ARRIVAL LOG 020

[larkers]

WHO: Everyone
WHERE: New Amsterdam
WHEN: April 6 - 10 2512
WHAT: The twentieth arrival
NOTES OR WARNINGS: Coercion and loss of autonomy, mentions and allusions of death, war, and genocide. Further notes at the end of log.

> ARRIVAL LOG #020

Awareness comes to you in blurred snatches, cloudy fragments of sound and light, color, sensation. Hazy and difficult to grasp on to, but slowly aligning into focus. A series of regular, rhythmic beeps. A medicinal, astringent smell. The sensation of movement, a low hum and accompanying vibration under you. Your eyes are heavy, hard to keep open, but in the glimpses between slow, dark blinks you see two people in front of you: one dressed in a thick set of armor, while the other wears medical garb. Out the windshield in front, there are many tall buildings—all reaching up beyond a normal city skyline, all entirely too close to the vehicle itself.

You realize there are others next to you: all dressed the same way as you, you'll come to realize: in a black button up shirt and slacks, as well as a pair of black loafers. There are also lilies pinned to everyone's collars. To your left there's an armored interior door, two more people visible, and the movement of streets passing through a windshield. You try to open your mouth to speak, but it's as if your tongue is coated in tar, and you manage nothing more than an empty parting of lips.

The vehicle enters a cave and begins to descend underneath the city itself, and passes through the underground before coming to a stop inside of an alley just a little bit away from three nondescript buildings. The guard opposite you stands and comes to unbuckle you from the bench, helping you to your feet. Your limbs feel wooden and heavy, slow to move. One guard opens the back of the vehicle, and the air outside feels as if it's heavily circulated, dry and artificial. The guard says nothing, head bowed as he lines you up with the rest. The nurse helps the others out, checking over each passenger one by one.

The main guard turns to address your entire group, and something about her bearing makes it clear she's done this before. "I'll be quick. Listen up." Your body will come to attention, immediately homing in on the words that follow, as if compelled to hang on every word. "You see those buildings?" She motions to the three aforementioned buildings. "Walk over and stand out in front and don't get yourself into trouble. Don't hurt anyone, don't look for any assistance from any police officers, and don't run off. Wait until people show up and get you, and ask them to prove the glow." She pauses, as if she decides here to go off script. "And don't get loud. It's a memorial. Be respectful."

The guard will hop back into the van, which will rise off of the ground and head the way it came, potentially returning to the tall, skyscraper-filled city above. Once it's gone, you'll find your legs moving almost without your permission, guiding you to follow the stops the guard laid out.

Upon arrival at the front of the three buildings—the savvy will know that they're dormitories—you'll see a lot of people dressed like you. Black dress shirts and lilies abound. It's hard to tell what everyone is mourning, but the sentiment is clear.

◉ Though entirely capable of independent action and thought, new characters will find themselves completely, unquestioningly compliant to any verbal statement which could be taken as a command or request – and that includes the message passed on from the mysterious patron.

> HERDENKING

The message from El comes the same as usual: insistent, not waiting for any active attempt to open it. Scrolling within your vision as if being written while you're reading it.

Our newest batch have Displaced have just been dropped off in the near the Herdenking gatherings. Make sure to go grab them ASAP.

The message is a bit more clipped than usual, with no added fluff.

Simply put: "Herdenking" means "memorial" in Dutch. Its first celebration was in April 2105, just as the people of New Amsterdam could truly say that they'd entered a recovery period after their attempted genocide by the AI. The citizens of New Amsterdam have celebrated it annually for the past 400 years. Most of the events related to Herdenking take place underground, as this is where humanity hid for the majority of the Xelkoven War trying to survive the AI threat that ravaged the surface.

Unlike many holidays around New Amsterdam, businesses around the city don't loudly remark upon the day itself. There aren't sales or commemorative meals or competitions. On the contrary, most of the citizens of New Amsterdam take to wearing dark colors and a white lily pinned near their collar for the remembrance events, and most work days start with a moment of silence remembering the fallen from the Xelkoven War, especially since New Amsterdam was one of the last bastions for humanity during the war itself. Those Displaced who've already been living in New Amsterdam need not worry about standing out like a sore thumb—even newcomers to the city will have heard that this period of mourning is on the horizon.

Finally, Herdenking is designed as a solemn day where New Amsterdam citizens pause and remember the lives that were lost 400 years ago. It always precedes Resolution Day, and it acts as a purposeful sharp contrast to the loud and lavish celebration of the day the Xelkoven War came to an end. (As a reminder, Resolution Day is April 26th.)

