strove: (they say bacon is the best)
thanks clarke ([personal profile] strove) wrote in [community profile] meadowlarklogs2019-10-07 01:20 pm

[open log] i don't care about the mess you made

WHO: Clarke Griffin, Riku, and Goro Akechi + anyone who wants to do some dreams or other stuff
WHERE: Dreams, New Amsterdam.
WHEN: Month of January IC!
WHAT: Dreams, memory shares, etc. General open log things.
NOTES OR WARNINGS: Mentions of suicide and suicidal ideation for Akechi and Clarke (respectively).

[Riku, Clarke, and Akechi couldn't be more different on the surface—but when it comes to dreams, to the control of the mind and the actions they take, the similarities come together. Oddly enough, each of them has some experience over this space. Riku, through being a Dreameater. Clarke, through Josephine taking over her body and through having to fight back against the sociopathic scientist. And Akechi through the metaverse, having to traverse it alone. That's not to say that they have special powers here: but control is something that will come more easily, as will lucidity.

Of course, thematically they're different:]


riku: mistakes of the past, worries of the present

[These days, Riku is more or less at peace with himself. Once, his dreams were mercurial and lacked control. They showed his worry about strength. Power. And at times, Darkness—the Darkness that reigned over his life, that acted as a threat. These days, that Darkness is as much a part of him as anything: trapped in his heart, a constant in motion. A part of who he is.

But there are themes and motifs that reoccur. Friends fading away. The danger of thinking too much, even if the thoughts don't string together. A friend slipping, falling into a wave of Darkness. More recently: images of his home falling apart, of New Amsterdam falling to the same ruin, crashed into by a wave of dangerous Darkness.

And of friends dying. Of not being able to do enough. Of the struggle of having to accept that they will do as they do, even if he can't do nothing. His hands always tied, forced to be idle, passive. Accepting that, too.

There is always a push for logic against even the most irrational of thoughts. Always.]


clarke: guilt, the lives she's taken, a peaceful interlude

[Many of Clarke's dreams take place separate from what would be her mindscape. Her dreams are of green: sprawling trees with a beautiful, forested canopy. A bright sun overhead, though sometimes there are two. But in the horizon, there may or may not be ruin: ruins of a city that managed to come together in the aftermath of an apocalypse, or ruins of a world, covered in dirt and sand, and strange creatures that burrow into the ground and can dig into someone's skin. She doesn't dream of those creatures, not often.

When she can, Clarke dreams of what could be: a life in this area of rich, fertile environment. A time with her daughter, her mother, her friends. Bellamy is there when he can be, but during times of strife, it seems she has a hard time facing him. (This Bellamy is older, with facial hair and a calmer expression. Like he knows to keep what he can inside.)

When there are people present, there is always a pressure. Of being boxed in, of being the one to find the solutions. Clarke always feels as if her answers are the wrong answers, and they show here. But there is no resentment toward the many, many people in her life: angry, making demands. Just an acceptance. Clarke doesn't feel as if they're wrong to ask so much of her. Besides, she put herself in that position to ask to make those decisions.

After all, she is a mother. A leader. But also: a tumor. A cancer. These days, Clarke doesn't let those thoughts creep up, but in dreams, who can say?]


akechi: wasted potential, what could have been

[Akechi doesn't dream of exact moments or of exact places: he dreams of the settings he likes, with drawn out, complicated scenarios where he's called upon to solve a problem. Solve any problem. Because he is someone who came into his power at an age when he was already embittered by the world, embroiled in hatred for everything around him. His mother committed suicide when he was young, and he was forced to be passed from home to home, a blemish upon his family and upon the world. An illegitimate child and a problem. Rather than choosing to overcome these notions, Akechi internalized them, took them to heart.

His dreams reflect this: colored often in blacks and reds, with Akechi moving alone, carrying every purpose that he believes that only he can accomplish. His dreams are a sign of how he deluded himself: believing that his long term plans would become something at some point.

He is extremely intelligent, and his dreams show it: with him trying to make logic out of nothing, out of the world around him. He seems to be at odds with it, caught between a sense of justice (inherently emotional) and a world out of order, one that's inevitably going to be that way no matter what.

If Akechi's gambit had paid off—if he had been aware that he was a part of a game with a gambit in motion—his view of the world would've taken hold. It would've fallen into disarray, granting control to a single deity because people are inherently messed up. At the heart of his dreams, this is a singular, notable truth. It's just one that's at odds with what Akechi really wants: to be praised, loved, and seen as less than a blemish and more that someone who can accomplish things. He just hasn't admitted as much to himself.]


ooc notes

[The general overview here is to give people an idea of what my characters' dreams would contain. This is an open log, and you can request a starter hitting on one of the notes above! I'll also be posting closed requested starters below. I'm also open to memory sharing or characters just catching up, though the former may need to come along organically (as none of my three know it's on the table).

If you'd like to discuss further, hit me up on plurk @ medieval or on discord at alison#8996.]
impede: (excuse me as I never nerd it up.)

