freightcars: (I ᴀɪɴ'ᴛ ɢᴏᴛ ɴᴏ ᴛɪᴍᴇ ᴛᴏ ᴄʜɪʟʟ)
ᴛʜᴇ ᴡɪɴᴛᴇʀ sᴏʟᴅɪᴇʀ ([personal profile] freightcars) wrote in [community profile] meadowlarklogs2020-06-13 06:12 pm

( closed ) it's not much of a life you're living

WHO: Bucky & Others
WHERE: varius
WHEN: IC: May 7th & later. OOC: June & July
WHAT: catch-all !
NOTES OR WARNINGS: violence, language, adult themes, will update if necessary.

pretentious fanvid disguised as cut text
fossils: (pic#14141635)

[personal profile] fossils 2020-07-13 06:16 am (UTC)(link)
[ Turning to alcohol hadn't been his first, second, or third thought. This body's been his for close to a decade now. What drinking he's done over the years has all been of the social kind, never alone (though he'd be lying if he said he didn't crave something to numb his thoughts every so often)— and nothing's given him so much as a buzz save for that Asgardian stuff Thor let him try once.

Bucky's fascination with it is— the way he leads them into this, well, kind of funny to him. They could probably argue over how much of a lightweight he was back then. Perspective and all. And now here they are, holed up behind a partition in a mess hall, and it makes the whole thing seem a little clandestine. A little nostalgic (though he tries not to say it). All they need to do is bum a cigarette off of someone for Bucky and start passing the bottle back and forth.

He's been smiling for at least fifteen minutes straight by now. A lazy, lopsided sort of curve to his mouth slips into a no shit sort of teasing, raised eyebrow look, his chin dipping a degree.

Kinda guessed that when you didn't try to get him to bunk with you here, pal.

His smile widens and he lets out a soft puff of air, letting his gaze wander beyond the edge of the partition, but some of his relaxed, lazy amusement mellows. ]


I gotta see where Natasha's gonna land.

[ First. He's not leaving her here, alone. Not that he's somehow convinced that she can't handle herself— but things are off. Doesn't feel right to head out first. ]
fossils: (pic#8363504)

[personal profile] fossils 2020-07-13 06:53 am (UTC)(link)
[ Oh. Both eyebrows raise, and he genuinely seems stunned by the offer. That fades too though, back to soft, fond amusement he's been wearing. He blinks unevenly the way he does when he's especially pleased by something, been called out— or both, eyes going half-lidded as he stares at his half full glass. ]

I know this's the part where I usually argue but honestly—

[ He gives a one-shouldered shrug, eyes flicking up to meet Bucky's again. Drinking used to make him go red. Still does, apparently. A warm flush to match his expression. ]

— think I kinda like the idea.

[ Having both of them around. Call him selfish. Feels like an imposition, and not just on Bucky's generosity— he might love them both like the family they are to him, but that says nothing about how the two of them feel about each other. And rooming so close. But for him? Couldn't offer him a better option.

He tips his head to the side, leaning back and staring at his drink again. ]


She might say no.

[ Even if it weren't complicated, he get the sense she likes her own space. ]
Edited 2020-07-13 06:58 (UTC)
fossils: (pic#14141630)

[personal profile] fossils 2020-07-14 06:37 am (UTC)(link)
[ Six hundred years earns another soft, playful scoff. Yeah, yeah. He had his reasons back then for needing his own space, paid for by his own money that he earned. Knew he'd always have you in his corner if things got rough, knew you'd never look down on him for asking for that help— and god, he appreciated that, no matter how much he sometimes made it seem otherwise.

But the thought of needing to ask always hurt. Rubbed his pride a little too raw. And he was proud of himself, in the end. His first shitty tenement apartment, with the windows on the inside walls and the bathroom down the hall. The money he started to save.

He never wanted you worrying about him.

Steve studies his features again as Bucky trails off, shrugging away whatever else he doesn't say.

You don't gotta worry about that.

But it's kind of the same, huh?

