Cᴀssɪᴀɴ "ᴘᴀʀᴀɴᴏɪᴅ ɢʀᴀɴᴅᴘᴀ" Aɴᴅᴏʀ (
evasives) wrote in
meadowlarklogs2020-04-15 08:55 pm
![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png)
![[community profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/community.png)
( open )
WHO: cassian, helena + YOU (ota!!)
WHERE: dreamscapes and new amsterdam, maybe elsewhere
WHEN: throughout ic march & early april
WHAT: dreams! cooking! it's a catch all!
NOTES OR WARNINGS: several warnings - will note above each header for specifics but many dreams involve blood and death, please be aware of the individual warnings! starters in the comments.
( hit me up if you want anything else specific: communism @ plurk, romanitas#5368 @ discord, or pms! or wildcard me, i'm easy. )
WHERE: dreamscapes and new amsterdam, maybe elsewhere
WHEN: throughout ic march & early april
WHAT: dreams! cooking! it's a catch all!
NOTES OR WARNINGS: several warnings - will note above each header for specifics but many dreams involve blood and death, please be aware of the individual warnings! starters in the comments.
( hit me up if you want anything else specific: communism @ plurk, romanitas#5368 @ discord, or pms! or wildcard me, i'm easy. )
no subject
This would be better if Clarke used her power. If she could give life back. It's something she knows she could be capable of, but has never managed it.
But it's a power she's ashamed of, too. No matter how often she tries to swallow up the title of "Wanheda" and empower herself with it. It's a type of power that shows the worst of herself. It acts as a constant reminder.]
You know how it is. [Easily stated.]
no subject
[ and jyn is of the mind that in order to compare it correctly, cassian will have to experience it free of any variables. she stands, making space for clarke. it is their fault for befriending a girl with science in her blood. ]
I'll be right there. [ the kitchen isn't far, she and illya argue from kitchen the living room on the daily. it's an easy reassurance, she's not really going anywhere. just making some food. ] But it's not my power and it wasn't my dream.
[ she pats clarke's arm. piglet squeaks. ] And I'm hungry.
no subject
[ if not actually hungry, food or drink would be a good distraction. a time killer if the time is needed. and jyn preparing the food will be a solid enough distraction for her in the meantime too. ]
[ he gestures at clarke. only a small part of him is comforted by the fact that he isn't sharing any of his own memories or feelings, but the whole possibility of it is always a difficult one to come to terms with. ]
Sit. I cannot imagine standing will be good for it.
no subject
Daisy has tried multiple times to get Clarke to train her power, and she worries that this is the moment when it's bound to bite her in the ass. She's done what she can with the experiences in Zerzura, but that's still likely not enough.
The good thing is that Jyn should be able to stop her should her worst fears (of herself) come into fruition.
Clarke takes a seat, and then readily extends her hand.] Let's get this over with, then.
no subject
[ he's had more experiences with the dream share than the memory share, but a little bit of discomfort to maybe figure out a piece of his dream makes it worth it. he tries to bury most of what he's feeling save for the curiosity, but when he reaches out to take her hand, there's definitely an undercurrent of nerves too, both hopeful and wary. ]
no subject
She does, briefly, consider the creature in the woods. The gorilla-sized one that led to her eyes turning gold. Jyn had been there, too, but all she can recall vividly is the rage that filled up inside of her moments afterward, blinding her until her friends had brought her down. No, that won't do.
Guilt is always a constant with Clarke Griffin. It's there when their empathy bond lights up. It's magnified, even, as she conjures up the memory of that day with Jyn. The Clarke there is blinded by determination, by loyalty to her wife (an odd thought, brought up: her connection with Octavia is more muddled by the reality they share), by her fierce determination to protect her daughter. There is a sense of disconnect there, too: the Clarke that was there isn't the Clarke that's here, even if she fully identifies with that version of herself in every way. She doesn't reject that part of herself. Just because she overcame it back home doesn't mean it can't surge up at any moment, ready to thrust her forward into another defiant, cutting decision.
If she were anyone else, she would cut off the memory. But she would feel too much shame, as if she were lying to him. Plus, he needs that information, he needs to know what it feels like to be her. When it's passed, when he has the memory from her perspective, she pulls her hand back, eyes closed.
Clarke knows she could've dragged up any faint, barely recognizable memory from her time in Zerzura. She had her power there all her life. But it feels more like a confession this way.]
no subject
[ what he recognizes most of all is the guilt. cassian's is always sitting there within him too, a dull constant lull that he's capable of ignoring about half the time. it just exists, he's adapted. clarke probably picks up the feeling in him too, if only because she's apparently just as familiar with it. ]
[ when she pulls back, cassian sits with the memory, keeping his eyes shut too as he mulls it over, hyper-focusing on the feeling of her power, trying to disconnect it from jyn. he thinks about the dream, the moment with the nurse, and he just... sits, wanting to give the proper time to make sure what he's thinking is fact and not just wishful thinking. ]
no subject
Without the contact, Clarke curls her hand into herself, once again wishing Jyn had been there. She knew what she needed to do. She knew she couldn't shy away from the confessional. Even if it's meant to be anecdotal, she still carries the guilt from it. If she's going to be in Jyn and Cassian's life, just as Jyn and Clarke have talked about countless times before, this truth has to be there.
