[open/closed]

[jettisons]

WHO: Bellamy + others
WHERE: All over New Amsterdam, plus some dreamscapes
WHEN: IC May
WHAT: Catchall! Closed and open starters. Hit me up at cephalopods if you want one!
NOTES OR WARNINGS: (Dreamed) death, general trauma

Comments

[jettisons]

It shouldn't be, but this is an... interesting situation. Bellamy doesn't really know how to handle it, either. He hasn't really known how to handle any of this with Murphy. Somehow, he always seems to be tripping up.

"Yeah, I think so. If you don't want to talk about it, we don't have to."

[reproached]

"There's nothing to talk about."

Murphy gives Bellamy's hand a light squeeze, as if that's some kind of confirmation it's the truth. It isn't, of course, and Bellamy can probably tell.

[jettisons]

Bellamy scoffs softly, a bit of frustration leaking through their bond.

"You keep saying that."

[reproached]

It's not going to work. Lying to Bellamy forever. It's why Murphy should never have gone home with him, should have found someplace else to stay and disappeared again. He needs to talk to Bellamy, but he knows that what he has to say will be the last thing he ever says. It's impossible to understand, let alone forgive.

"Please," he whispers. He needs Bellamy to just believe him. Just for now, stop looking for the truth.

[jettisons]

It's already not working. It's obvious there's something wrong, something Murphy is intentionally hiding, but he doesn't have enough information to work it out. Something to do with Abby is his best current guess.

But this is Murphy pleading with him in a way he's never experienced, and his jaw clenches, the bond flooding with worry again. He wrestles with it for a moment, that endless desire to help, to fix it, but finally he relents.

"Okay. Okay, I won't ask."

[reproached]

A fresh wave of relief pushes Murphy forward. He lays his forehead on Bellamy's shoulder, loosening the entanglement of their hands so that he can wrap his arms around Bellamy instead. It's not about keeping distance between them. He doesn't know how to make that clear without saying too much, but the truth is what makes this all fall apart, and he's trying to keep it together.

"I'm sorry."

[jettisons]

The bond fades, and Bellamy lets out a slow breath. Something is very, very wrong, and he can't imagine a way of dealing with this that doesn't make it worse. His hand comes up, smoothing slowly up and down Murphy's spine, trying to comfort him as much as possible. This might not be the way he'll do it in six years time up on the ring, but they've decided that doesn't matter, so he goes with his gut.

"You're okay," he says, voice quiet and a little rough. "We'll figure it out, Murphy, whatever this is."

[reproached]

Of course, Murphy doesn't want it figured out. He wants it all behind him. He wants to pretend it never happened, for Clarke and Bellamy to keep seeing him the way they see him now. Far from perfect, but at least he's not a traitor.

"Can we wake up?" he asks, without lifting his head. "I don't wanna mess all this up again."

[jettisons]

They can wake up as soon as Bellamy figures out how, but he hesitates, hand stilling. His response is gentle, not prying.

"Mess what up again?"

[reproached]

"The dream."

Their connection. Their shared mindspace. Whatever. It feels awfully fragile and likely to betray Murphy's secrets at any moment. He's lucky it wasn't Clarke's body he tripped over.

[jettisons]

"Alright."

He gets it, so no more questions. He just... tries to focus on ending the dream, on pushing back to consciousness.

There's nothing shocking or earth-shattering about it. One moment, they're outside, the sun shining and wind rustling through the plants, and the next, Bellamy is blinking awake in bed, Murphy beside him. Did that work for both of them, or just him?

[reproached]

It worked, although Murphy's slow to open his eyes. Neither unconsciousness nor waking seem very appealing to him right now. He'd like a third option, to escape somewhere. Maybe the bottom of a bottle.

His brow creases, his lashes twitch and flutter, and finally he chances a look over to Bellamy.

[jettisons]

Bellamy only looks over when Murphy does, and for the first time since he arrived, he actually itches to activate the empathy bond, just to figure out what's going through Murphy's head. They've been depending on it to close that gap a lot, he realizes. But he doesn't reach for him, just stays where he is, shifting his weight slightly.

"Guess it worked."

[reproached]

Murphy doesn't reach for him, either. Not because he's trying to hide, but because he's made the overall mood terrible enough already. Bellamy doesn't deserve to be subjected to any more of his subconscious wailing.

"Well," he sighs. "That was about as bad as I thought it'd be."

[jettisons]

Bellamy lets out a soft, almost amused sound.

"I thought it would be worse."

[reproached]

"Don't jinx it."

It probably wasn't much, Murphy realizes, without the internal panic of being discovered. But he sure as hell isn't saying that out loud. Instead, he inches a little closer to Bellamy.

"Next time let's try to dream about the beach or something."

[jettisons]

"You want an umbrella in your drink, too?" Absently, he reaches out to give Murphy's arm a squeeze. No empathy bond this time, just mundane comfort.