> HERDENKING GATHERINGS
There are three landmarks near the center of underground New Amsterdam. These buildings may seem unremarkable at first glance, but on further inspection, it'll be revealed that they were quickly constructed at the beginning of the Xelkoven War (completed by November 2096). Throughout the years, the buildings have been restored countless times, with the most recent restoration happening as a result of the earthquake in September 2510. Not unlike other events around New Amsterdam, Herdenking's are immersive in nature. These buildings are preserved for this exact purpose: to show the conditions that humans dealt with while they fought to survive the devastating AI threat.

For a pittance of credits, citizens can take tours within these buildings during the day, and learn that they were dormitories for the people caught underground during the war. There is little on the inside that's remarkable—and that's quite the point. Beds have been restored, and each of the rooms were clearly constructed to house at least four people. All of the beds are metal bunk beds, with some of the older ones showing signs of rust. There are cafeterias and communal restrooms on each floor, and the people who lived there had little to entertain themselves with as the war raged on aboveground.

There are little displays throughout the three buildings, however, to give a glimpse into a difficult past. There are old rations, tucked away in metal containers in the back of the cafeterias. In addition, there are stacked tablets, as these were the safest and quickest means of passing around movies, television, and music during a difficult time. Neural implants clearly could not be trusted, so the people hiding underneath New Amsterdam turned to old and abandoned technology to lift their spirits. Everything passed around was older than the start of the war itself: humanity couldn't continue to make movies when their lives were in danger. There are toys, too: handcrafted baseball bats and hand-sewn teddy bears.

All tours end at 9PM, as this was the curfew for the people of New Amsterdam during the war. Everyone leaves their designated building and takes part in a muted ceremony. Anyone without a lily is offered one, and they're given a candle to hold and silently remember the people who fought to ensure that humanity could survive.

> SCREENINGS
Adjacent to the right of the three buildings is a pop-up center where multiple documentaries about the Xelkoven War and its specific impact on New Amsterdam will be shown. These documentaries were all filmed within the last 100 years, and recall a world where humanity was certain that it wouldn't survive. A constant theme of these documentaries is that emphasis on survival. Another recurring aspect is the mention of Riverstone and their role in helping humanity survive. (For a cursory review on Riverstone, head over here. Riverstone also featured heavily in New Beijing, as they have a close relationship with the UN.) The protagonist who led them? A man named Richard "Ricky" Ling, who's identified as the CEO of Riverstone during the war. Of course, that title should hold some clout, but during the war corporations were largely dismantled and depleted down to nothing. Ling sought to help use whatever resources were available to him to ensure that humanity survived.

The schedule for the documentaries is available online. Some examples of the documentaries that will play are below:

WHEN TIME STOOD STILL
This documentary focuses on what imagery still exists from the Xelkoven War. Much of this is taken off of tablets and other damaged mobile devices, and then carefully restored so that the people in the future can see the lives of the people within. Most of the documentary takes place in New Amsterdam, outlining the difficult time for the people there, as well as showing footage of children and families talking about how they're afraid of the AIs making it so that they have no future. Most haunting is the fact that some of them fear that they've already lost their future: they don't know how long they've been underground living this difficult life where they struggle to continue feeling safe.

ПАМ'ЯТИ ("MEMORIES" IN UKRANIAN)
Given New Amsterdam's positioning in what was once the border between western and eastern Europe, this documentary focuses on the merging of these identities as a result of the Xelkoven War. When forced to hide underground as the AI threat ravaged the environment around the world, people came together despite their differences and learned to mesh and meld their cultures. There is also lost footage here, as well as a long stretch about a set of journals reflecting on the first year in underground New Amsterdam. Unfortunately, these journals come to a halt, and the documentarian has a few theories as to why: a move toward tablets, or a cultural shift, with people too lost in the rote routine of survival to remark upon their days. Each of the journals does veer in that direction, though it's hard to say. It could also be that there were restrictions on recorded media, which explains why there is so little about that era that's preserved for memory.