He uses the break in the conversation to finish his drink. Downing the rest of his drink and clinking the glass back on the table. Tilts his head again, eyes narrowing slightly, crinkling at the corners with amusement at something. ]


Alright, well, before it happens by accident— [ Seeing how they might be having three people to a two bedroom place. Nevermind that his assumptions about space might be wildly off. He's feeling good and warm, and like he actually wants to try this thing— ] ... show me how this works.

[ He's extending a hand forward, like he means to shake. ]
Edited 2020-07-14 06:41 (UTC)
fossils: (pic#8212148)

[personal profile] fossils 2020-07-14 08:45 am (UTC)(link)
[ You sure? is answered with another look, a silent, teasing c'mon with nothing but confidence in his lazy half smile. Who else would he try this with?

He pulls in a breath as he clasps his hand around Bucky's, and with that air comes with a soft rush of something more. Like wading into a river, gentle banks giving way to deeper water— but he's not entirely in control of his own direction, or how far in he can reach. The sense that there's a barrier, a filter, and even if he knew how to press beyond it, he doesn't try. Just basks in those first rays of the spectrum, muted but warm, familiar. The parts they try to put to words, sometimes forgetting the language was always half unspoken to begin with.

His lips have been parted since that first breath, and he lets out a shaky exhale, his gaze fixed on their hands without actually looking at them. It's slight surprise that comes from him first. No reluctance— but otherwise almost a mirror. A warmer, hazier reflection of the same optimism, a gentle, smoke-scented nostalgia, and from beyond there he's less careful and controlled than he might've been without the buzz. His fondness is just as deep, his feelings in the moment unconditional, rooted down deep.

The memory evoked is short, old to a degree that the image has gone blurry, from before his recall was perfect. What held together are sensations and the odd visual detail: the weight of a skinny arm around his shoulder, the smell of the pavement after the rain, the flash of a grin, the staggering warmth blooming in his chest.

There's nothing special about it. He's not even sure anymore it's the first time you surprised him like that, but it was when it was still a surprise to be pulled in like that by someone— by a friend.

The images flicker in and out of space, fading again. ]
fossils: (pic#14141626)

[personal profile] fossils 2020-07-15 01:29 am (UTC)(link)
[ Pieces interconnect: two fleeting halves of a single memory, a small piece of a larger picture that calls to something bone deep, on instinct and trust and all those notions that are built over time on the foundation of acts and words, shared looks in silence, a shared history and implicit belief that I know you, as much as any one person can understand another. As tangible and concrete as anything built on memory, body language and feeling can feel, unquestioned because these are the senses you've got to perceive the world around you, and it's the same for everyone else.

This isn't like gaining another sense. It's not like going from colorblind to seeing the world in full color. It's not like seeing a Micheangelo in the museum for the first time, or any other awe-inducing moments in his life.

He's got no words for what it feels like to know. To call and be answered back, like to like. For reciprocity, and the relief that breathes from them both in the aftermath. The pinpricks that in the moment he can't tell are coming from him or you, the feel of fingers twitching as it all begins to shift— he doesn't resist, he can't tell the direction at first, only the sense of being led to a more muted space, then down, the bubble of humor in the back of his throat in the same instant his stomach does a little lurch.

He started this, so it's probably right that he pulls away first. His eyes start blinking back to sight as he wriggles his fingers out of Bucky's, gently disentangling them. Pulls the back of his arm to his mouth, trying not to laugh or gag. ]


Christ, hope you can taste that too.

[ Hot dogs coming back up the wrong way. You know he couldn't stand the smell of them for weeks after that.

He doesn't sound mad, and from behind his arm his eyes are still crinkling with amusement, his face just as flushed as it was before. A warmth radiating from the whole of him, buzzed on something more than alcohol. ]
Edited 2020-07-15 01:33 (UTC)
fossils: (pic#14141698)

[personal profile] fossils 2020-07-15 03:11 am (UTC)(link)
[ He pulls a face. Reaches for the glass as soon as it's full again and takes a drink to burn the phantom taste out of his mouth. When he sets it down again he leans forward, propping himself up by one elbow against the table, studying Bucky with a half-lidded look again, his body and features relaxed in a way that's almost cat-like, smug and satisfied. Like he's hardly ruffled by what just happened. And he's not— or at least he's not antsy about it in a way he can pin down with any specificity.

