pebbles hits her collarbone hard enough to make her flinch but she doesn't give even a single fuck, mouth popping open in surprise. jyn had discovered her power within minutes of arrival, because her anger is the only emotion she's never held back, but cassian keeps everything so close...

she doesn't know if she is surprised it took him this long to discover it or surprised he discovered it so soon. ]

You know what your power is.

[ she may very well be speaking so casually because she is trying to keep cassian angry -- she knows that she is particularly good at needling him into anger, she's done it before. he deserves to be angry. he deserves to be furious, jyn is never going to stand in the way of that. ]

[ surprise filters onto his face alongside the frustration, and the only thing it does is kick up even more rocks, and he should really try to temper his emotions but he still doesn't... want to. it doesn't help that jyn is being so casual about it, completely ignoring his other crisis at hand. ]

I did not know that either!

[ he should be relieved that he finally knows, especially since he was beginning to think maybe he was the odd man out, maybe he didn't have one. maybe they gave him a new spine instead. ]

[ but no, there are rocks and earth floating around him. he flings his hand, and one of the rocks shoots off, slamming into the ground with a hard thunk. anxiety and irritation churn over in his chest, and he should unclench his fists but he knows, somehow, that it's keeping the earth in the air and he doesn't want to let go of that feeling yet either. ]

[ slowly, jyn unfolds from the ground, tapping a stone away from her and watching as it spins away, still suspended in mid-air. it looks exactly like what jyn can do with water, raindrops hovering in the air until she lets them fall.

she looks up at him, thoughtful and careful and almost apologetic. she can't make this better, as much as she wishes she could. instead of forcing his fingers open to take his hand, jyn brushes her fingers across the back of his hand. his anxiety hits her like a sledgehammer, but she doesn't pull away. she welcomes sharing the burden in this instance. jyn herself is calm, there is always the underlying grief and sorrow, but she is calm. ]

Now you do. And now we can do something about it.

[ they saved a galaxy! they beat impossible odds all the time! her own power flares out as jyn looks up at him, droplets pulled from the air thick with humidity and spinning around the rocks and soil he has lifted up like tiny planets pulled together by gravity, surrounding them with the scent of petrichor. ]

Don't lose hope on me now, Captain.

Edited 2019-06-28 04:57 (UTC)

[ he lets his anger swirl around him like the rocks that keep lifting and hovering off the ground. they're still shaking, vibrating with how he feels. when jyn comes up and brushes her fingers over his skin, he can feel how calm she is, how unafraid despite the always lingering sorrow buried deep in both of them. ]

[ what calms him more than sensing her ease is her power flaring up too. it's the mix of water and earth around him that reminds him he and jyn are a team. he knows his power now, he can work on it. whatever he doesn't know, she's got his back. jyn, always so volatile and ready to throw down, has a solid grip on her own powers. ]

[ he can be angry. but he won't give up. here is one thing he does know, and maybe it wasn't a choice either, but he can work with it, use it, learn it. if there is one thing cassian has always been good at, it's adapting. ]

[ the rocks come to stillness, though they're still floating. ]

I am not. But I think I am allowed the frustrations of two surprises in one day.

[ it's almost strange that jyn can feel anger coming from him, more used to it coming from herself, but she is glad he's finally let it out. it's been a month and more of cassian keeping it all in without any outlet. he needs to let it out. jyn is only effective with her power because she refuses to ever temper her anger. ]

You are, [ jyn agrees. he has every single right to be frustrated! this is bullshit! on top of all the rest of the bullshit! the rain splashes down on the grass around them as jyn steps back, spreading her arms expansively. ]

Let it out.

[ rock and roll baby ]

[ it isn't that he needed permission. but he's spent so long swallowing up his emotions that hearing someone tell him it's all right to feel things is like she broke down the door. ]

[ he looks sideways at the earth standing stagnant, waiting for him to make a move. he huffs, opening his fingers with his frustration and more tiny rocks shoot up from the ground. he moves his hand and the rocks move with it, lifting them higher and marveling at this influence. ]

[ he might not have had a choice with this power, nor with his spine, but he can make the choice to do something. he can learn it, and he can figure out whatever else was done to him. he can. he will. ]

[ he can look into everything and be angry about it at the same time. he makes another fist and glares at the earth before slamming it all hard back to the ground. it crashes loudly, scaring off some birds from the nearby tree and kicking up dust from the impact. ]

[ oddly satisfying. ]

[ jyn'll kick down every door. she will punch his feelings in the face if she has to. she will discover and bring back frozen if need be!

she watches carefully as he moves his hand, watches the soil and rocks follow, and then watches them slam down into the ground with a look of slightly annoyed glee. of course he is good at this from the start, of course. cassian andor is irritatingly competent, is it any wonder he is good at having a kriffing power on top of that all.

it's bantha shit because she loves it. ]

Show off, [ she mutters under her breath, raising her hand, placating, to one of the mums that has looked over to this corner of the park to seemingly watch cassian throw a bunch of dirt at the ground. luckily he's turned away from them, but now she's remembering they're in public. ]

Daisy does her lessons down in the caves. Do you think you can make sure it doesn't fall down on top of us?