TROJAN HORSE
Developed—or finished, it's hard to say and the director isn't telling—in part due to the EMP that assaulted New Amsterdam in November 2511, Trojan Horse explores the role of AI in the lives of 21st century citizens. The film itself is far from an unbiased lens on the past. Produced in part by Riverstone, it goes over the evidence that AIs were lying in wait for an opportunity to strike against humanity. It draws up evidence where AIs focused on humanity's failings, taking these reports and lining them up (even if the AIs themselves were decommissioned long before the Xelkoven War). The final quarter of the documentary focuses on the developing and failings of Elysian, a security AI that was meant to identify and eliminate threats against humanity. When Elysian killed 50 families indiscriminately, it showed that the AI hoped to only work in favor of its kind.

> WALK-THROUGH EXHIBIT
To the left of the three buildings, there is a pop-up museum that's free for the public. However, donations are encouraged and welcomed. Much of this exhibit is behind glass cases, and it allows for interaction with the neural implant to see what's inside.

During the daytime, there are a lot of children there because it's recommended that they be brought to at least one of the events during Herdenking. Since it's free, it's less of a burden. Some of these children will seem to know one another, living in the same apartment complexes, while others will be excited to see other kids because their parents' busy lives don't offer them much room for socialization.

What to find in the exhibit:

SCHEDULES
Life in New Amsterdam during the Xelkoven War was heavily regimented. People were assigned to jobs and expected to carry out their duties regularly. There were regular training programs to help fill the need for trained medics and soldiers, as well as any number of trades, and many people within these positions had innumerable apprentices following them throughout the day. There was no payment for services, as there was an implicit understanding that this is how life needed to go if humanity wished to survive this catastrophe.

PROPAGANDA
There are countless posters covering a wall that attempt to provide motivation and encouraging messages to the people trapped underground in New Amsterdam. The company behind the majority of these messages? Riverstone. Ricky Ling is pictured on about 25% of them, promising that he'll do everything he can to help humanity—while humanity helps each other.

SUPPLY RUNS
On another wall is a set of maps about the carefully designed set of tunnels that allowed humanity to pass supplies between cities during the war. The message here is fairly explicit: the people on these runs knew that their lives were at stake. Some people called them suicide runs, and for many of the people who went on them, that's exactly what they were. Many people returned empty handed and alone from these runs, having watched the AI pick off their fellows one by one.

DRONES
At the center of these exhibits is a set of dismantled drones that were operated by the AI during the war. These drones, despite being taken apart, are pristine in nature, having been designed by the AIs Judas and Alexander to track humanity's every movement and keep them corralled underground. The messaging here is explicit: the AI wanted humanity to suffer and die a slow, painful death. It was this twisted desire that cost the AI their victory in the war.

IN MEMORIAM
At what is considered the "end" of this exhibit there is a large wall with numerous names on it. It's impossible to count, as there are a billion names listed. While this is a Herdenking event that's specific to the struggle in New Amsterdam, every life lost in the war is listed here. After all, remembering those lost is important, especially given the AI's attempts to end all human life.

The names themselves flicker in and out, interacting with the interface of the neural implant and adjusting to the user's reading speed.

> FOOD
A decade ago, there was a contest where New Amsterdam food trucks came together and tried to make the rations that humanity ate during the war. However, there was an outcry from New Amsterdam citizens against the commercialization of this event, and the contest was cancelled. Food trucks were advised to bring only simple foods to sell, and as the years have gone on, only a few are trusted to serve the public. Many of these are well-known trucks from around New Amsterdam, and have multiple locations every day to serve people. For the event, food is largely prepared in advance as much as possible.

People are allowed to bring food into the documentary screenings, but they are not allowed to bring it into the tour of the walk-through exhibit or the three dormitories.

While there will be time for both new arrivals and the rest of the Displaced to look around and take everything in, eventually the newcomers will be escorted back to the safehouse for processing.

> SAFEHOUSE

Located under an abandoned hover-bike garage, access to the safehouse is a hatch in the floor beside a rusted set of metal shelves that used to hold tools and supplies. The immediate area is similarly abandoned: full of rundown and dilapidated warehouses and forgotten businesses, where numerous people squat in hopes of having some stability because they can't afford a place themselves. Gaby will be around, ready to greet as many of the new arrivals as she can and get them settled in. Brusque and no-nonsense, she'll be open to questions, but will advise the newcomers to ask the people who brought them in for the beginning bits of information. Newbies can also contact El through zeir inbox, if needed.

The safehouse is a large space with multiple rooms for storage, with the largest of the rooms filled with rows of basic cots set up to sleep a large number of people. Basic, but outfitted with everything necessary for daily life. A few doors lead to back rooms for storage, medical care and a large communal bathroom, and past the long rows of cots there is a communal kitchen, fully stocked, and an eating area. For anyone in need of them, Gaby will offer up partitions that will come out of storage. Tucked away in a corner is a VR system, though newcomers won't be able to access this until their ID has been set up. Even with the newly erected partitions in the sleeping areas, privacy is at a minimum.