[personal profile] impede 2019-10-31 04:44 am (UTC)(link)
He did. [The words come easily. Akechi has already given up any pretenses of pretending to be chipper. The edge is there for Hope: a lower octave, but just as soft and careful. He's always had a softer voice, but when his anger and hatred brims like it does now, even he can't manage his voice long enough to hide it.]

He met his end no matter what, though the methods used were more unconventional than a gun. I wasn't there to see it. [Bitterness seeps in here. He doesn't emphasize his words. But he hates the fact that he couldn't be a part of it.]

He was just two halves of a whole set of parents who wanted nothing to do with a no-good child like me. From what you've said, you understand the sentiment. Leaving you behind for your "own good."

[That is not what she ever said.]
tribridfreakshow: (pic#13225326)

[personal profile] tribridfreakshow 2019-11-14 06:48 pm (UTC)(link)
Why not?

[There are several reasons as to why that could be, and the answer is important. Hope would have wanted to be there to see the downfall of someone who had caused her that much suffering.]

That's not what I said. [Her voice is firm, to keep out her own wavering. They both use an edge when being soft is just too much.] They loved me, but even that wasn't enough for them to stay.

[Her mother had fought, but her Dad? It felt like he had just given up.]

Because I was a cosmic mistake the universe keeps trying to correct. They decided that I should live and feel the pain of losing them instead of just letting me die the way it should have been.
impede: (this is a serious face.)

[personal profile] impede 2019-11-15 05:23 am (UTC)(link)
[Is that not what she said? Akechi's expression wavers, but only for a second. Yes, perhaps that had been his interpretation, but as she goes on, he decides that she's foolish to not see it that way. Perhaps they died for her. Is that what he's meant to conclude? And yet—if the cosmos is trying to correct the mistake of her very existence, then she's set to die anyway.]

That sounds like a notion that only makes sense when you allow it to. Think, now that they're gone, who's going to keep you from dying? The logic is far from infallible.

[He knows that what he's saying is cruel, but he's lived with the truth (his truth, decided all on his own) that his mother committed suicide to get away from a life spent raising him. Akechi doesn't have an objective sense of truth about it.]
tribridfreakshow: (pic#13225363)

[personal profile] tribridfreakshow 2019-11-15 05:38 am (UTC)(link)
[Her throat goes dry and she tries to swallow past the aching hole that's forming in her chest as he continues to speak.]

So, then what? You're saying they were just looking for an excuse to leave me behind?

[That was impossible, right? Her mother would have never felt that way, her father had said the exact opposite. But her mother had found peace, and her Dad...he hadn't fought the way he should have, the way she deserved.

And she'd accepted it. Maybe she didn't deserve them at all.]


I'm not sure what's worse, thinking that's true or living with the fact that them dying was my fault.
impede: (I love quoting enlightenment dudes.)

[personal profile] impede 2019-11-15 06:11 am (UTC)(link)
It all depends on what you do with that truth, [he says. Akechi knows that if her parents died to protect her, that it wasn't her fault. He knows that. After all, he'd never pin his own attempted death on Ren and the others. But that's information that he chooses to conceal. He doesn't feel like comforting her.]

Personally, you might want to focus on what plan you hope to set forth to stay alive. You ought to make sure that no one else has to die so that you remain alive.

[In that, it's different. Even a more favorable version of his mother's death doesn't favor her dying for him. He can barely imagine the fact: anyone caring enough to simply give their lives so that he could live another year. She hadn't done that. Shido wouldn't do that. And though he knows that Ren died in Zerzura, it doesn't qualify for this.

To say he's jealous that she could even consider the notion is a bit of an understatement. He wouldn't put it in those words, exactly. Instead, he resents her for it. Calls her foolish and naive. It's better than admitting that what she had is better than what he could never have, could never hope to have.]
tribridfreakshow: (pic#13225349)

[personal profile] tribridfreakshow 2019-11-16 02:30 am (UTC)(link)
Fight back. I'm not a kid anymore.

[She's somewhat sure that the curse of her existence probably didn't follow her here. This world doesn't seem to follow the rules of nature set in her own, though whether this is a dimensional difference or the world just changes in the future she can't possibly know.

That didn't mean for sure that trouble wouldn't follow her. People just tended to die around her, regardless of anything else.]


There's a reason I don't have friends. [Except Caroline. Trying to push her away would be impossible now, and it's the only thing keeping her from literally going off the deep end. She wishes her uncle could be that for her, but he barely remembers her. Caroline doesn't either, but it's different seeing as they're the same age dealing with similar issues.] It's better for all of us in the long run.
impede: (I'd be hell to have on set.)

[personal profile] impede 2019-11-16 08:21 pm (UTC)(link)
Spoken like someone truly in denial of that fact. [Cruel, but evenly stated. The fact that she doesn't argue against the truth that he's decided for her life is a bit of a relief. No, he doesn't know. Deep down Akechi is fully aware of that fact. But on the surface, he allows himself to believe that he's figured her out. He knows her life, as well as the parallels.]