She doesn't speak first. She knows that it's better for him to sort through the experience, as well as the haze of emotions. Anything she says will just disrupt that.]
no subject
[ no, no, he's still more focused on the fact that yes. the life steal from clarke is the exact same power he felt in the dream. does that mean he was seeing something from clarke's perspective? ]
[ he knows jyn is already listening, so he doesn't bother calling to make sure, but he does finally open his eyes, making a fist with his own hand. ]
That's it. That is the same feeling from the dream.
no subject
And at the time, she resisted any and all evidence of that.]
Sorry, it's just—this may be the first lead to ... before that I've gotten. Even though I was one of the first. I want to make sure that's what it is.
no subject
There were other powers that are among the Displaced. Fire was one of them.
[ also cassian's but she doesn't mention that one. ]
no subject
[ he hesitates, but both jyn and clarke have experience with seeing future branches of their powers, and it seems important to note the variety of them. ] It is possible I saw my own power as well, just... not something I can do yet, nothing I have tried.
As I explained on the network, the turning point seemed to be the desperate urge to be whole again, to fight back against this Swiftlet device. And that is when all these powers, what I theorize are the Displaced powers, seemed to activate at once as we all reached out for them in unison. Yours included. I think we were all there.
no subject
She shakes herself out of that line of thinking. No, it's not a physical shaking, but she nods to herself, putting it together.]
I don't think it would hurt to begin to seek out things we're connected to, especially uniquely. We know that we're connected to one another and to the gates, but what else? If being threatened could unearth powers, what happens if we can manage those more ... purposefully? I know I discovered what I could do while I was stressed and trying to help someone. Is it heightened emotions or what? But it might be important to get it down somewhere so we can make sure we can start drawing in additional connections.
no subject
[ jyn's own powers are much more controlled than some people, but jyn also doesn't bother to control her emotions most of the time. she'd pushed them down until they almost atrophied, now that she feels anything, she doesn't bother to try to squash them anymore. ]
Fight or flight.
[ apt, considering the birds. ]
no subject
[ among other things. he is still trying to process the dream and it's overall potential context. ] Fight or flight would fall in line with our apparent bird motif.
[ he looks briefly at jyn in agreement, and she stares at him pointedly instead. they've been doing a lot of talking about this whole thing lately, and neither of them are big on the concept of gods with a sense of reverence, but even clarke is talking about them being connected. it had crossed their minds, begrudgingly, especially with the perspective he'd had within the dream. ]
The fact that the wish was to be whole - it makes me wonder if we are pieces of some kind. Or if we... have pieces of something. Of power.
no subject
Ball said that they were looking for the gods in deep depths. That this single god was "spread all around." Everything we've learned since makes it seem as if we're touched, like the people we saw in the ruins. [A beat.] But I don't know that those experiences match ours, not exactly.
What I do know is that we keep ending up connected. More and more, actually. Jyn doesn't like the gods part and—frankly? Neither do I. But it's the only thing that's happened to make sense of things for me. The only question is ... [She draws her arms toward her, crossing them over her torso.]
Why us? That's where even that theory begins to lose me. Whether intentional or not, we'd be connected to these gods. Right? Why though?
no subject
I thought about reaching out to Ball, somehow, as everything I have seen seems to line up with... whatever his logic is.
[ the big old why question, constantly dodging them all. ] I had the sense that the Swiftlet was meant to control me - or whoever's eyes I was seeing through in that particular moment. And it was plunged into my chest, which I do not feel a coincidence. It had happened before, and they wanted to do it again, take me away from where I was and what I had chosen.
I do not know why us, but if we all have pieces of a god, whoever had this Swiftlet apparently wanted to control us, and by extension presumably, that power.
no subject
they don't have a coffee table. ]
There was a research group, Spinetail, looking for something in the Mariana trench, that might have been what he meant.
[ but that is just an idle thought that can be examined later. ]
If this god -- [ said so begrudgingly ] -- had offered her power to people through the years, like the people in the ruins, and then hid away when humanity proved too weak for that kind of power, it tracks someone would try to take advantage of it eventually. I personally vote Johann because he's heap of bantha shit.
no subject
They were a research group there—and in charge in some way. We still haven't worked out what being there really meant for any of us, at least beyond what we were told.
[Being consumed by another world and forced to think they were apart of it doesn't seem scientific. Not in light of new information.]
no subject
[ zerzura is his weak point; he hadn't dived too deeply into the world, having fallen victim to it, and he doesn't have many pieces of it. ]
Maybe it was an experiment. [ fucking shrugs?? ] That James Henries man existed in both worlds as well.
no subject
But it's not as if we can return to it. Like we can ask questions.
no subject
[ he isn't throwing out the fact that they might be someone's experiment, but he's not going to die on that hill either. ]
[ speaking of questions. ] Do you think Ball or his followers will know anything about these dreams? My dream?
no subject
They might know if it was common among those who were like us before. I don't think Ball would know about these dreams. Maybe the ones we had before—the one that was described with the bridges?
no subject
[ jyn's face wrinkles up like that wasn't meant to be said aloud but she has the brain to mouth filter of a toddler sometimes and now it's out. she points her sandwich slice at cassian to note dryly: ]
Don't worry, I know that wasn't constructive.