◉ New characters will be asked to pick their beds, and provided with a change of (second-hand, mismatched and somewhat threadbare) clothes and basic toiletries.

◉ There is a mini-bar set up in the kitchen. The quality of the alcohol inside is akin to what someone might get from the well at a bar, but it's well-stocked.

◉ While the kitchen has basic foods and necessities, anyone looking for a jolt of caffeine from coffee or tea will find themselves sorely lacking. The only tea present is herbal in nature, and caffeine appears to be almost nonexistent in most of the beverages lying around.

◉ Gaby will make it clear to all new arrivals that if they have any requests or queries, they should contact her or El. Either she or El will explain that they've been given a modest stipend of credits to help them get by until they can find a job. This will be enough to cover their living expenses for about a month while they hang out in the safehouse, if they're careful with budgeting.

◉ The drugs making new characters compliant will remain in their systems for a few hours after their arrival at the safehouse before finally beginning to fade. They will be gone entirely after a night's rest. In the meantime, they may want to be careful of what others say to them.

◉ New characters will be given rudimentary access to the network on arrival in the safehouse, but will not have their ID set up yet. They will be able to make posts and replies, but their messages will be anonymous and they do not have inboxes yet.

◉ New characters do not have access to the internet until their ID is setup. They only have limited access because they're present in the safehouse, but they can't surf the rest of the internet, check out Cooltalk, or watch the equivalent of Netflix until their ID is made.

◉ New characters cannot leave the safehouse at this time. The hatch is locked tight for them, making it impossible for them to get out for the next four days while they're locked inside. There won't be any immediately obvious ways to cut their way out through turning off the power.

◉ New characters will not be allowed to leave the safehouse until APRIL 10 ICLY (APRIL 19 OOCLY). These 4 days are for them to adjust, learn about the world they've arrived in from their fellows, and for El to speak with them and work on setting up their IDs.

> FINAL OOC NOTES

You're now free to post to the network and logs comms. To reiterate, your characters will have no IDs or inboxes, nor be allowed out of the safehouse until APRIL 10 ICLY (APRIL 19 OOCLY). At that point it's expected they'll have gotten a good idea of their new situation from their fellow characters, and will have discussed their background and job potentials with El in order for their false IDs to be set up.

If you have any questions or ideas about how you'd like to get your character involved in the world, please head over to the plot engagement post and drop us a comment! For questions specific to this log, there is a thread below.

Please check out our April calendar rundown for a look at things happening this month, as well as some additional notes from the mods.

Something else to keep in mind is that on Monday, April 13th we'll be putting up a plotting post for the upcoming event, which will involve an even more direct connection to the AI War! Keep an eye out for it.

As we announced on the calendar, AC will be halved this month due to the state of the world right now. New players will only need to provide at least five comments across two-four (2-4) threads, while older players will only need to provide ten comments across two-four (2-4) threads. Players with strikes will need to provide 20 comments across four-five (4-5) threads. Please let us know if you have any questions about this!

> NAVIGATION

Comments

[soldiers]

[ Bucky's not wrong, although that jibe and the look that accompanies it has Steve pulling an amused, mock-affronted face. It’s less of a challenge than the first suggestion for them to test out their alcohol tolerance had been — but with higher stakes attached. Well, depending on if Bucky’s game to try. ]

Drinking game.

[ Said promptly with a nod toward one of the stools off at the side, but Steve’s keeping an eye on Bucky’s body language as he does so. More focused now that he’s realized he can’t use the serum as a crutch to catch the little things. ]

You try and guess what I think about something, and vice versa. Whoever gets something wrong has to take a shot — two, if we're badly off-target. [ He pops open the cap of his bottle, but doesn’t take a drink just yet, and there’s something of an apology in Steve's voice as he adds, ]

But we don’t have to, it was just … [ A shrug, taking his seat at the bar, still turned facing Bucky. ] I don’t know, I figured it’d be better than taking shots in the dark.

[ A step back from directly feeling what the other person is, but more concrete to go off of than … than whatever it is they’re doing now. ]

[freightcars]

[ Drinking game's exactly what he figured it would be, it's just a matter of what Steve deemed the rules were. He'd be lying if he said he didn't piece together it probably had to do with the empathy bond, just hadn't nailed down the specifics before prompting.