Of both the friends and how you're no longer a child. [For all that that's true, there is some part of Akechi that dislikes her implicit rejection of him here. If Hope has no friends, that makes him not one. Again, on the surface, that appeals to him. Beneath the surface, he sees it as a sign of her thinking that she's better than him in some way. That their bond has meant nothing. But it should mean nothing. It's twisted up and wound together, with him not truly knowing what he wants from it all.]

In my opinion, they won't be true until you no longer have to say it.
tribridfreakshow: (pic#13225376)

[personal profile] tribridfreakshow 2019-11-21 04:00 am (UTC)(link)
[If only he knew that what he saw as rejection was really her just assuming the worst; he didn't want to be her friend, he didn't care about her. He'd made that perfectly clear.]

So if I stand here and tell you that you're still just a kid, you're not going to deny it?

[Her brows lift, a challenging tone coming through in her voice.]

Do you really not care about anything or anyone, or are you just trying so hard to convince yourself that you'll say anything to prove it to other people?
impede: (sometimes they throw tantrums.)

[personal profile] impede 2019-11-23 10:46 pm (UTC)(link)
[Turning the rhetoric back onto him. Akechi gives pause. His body angles ever so slightly as he looks at her out of the corner of his eye. Not a full on glance, not one where he might have to show her the truth of what he thinks—or run the risk of it.

For a moment, he shows more truth than he'd like, though. He acts akin to a caged animal.]


I thought you were the one who said those things.
tribridfreakshow: (pic#13225378)

[personal profile] tribridfreakshow 2019-11-23 11:15 pm (UTC)(link)
You didn't answer my question, so I'm gonna assume I hit a nerve.

[Frankly, she's had about enough with his attitude, like he knows everything about everything, including what's going on in her head.]

There's no one in this universe that doesn't care about someone or something. The problem is that I'm sick of them all leaving.

[That's a little more honest than she'd intended, but whatever. It doesn't matter. He's going to pretend not to care anyway, right? Tell her she's weak.]

So which is it? Are you going to try and tell me you don't feel anything? Because I'm gonna call bullshit.
impede: (don't judge the coffee beans.)

[personal profile] impede 2019-11-23 11:37 pm (UTC)(link)
You just saw me murder my father, [he snaps quickly. Akechi takes the gun and points it at her. The silencer is gone, but he doesn't care. If he can remove her from his dream like that, then all the better. Oddly enough, his father is gone. Vanished along with the awareness of him. There is still a splatter of blood: a remnant of what was there that once mattered.]

And you deign to suggest that I have nothing that I care about?

[That he has feelings about. Oh, they're all aggressively negative feelings. But they're what he knows best.

Akechi is hard pressed to say he feels positively about things when pressed. He believes that all he enjoys is an illusion, a mask he's created for himself. In some ways, that is true. In others, it's yet another lie—but one he hasn't figured out for himself.]
tribridfreakshow: (Danielle Rose Russell in Legacies S 01 ()

[personal profile] tribridfreakshow 2019-11-23 11:56 pm (UTC)(link)
Exactly.

[Maybe he's expecting her to finch, to be afraid, but she just crosses her arms over her chest, jutting her chin out as if she's daring him.]

I just wanted you to admit that you do. So, are you pushing people away to protect them? Or to protect yourself?

[Her eyebrow lifts expectantly.]

Or are you just going to shoot me instead of answering me?
impede: (oh - that's right! because of this.)

[personal profile] impede 2019-11-26 04:24 am (UTC)(link)
[Her question is ridiculous. How narrow and useless! Akechi can't help it: he starts laughing, hand holding the gun hanging loosely at his side as he bends over laughing. Somehow, it's even louder in here. Somehow, because with the two of them, the room isn't large enough to truly and properly echo. Plus, it's designed to not do that: to suppress sound so no one can hear most of it outside.

After a beat, he straightens up, his left hand—holding the gun—moving to press lightly against his chest. It's a rather dramatic pose.]


In your mind, in your simplistic existence, it can only be one or the other, can't it? I choose neither.

[Akechi lets the answer hang in the air.

And then he points the gun at her, finger wrapping around the trigger. There are no nerves, no points of discomfort.

Akechi pulls the trigger.]
tribridfreakshow: (pic#13225390)

[personal profile] tribridfreakshow 2019-11-26 04:40 am (UTC)(link)
[A look of rage crosses her face for an instant. Simplistic? Please.

She wants to tell him that she thinks it's both, because that's what it is for her. When she's forced to talk about it, she says it's because people die around her. People usually took that one way or the other, but it's always messier when there's more to it than just one thing.

Her mouth opens to speak, only for her voice to catch in her throat as he lifts the gun, points it at her face, and pulls the trigger.

She hears the loud noise of the gun, feels something splitting through her head...

...and then she's sitting straight up in bed, her sheets damp from sweat, her heart beating furiously in her chest. She sits there for a minute, staring into her lap, blinking her eyes rapidly.

Then, she collapses back onto her pillow, her forearm swinging over to cover her eyes.]


....dammit.