He's not worried.

Tomorrow.

He bumps their knees together under the table. ]


Not like us.

[ He's still smiling to himself as he refills his drink again, against whatever better judgement he might have had earlier. Brings the glass to his lips and raises both eyebrows. ]

I'm getting a hoverbike.
fossils: (pic#8043078)

[personal profile] fossils 2020-07-15 04:51 am (UTC)(link)
Who's old?

[ His mouth twitches at the corner as he fights a losing battle to keep his grin from widening, from laughing when he wants to pretend to be sour.

He looks anything but sour.

Not a damn thing in the world could sour him right now. ]


Look, we'll get a sidecar.

[ A flying sidecar. So you can ride along with him.

It'll be fun. ]
fossils: (pic#8295181)

[personal profile] fossils 2020-07-15 05:20 am (UTC)(link)
[ Probably kinda close to how he looked squeezed into that back of that Volkswagon they drove to the airport.

He scoffs, shaking his head and taking another drink. Sets it down slowly this time, chin dipped, mulling over something as he stares at the glass, flicking his gaze up with both eyebrows raised in question.

More exposed this time he asks. More exposed than even when they were touching. ]


One more time? Real quick.

[ He holds up an index finger in the space between them. ]
fossils: (pic#8212244)

[personal profile] fossils 2020-07-15 05:52 am (UTC)(link)
[ E.T.'s the last thing on his mind. Some kind of logic got him thinking maybe fingertips would be acceptable, less intense this time, go a little further in convincing him to try it again so soon.

So he's surprised when Bucky claps their hands fully again— and that's the first thing that pulses from him. A flash of surprise that gives way to the same kind of heady warmth and deep affection from before, hazier now with another drink and a half in his system but still just as strong, just as grounded. Like it's part of his sense of self. Wordless, unconditional welcome, a fleeting rush like adrenaline just because they get to do it again so soon.

He doesn't mean to hold on long. Urges him, breathless: ]


You let go first.

[ This time. ]
fossils: (pic#8212246)

[personal profile] fossils 2020-07-15 07:21 am (UTC)(link)
[ Every hit was worth taking, but god, it's good not to have to fight for once. To not have to struggle to find this place where they meet. To not be scared he's doing more harm than good. This ache. Catches in his throat— for a second his chest goes tight and he thinks he might be overwhelmed, let something spill back that would capsize them.

Grips his fingers a little tighter. Focuses on the sound of Bucky's breathing, letting that guide him too.

Matches it.

Same set of lungs.

The amusement tickles his throat, his chest, loosens the knot building there. He answers back with his own soft pulse of amused acknowledgement, digging his toes in the warm sand to ground himself. To hold his end without threat of wandering. To wait until he's ready to break off.

I'm with you. ]
Edited 2020-07-15 07:21 (UTC)
fossils: (pic#14141635)

[personal profile] fossils 2020-07-15 08:10 am (UTC)(link)
[ Alright.

The warning helps.

Alright.

His hand hovers in empty space for a few seconds before he lets it rest on the tabletop again. His palm actually is a little sweaty, but he only faintly takes note of it. He's still watching Bucky, still holding his breath— which he swiftly lets out again in a light, distant huff at his assessment, his long running smile lopsided again. ]


Happy drinking with you, pal.

[ It's a good ache.

Like after a long summer's day letting the sand and salt rub them raw, like the burn in your lungs when you can't stop laughing.

He sets his palms flat on the table, pulling himself up straight. ]


I need pretzels.

[ Nuts. Chips. Something salty. Fried grasshopper. He reaches over to clap Bucky on the shoulder before he stands (the room giving the tiniest lurch), tipping his head in question. ]

You want anything?