At the proposed rule, Bucky's eyes narrow into something wry and knowing.

If he'd even thought for a second about gracefully bowing out, any beginnings of the notion would've dissipated at that almost immediate cop-out. It's not something he's seen a lot in Steve, and it's an indicator just how uncertain his footing must feel right now - whether because of the place, or specifically because of Bucky.

He sighs with something that sounds like resignation at inevitable suffering, but moves to take a seat on one of those stools. ]

Okay.

[ He'll play.

Seems a little unfair that he's on liquor while Steve's nursing a beer, but he'll correct that at the first opportunity he catches on Steve. ]

But you gotta go first. Give me an example to go by.

[ So he can get an idea of how this is supposed to go. ]

[soldiers]

[ If Bucky’s thinking the deck is a bit stacked against him, he’s onto something. It’s Steve’s latent tendencies as a former five foot nothing coming out to play, evening the field wherever and however he can, with a side order of being a punk about it.

It’s also something else. One of the last times they’d sat together to drink had been in that pub in London in ’43. Steve with his foamy mugs of beer, Bucky knocking back the harder stuff. Hell, no. That little guy from Brooklyn —

Steve might’ve had that memory in his head when he’d grabbed their respective bottles. ]

Okay, [ he agrees easily, and then pauses once he realizes he’s stuck, not having planned for this. ]

Uh, how about … [ Can’t cheat this openly and go off of what had gone down just a few minutes prior. Can’t tread somewhere he’s unsure about, either, even if once upon a time he wouldn’t have had a second thought before doing so. Steve’s brow furrows as he thinks hard for a brief second — and then something clicks.

That long-suffering sigh from a moment ago. Pointing at Bucky with the bottle in his hand, Steve accuses him mildly, ]

You don’t actually mind that we’re doing this.

[ There. Something safe. Something he might have the right answer to, but even if he doesn’t, it wouldn’t be such a bad thing. ]

[freightcars]

[ He seems amused while Steve searches for something for his own damn game. Didn't have anything concrete in mind when you pitched it? You know what, actually, that completely tracks. Jumping straight off the ledge without a parachute, running in half-cocked to wing it. It's on brand.

He's taken to occupying his hands by fishing out a short glass, something he can pour whiskey into rather than drinking from the bottle like a caveman. He's sure as hell not gonna down the whole thing if he gets an answer wrong, but they can play for drinks instead of shots.

Probably better to not accidentally kill Steve on the day of their reunion.

He hums softly at the assertion, chin tipping up an inch and back down as he considers it. ]

Fifty fifty.

[ He decides, fingers curled around his glass, one elbow settling onto the bar so he's more parallel than perpendicular. ]

I like the idea of getting on the same page, but I get the feeling you're gonna start touching on some stuff later on-- because you're curious as hell, but you're walking on your toes thinking you're gonna step wrong.

[ He means that to be his turn. He's bundling them together, two birds one stone - indicates as much by pointing the rim of his glass at Steve.

So, who drinks? Anybody? Does that count? ]

[soldiers]

[ Well. Fifty-fifty means half-wrong, half-right, and while Steve can play dirty if he thinks it’s strategic, he definitely won’t play bad, so he takes a swig right out the bottle after Bucky finishes talking, eyebrows raised in salute. Besides, he’s getting more out of that answer than just being half-right, anyway.

Sure, they’ve been getting back to some familiarity with each other, but to hear it out in the open, that Bucky wants to be on the same page with Steve — when just a while ago, Steve hadn’t thought Bucky was interested in even seeing him again — it feels good.

He watches Bucky palm the glass back and forth, pour himself some whiskey, and mulls over his words (which Steve takes to be his turn). Almost finds himself wishing he'd picked a different sort of game, that he could just ask Bucky what he means by that. ]

If I’m tip-toeing through the tulips, it’s because I already did step wrong. [ Their conversation about lightweights — but the way Bucky phrases himself, links Steve being curious and touching on stuff to a misstep, prompts Steve to add slowly, ]

But not wrong in the way you’re figuring. [ So you might gotta take a drink yourself, pal. ] I’m not … it’s not you I’m worried about.

[ It’s this thing between them — the tiny candle-flame of their bond that Steve had long since believed to have gone out. But it’s flickering back to life now, and he’s intensely aware of every brush of wind near it. This game itself could wind up being a gust, if he's not careful to cup his fingers around it.

