( open )

[evasives]

WHO: cassian, helena + YOU (ota!!)
WHERE: dreamscapes and new amsterdam, maybe elsewhere
WHEN: throughout ic march & early april
WHAT: dreams! cooking! it's a catch all!
NOTES OR WARNINGS: several warnings - will note above each header for specifics but many dreams involve blood and death, please be aware of the individual warnings! starters in the comments.

( hit me up if you want anything else specific: communism @ plurk, romanitas#5368 @ discord, or pms! or wildcard me, i'm easy. )

Comments

[evite]

( the answer is delivered so matter-of-factly that it could be the background noise in a soft spoken bbc documentary. so matter-of-factly that it almost doesn't feel like cassian's talking about himself.

the way daisy sometimes thinks about her own missions, things that were so traumatic or difficult or morally questionable that thinking back on them almost feels like an out-of-body experience. )

What does that mean for you? Other than just, mission completed.

[evasives]

[ he sort of... looks at her for a second, not quite in confusion, but it's not a question he gets (got?) asked very often after missions. he always divorces himself from missions like these, prefers thinking about it like he's a third party and not an active participant. ]

It means I survived with my cover intact. Then it means I spend some time on the planet next and helping their uprising build up their network, their arms, their strategies.

[ oh yeah, 100% still matter-of-fact. ]

[evite]

Okay, congrats. ( not really, but it is... impressive, she guesses. ) But that's not what I asked.

( she kicks a heel against the surface of the floor, leaning back to rest a hand on whatever surface isn't covered in flashing buttons or questionable levers. it might be a dream, but she'd like to not blow anything up if possible. )

I get that the work being satisfactory is good for the larger mission. Like, functionally, I understand that part. But does it mean anything for you? Does taking out some scumlord do anything for you, personally?

[evasives]

[ he is very thrown by this conversation, but only hints of that confusion break through his expression. even if it's a dream, with daisy, he's still in the midst of a mission in his brain and it's hard to snap out of that focus. ]

Personally. [ what is personally supposed to mean??? ] No. His company collapsed in a power vacuum. It was just a mission.

[ is she asking how he... felt about the murder? he's not sure he wants to get into that? does he even remember how he felt after this mission, or did he box it away too tightly? there were civilians on board too, but those are the ones he tries to think about the least. he always tries to avoid the guilt of collateral damage (it does not always work). ] There is nothing personal about it.

[evite]

Nothing's just a mission.

( whether you agree with the mission or not, the simple act of carrying it out leaves a mark. whether you ignore it or acknowledge it, the mark is still there, even if it's just one of a thousand similar marks littered over your soul. )

Do you not think about it?

[evasives]

Sometimes it has to be.

[ if he can shove the mission down far enough, replace it with easier ones, he can move along and wake up the next day. ]

[ he knows that's not what she means though. and they're literally in the middle of his reliving this mission, even via dream. he can't deny it, not without daisy calling him out, and cassian knows she would. ]

I try not to. Clearly it does not always work.