[ she watches him with a sort of smile, one that looks like she's about to start rolling her eyes. but he doesn't miss her brushing off the other people, and he shouldn't have been so stupid to forget that either. hopefully they didn't see much. ]

I do not think I can pull that much earth. It is... smaller pieces. I would have to test it, though maybe there is a different location from caves we could use - at least to start.

[ he lets the rest of the earth go, but he does it slowly, like he's still testing out what he can do. he's sure there are limits, but now that he's remembered how public they are, he knows it's not the time. ]

[ the burst of anger he let out has him feeling calmer, more controlled. maybe that's what he needed, that sense of being in command of himself. ]

I should also go back to a doctor, or find the one Daisy knows. I should start with looking more into the cyberkinetics of this world too. [ amazing how he can focus on that now too! ]

[ jyn nods idly, looking down at the grass now dusted with dirt and rocks. ]

Yeah, you should.

[ look, he knows what he needs to do and jyn isn't going to figure out any avenues he won't have already thought of or is in the process of thinking of, she knows that right now she is in the support role. cassian doesn't need her to punch anyone (yet).

she looks back up at him and smiles, wry and teasing. ]

Can we get a sandwich first?

[ there are two million things still running through his head, more than the usual one million. he can start by just... searching these kinds of surgeries, who does them, where they happen. medi-units are the default, so what was it that made it not work on him? ]

[ his gaze turns back to jyn, and even though his jaw is still uncomfortably tight, he does let out a sigh. ]

Are you ever not thinking about food? [ at least he's teasing her right back. ]

I am always thinking about food.

[ she can read the situation and has enough consideration, despite her less than stellar upbringing making her generally socially inept, to continue the teasing so that neither of them fall into the bad memories of food insecurity. they both know that jyn's job is solely to keep food in their kitchen so she can feel safe, she doesn't need to ruin the mood by bringing that up. ]

I found a food truck that makes customized toasted cheese.

[ he's glad it doesn't backslide. she doesn't have the best social skills, but she knows how to read him, and right now that's all he really cares about. he manages to shoot he a small, small grin. ]

Is that what you want to eat? [ he doesn't want to think about food when he's already thinking about Too Many other things. he doesn't even offer to make it, he just wants to mindlessly eat a sandwich too. ]

Yes.

[ it's not the blue milk/cheese of her youth, more like the protein packed cheese of her adolescence and adulthood, but there is something comforting of the idea of toasted cheese. bread and cheese and heat. she can't manage to toast it properly on her own yet, but she has figured out which cheese she likes at home which is why their fridge is always stocked with oat cheese.

she leads cassian to the food truck and orders for them both: oat cheese and tomato with a pesto chive drizzle for jyn and a tofu and soy tomato, cayenne, and bell pepper cheese with buffalo spread, jalapeños, and a blue cheese drizzle for cassian, with a cup of cold barley tea with heather honey for the both of them.

she turns back to him while they wait, sipping from her glass mug of tea. she wants to ask if he is okay, but she doesn't want to ask if he is okay. ]

[ he lets her lead him away from the park, and it's helpful in its own way to just follow, to trust her as his mind continues wandering and using those few moments to collect himself quietly. he even manages a tiny crack of a smile when she orders exactly what he would have chosen. that, of all the things, puts him that final bit at ease. ]

[ he knows what she wants to ask, and he doesn't have the brain space to think about how. ]

I am - [ is he okay? he's standing. he's a lot calmer than he was ten minutes ago. he takes a sip of his own tea to give himself another second. ] I will be okay.

[ he has to be. cassian doesn't know how to function without trusting himself to be okay no matter what life throws at him. he should be used to that. he'll be okay because it's the only option. ]

You don't have to be.

[ he does, she knows that because she feels the same way. it is dangerous to be anything less than okay, anything less that useful, anything less than necessary. but it doesn't feel fair. they should get to be not okay.

she wants to be able to give that to cassian.

he doesn't have to be okay because she will pick up the slack. ]

ARRIVAL LOG 011

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