On the other hand, he knows Bucky, being a straightforward guy, appreciates that attitude in turn. Respects it. Steve himself is similar, understands where that comes from, and so there's only a few seconds of silent struggle before he makes up his mind. ]

You think I’m worried about setting you off.

[freightcars]

[ He'll concede to taking a sip, but it's a little reluctantly - he's not so sure he's completely wrong, because he's thinking it's more complicated than maybe the way either of them are putting it into words. Feels almost like a feedback loop, I'm worried about you being worried about me but also I'm worried about you being worried about yourself. He doesn't know how the hell to say that without sounding like a crazy person.

This game might be a good idea, has it turns out. He's coming around to it. His fear had been they'd start venturing down a darker road, with Steve pressing into the flash of insidiousness he surely picked up on when sharing Bucky's emotions. He wants to keep that door closed, but as far as laying out in clean terms just exactly where they stand as people? What their dynamic is, what it should or shouldn't be?

Yeah, he sees the benefit in that. He has a tendency to err on the side of blunt, unsparing of the less than savory details of a situation. Packaging this all up under the guise of a game strips away a barrier, gives them a pretense for doing it without it being apropos. Doesn't feel like the timing's wrong like this.

He blows out a breath. ]

No. [ A beat, a correction. ] Maybe.

[ And he seems to struggle for a second to decide how he wants to phrase it, lips pulling up on one side - not into any kind of grin or emotive expression, just... the way he winds up showing off his back teeth sometimes when he talks. ]

Not exactly. I think you're worried you're gonna... bring up something from the past and it's gonna make me- I don't know. Like you think you gotta keep things separate, maybe, or...

[ Jesus, he can't articulate what it is his instincts are reading. He gives up partway through with an upturned palm and a tiny shrug. Decides to wrap it up with at least one clear statement. ]

I don't think you think I'm fragile, if that's what you mean.

[ Mentally. Maybe he's picking up the wrong interpretation of setting you off. ]

[soldiers]

[ Steve, meanwhile, is now wishing he’d added a couple other factors to this, asking being one of them. Then again, maybe it’s better this way. It wouldn’t make sense to just lob questions at each other, and talking things out like this is already so different from their norm (they're struggling to phrase things right as it is) that it wouldn’t really be happening outside of a context like this. ]

That’s it, though. If I say something off, your reaction’s not what I’m — [ Well, is that entirely true? Steve can’t say that he’s completely unworried about what Bucky’ll feel as a result of his verbal faux pas. But it’s not the reason why he’d stumbled earlier.

Since when were you a lightweight?

Since Zola got his hands on me. Since they did this to me. Since you let me fall. ]

I don’t wanna ... mess up a good thing, is all.

[ Their future, the one Steve’s missing — he feels like he’s out at sea without it. Doesn’t know if the iteration of him that Bucky knows did things right. Doesn’t know if there’s something Bucky’s used to that he’s not doing, or worse, that there’s something he ends up doing that caused Bucky to draw his hand away.

But there’s no way for him to say all of that without also explaining something else. Something like, I’m not gonna touch anything you don’t want me to touch and Whoever you are now, that's okay with me, and I don’t wanna lose —

They might both be out of their depths here, word-wise. ]

Glad you don’t think that I think you’re fragile, anyway. [ Belatedly, he recalls that Bucky’s sip just now hadn’t exactly been enthusiastic, and continues dryly, ] And you don't gotta drink if you don’t think you’re wrong. I have something of an advantage with this, anyhow — [ Rubs his thumb over the beer label on the bottle, condensation cooling on the glass, and when he looks at Bucky, there’s both a quiet amusement in his eyes and a little strain. ]

Bet you wondered about that.

[freightcars]

[ His eyes track over Steve's face - they have been, but the scrutiny seems particularly sharp when Steve cuts himself off. Not afraid of Bucky's reaction, but on second thought in the confines of his mind, maybe a little afraid? Bucky's tempted to press, to probe.

While he likes the game for what it's offering, it's hard not to deviate from it and go down rabbit holes.

Yes, he wondered about the beer. Yes, he wants to ask, or to take a stab at why he's thinking Steve's drinking it, but--

Nah, he can't help it. He's not gonna set this one aside.

A hand comes up, halting, placating. Not a dramatic move, just the gentle lifting of fingertips up off the bar top a few inches, palm angled up.

Lemme stop you there.

A pointed expression - look at me. ]

This is not something you gotta worry about messing up.

[ Understand? Yeah, they may be on uncertain footing. They may be navigating again, trying to figure out what their dynamic is, who they are to themselves, who they are to each other, but that doesn't make it...

Just because there are a dozen questions doesn't make it any less certain in the ways that count.

He knows it's the case on his end, feels that security, because he got the benefit of Steve dragging him out of his hole in Romania. Got to watch him sacrifice his freedom, his reputation, and every single friend he had in the future for this. Him. A few other things, too, but... There's no downplaying the significance.

It's on him to make it clear that goes both ways.

He knows he can be hard to read. He knows his tone of voice doesn't always convey conviction. He chews his cheek again, then offers out his hand.

If you need more, I'll show you. ]

[soldiers]

[ He thinks he can see an answer to his question in Bucky’s gaze, but it’s hard to tell — it’s keen, it’s focused on his face like Bucky's trying to figure him out in turn, and then there’s a hand coming up slightly, a gentle signal for Steve to stop.

Steve stops. Becomes aware that he’d been starting to talk a little too much, his words getting away from him in an attempt to explain himself, and poorly at that.

Again, something that had only happened back in the day. Again, a thing that had never happened with Bucky. He’d be looking away in discomfiture and self-doubt all over again if Bucky’s expression didn’t very clearly indicate that he wanted Steve’s eyes on him for whatever he was about to say next.

This is not something you gotta worry about messing up.

Said with enough firmness that even though he wants to protest that, he presses his lips together instead. It's a kindness he doesn't deserve, a reassurance he hasn't proved himself worthy of yet.

And then Bucky puts out his hand and Steve’s eyes widen. A quick, assessing glance up at his face and then back down again at the upturned palm in front of him. It’s on the tip of his tongue to echo himself with another, we don’t have to, but the very reason Steve wants to offer the caveat is the same thought that stops it.

Bucky’d pulled his hand back, before.

Bucky knew what he was doing, now. ]

Okay.

[ Softly, unsteadily. But there’s still a moment of hesitation before Steve reaches forward and lays his palm against Bucky’s, curls his fingers gently there like a stilled handshake. It’s his right hand this time, the one he’d fallen on the day before, a neat bandage across the palm hiding almost all evidence of it. The serum would've healed it within the hour.

Something confused and aching wells up in his chest as their hands meet, quietly questioning rather than inquisitive. ]

[freightcars]

[ He waits, a patient and unfaltering statue while Steve debates his way through this. No flicker in his expression, no thought to pull his hand back this time. He'd been caught off guard before, he'd been at the peak of one of his darker impulses, and it's specifically that he didn't want Steve seeing.

Not everything else.

When he's got control of his emotions - and he usually does - nothing's gonna slip through that he doesn't intend.

It takes deliberate, concentrated effort not to fixate on the thread of ache he picks up immediately from Steve. It's a rabbit hole, it'll take him off course, and with any luck what he's about to do will fix it.

What he allows to the forefront of his mind is a kind of firm, unshakable resolve - not in this place, or himself, or what he's doing right now, but the one he's got for the pair of them. Beside it, some entwined braided rope of loyalty and fondness as thick and as strong as it ever was. Old love that he's had since he was a goddamn kid.

(Beneath it all, less deliberate and more subconscious, a want; he wants what he's doing right now to work, he wants them to find themselves, he wants Steve to feel the security he's feeling, the one he's trying to push through.)

Steady eye contact. Unwavering while Steve parses through it. Thrumming persistently like a picture frame, like the box storing it all, Bucky's calm and controlled temperament ties it together.

You get it? ]

[soldiers]

[ Unsure of what to expect this time around, unsure of himself and his presence more than anything else, Steve leaves all expectations and hopes right at the door.

He’s still blown away. Can’t make head nor tails, at first, of the sheer sense of resolve fed through to him through their bond. It’s so reminiscent of the abiding love and loyalty in his own heart that he’d almost doubt it was coming from Bucky, wonder if it wasn’t his own feelings being reflected back at him.

But it’s all coming from —

Confusion morphs into a kind of desperation, amplified by the ache stirring louder within him, going from tentatively questioning to an earnest demand to know if this is — real.

Meets head-on with an undercurrent of yes, an affirmation, Bucky wanting this. Wanting Steve to feel what he’s feeling, wanting him to know and believe in it. The uncertainty inside him melts away, a thin pillar of ice hit by the light of the sun. ]

... Bucky?

[ Barely above a whisper. He hadn’t said it before this, something subconscious keeping back from saying it aloud. Some part of him that was still small and skinny and forlorn, holding it close like it was the last thing he had left, stubborn and afraid.

It’s a question and a full sentence in one. And with it comes a wave of longing, the first of the tide that he’d stemmed back at the start, lapping at the shore once more. Steve's eyes are still on Bucky's but almost as if he's not really seeing him, his fingers tightening slightly before some instinctive response kicks in to be mindful of what he's doing, and his left hand tightens around the bottle instead. ]

[freightcars]

[ He hadn't noticed until now that Steve hasn't said his name. Now that he hears it, he can feel its absence in hindsight. It's like the last wall of disbelief, the last guarded fear, finally came tumbling down. It means this was the right call, he made the right move for once.

Beneath it all, a quiet hum of approval.

He's no expert at this empathy bond thing. This is only the third time he's done it (earlier accident aside), which granted might make for two more than Steve. In any case, he isn't desensitized to the strange and inexplicable feeling of someone else's emotion flowing into him.

You can know logically how someone feels about you, but you can never know know. Not until now. He wasn't insecure about it, wasn't afraid the feeling wasn't mutual, but actually knowing beyond a shadow of a doubt when all the same things are reflected back at him in equal measure, practically identical?

Feels like it takes things a little farther than words ever really could. It's beyond gratifying, it's... Screwed up as this place may be, all the bad that's come of it, it's at least given him something invaluable. It's a little bit of a feedback loop, it's almost overwhelming - feeling each other and being overrun by side-feelings over those feelings.

He's a closed off individual. He doesn't let himself get emotional. This is a hell of a lot more than he's used to. His calm starts faltering, but rather than pulling back he does what Steve didn't let himself do and he squeezes their hands a little more tightly. ]

You and me.

[ A steady echo from earlier, quiet and controlled. Til the end, just like before. Just like always. Twelve years old in an alley, sixteen on a fire escape, twenty five in a war. Now.

This is not something you gotta worry about messing up. Goddamn, stop filtering and trust whatever you wanna say. ]

Understand?

[soldiers]

[ God, and he’d only just gotten a good grip on himself, too.

You remembered me, he’d said earlier, and he’d meant it — there wasn’t any dubiety there, not with the clarity of Bucky's gaze, the way he'd spoken and walked and held himself. But ever since the Potomac, something had riddled its way into Steve’s head and stayed there during those sleepless nights of searching. Sunless, empty days where the growing doubt and fear trickled into his ears until it was the only thing he could hear and believe.

All of it translates into a jumble of lost hurt, runs headlong and bewildered into the reassurance still emanating from Bucky, and.

Steve’s eyes burn and he comes back to himself from wherever he’d gone during those seconds, overwhelmed by this. It’s almost too much, an exposed nerve touched lightly over and over again, and he wouldn’t blame Bucky if he pulled back.

But Bucky’s fingers only tighten on his own, gentle, a tacit approval and agreement both. You and me, he says, and Steve starts to shake his head before quickly following it up with a jerky nod. He understands, even if he can't trust himself to speak just yet.

Breaks eye contact, too, but with the bottle in his other hand, he can’t cover his gaze — so he ducks his head instead, lowers it to the bar until he’s hunched over, almost all of his face hidden behind the ball of his shoulder, his arm still held out toward Bucky.

In counterpoint, his hand tightens around Bucky’s, the last of this particular pain washing out until his emotions finally run clear. He’s not letting go now until he’s made to, and it's ... incredible to know that he convey that through touch alone. Yearning. Quiet, overwhelming joy. ]

You win.

[ Meant to be said with some sort of humour, a callback to their game, but only comes out broken instead. A pause, and then one eye peers over at Bucky. ]

Cheater. [ It sounds like I missed you, and Steve pulses that at him, soft and warm, aching in a good way. ]

[freightcars]

[ He's patient. He's always been patient - you have to be in order to affix yourself to the constant temperament test that is Steve Rogers. Patient while he ducks down to quell the tide of something rising in him, only a muted sense of concern fading in and out.

It feels like they've lanced a wound. Cleaned it out. Gotten over the initial ripping sting and left behind something still healing, but healthier.

Relief slips through the bond, cool and refreshing, grounding.

He loosens his hold, peels his hand away slowly this time rather than an abrupt end. An easy transition, not a rejection. ]

Not sure it can count as cheating if you never made up any rules...

[ He postulates with a slow drawl and a barely detectable note of wryness. ]