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meadowlarklogs2020-07-13 09:00 pm
bloodbathing) wrote in meadowlarklogs2020-07-13 09:00 pm
bloodbathing) wrote in meadowlarklogs2020-07-13 09:00 pm
no subject
Carolina needs an answer. Maine needs to provide one. He can do that. He can. The problem is that coming up with an answer isn't easy. Maine doesn't want to do this again. He doesn't want to trust someone only to be led into a trap, and he never wants to use his power on Carolina. However, he still doesn't see how Carolina can help.
After a pause, he forces out two words: ]
Not running.
[ It was hard enough to disobey and hide from Carolina the first time. Maine doesn't have it in him to do it again. ]
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[ "not running." she can work with that. so long as she can get to him, she can help. so long as she doesn't ignore dozens of warning signs, she can help.
carolina nods, closing her eyes when they start to water, something she'll be quick to attribute to the last hit her head took and not the exhausted relief of maine finally not fighting her anymore. ]
We could have done this somewhere with mats, you know.
[ next time, they will. carolina takes a shallow breath and looks to maine again, brows furrowed. ]
Any injuries feel critical?
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Last time, Maine was consumed with guilt. This time, the feeling is muted. It's hard to feel guilty when Carolina knew this would happen and still set it up. Mostly, he just feels sick. Disgusted by what he is — by what his power has made him.
Drake called it a stress response. But what the fuck kind of stress response could make him try to murder one of his best friends?
He shakes his head in answer to her question. His chest hurts with each breath, and he suspects that his ribs might be fucked up from that kick to his chest. But nothing life-threatening. Nothing critical. ]
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I'm sorry I deceived you.
[ sorry she asked her friend, someone maine barely knows to deceive him. but she won't let drake's involvement weigh anything more than necessary, won't let it seem like this wasn't all her planning.
her gaze goes to drake and ephemera, for the moment, confirming they're still alright, before she looks back to maine, opening her mouth as if to say something else, but the words don't come right away. ]
You— [ this is frustrating. when was the last time maine had to wait for her to find her words? after another false start, carolina raises her hands in front of her, one going to the wrist of the other, obviously telegraphing her intention to take her glove off. to touch him. ] Can I?
[ the empathy bond helps immeasurably when she can't find the right words with wash; carolina's sure it would help here too, if maine will let her try. ]
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Maine offers no response to Carolina's apology. He'll have to let it settle in his mind before he sifts through his thoughts and forms an opinion. Instead, Maine waits as Carolina glances toward the others. Finds his gaze focused dully on the red of her hair.
He could've killed her. He could've cracked her skull.
Revulsion digs its roots deeper and deeper. Maine shudders and looks away, returning his gaze to Carolina only when she starts trying to speak. And when she asks if she can touch him — if she can activate the empathy bond — Maine knows that he should refuse. He knows that he should keep his emotions to himself. He knows that he should get his fucking shit together. He knows that.
He lifts his left arm. A glove covers his hand, and a sweatband covers his wrist, but his forearm is bare. Silently, he offers it. ]
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the empathy bond is immediate, almost overwhelming, and carolina lets out a slow breath as she settles into it. she's frustrated and in pain and exhausted, above all else, but none of that is what carolina deliberately focuses on. what she highlights, what she needs him to feel is that she cares too much about him to lose him, trust laced heavy with regret.
her eyes flick up, check in on maine's face before she closes her own and deliberately shares a memory, something maine won't be familiar with, despite the fact that he's featured.
they're just outside medical on the mother of invention. maine looks like he's leaving; carolina is passing, headed somewhere else, but she slows her step for him.
"Everything alright?" carolina asks, without indicating who she's addressing and she doesn't seem surprised in the slightest when a bright, flickering avatar appears over maine's shoulder.
"Agent Maine had a follow-up concerning his recent headaches."
that seems like a reasonable enough response; carolina nods.
"I hope he's in good enough shape for tomorrow's mission."
"He will be. We thank you for your concern, Agent Carolina."
carolina gives the pair of them a nod and brushes past. the memory fades into the next one, in the locker room after training. she's breathing hard, winded from pushing herself too far and what's obviously the middle of an argument with york.
"Carolina, I'm just saying that maybe you should talk to him. He's your friend and Sigma's been giving me and D the creeps."
"Maine is fine, York. Focus on your own training."
the scene changes again: a mission, carolina's hud flashing health warnings about three different teammates in the corner of her vision. there's a dull fury in her, but that was the memory; carolina now is filled with guilt.
there's two enemies in front of her, ones that could be incapacitated easily by someone with her skill. she kills them both and darts ahead, into the alcove where maine and wash are pinned down. they're both moving, but the blood around them explains at least one of those health warnings. maine looks to be covered in the most blood and wash's health is a much lower priority to her.
"Sigma, status," she barks, the same way she would have barked the question at maine in the past. now she's just addressing the AI in his head, the one who speaks for him. sigma's avatar flickers into existence, starts giving a report of maine's status as the memory fades out, hazy.
carolina opens her eyes but can't make herself look at maine's face, so she just stares as his chest as she takes a breath, lets him feel all the sorrow and regret she's filled with when she thinks of those memories now. ]
I can't do that to you again, I refuse to.
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But Maine has never seen Sigma before. He's never heard the voice that supposedly spoke for both of them. And he's certainly never witnessed Sigma in action.
The storm in Maine's mind quiets as he watches the memories play out. As he watches himself — his future-self — through Carolina's eyes. It's… Shit, it's all wrong. Where that Maine should straighten and turn to Carolina, there's nothing. Where that Maine should nod, or shake his head, or shrug, there's nothing. Where that Maine should fucking respond, there's nothing. Absolutely nothing.
Maine keeps watching, feeling queasy for a different reason now. Is that what he became? Someone who existed without interacting? Someone who stood by impassively while Sigma spoke to Carolina? While Carolina spoke only to Sigma, not him?
He can feel the guilt and regret rolling off of Carolina. They're familiar emotions. Not exactly the same, but not too dissimilar from what he's experienced every time he's noticed the gouges on his wrist. And when the memories end and Carolina speaks, all Maine feels is stunned.
Maine isn't good with emotions. He's not good with words, either. Action is where he excels. It's what makes the most sense to him. It's what feels the most honest. So when he acts on impulse, leaning forward and using his free hand to try and draw Carolina into a hug, he doesn't second guess himself.
He's here. He's not leaving her again. ]
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but he doesn't pull away. he reaches out, pulls her closer, and carolina could cry with relief.
she slides her hand up to his bicep, wanting to maintain the bond just a little longer as she leans into his chest. her other arm winds up gingerly extended to wrap around his waist and it's pretty lacklustre, as far as hugs go. but it is a hug, one from maine, who says he won't hide from her anymore.
every inch of her aches but she's filled, too, with love for her friend. ]
You can be such an ass sometimes.
[ it's mumbled against his chest, the wording a little harsh, but the affection in her tone is impossible to ignore. ]
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On the surface, nothing about the situation has changed. Maine is still dangerous. Still a potential threat. However, it doesn't feel so fucking horrible and hopeless anymore. He may not know what to do about his power, but he knows what to do about Carolina.
He won't vanish on her. He won't become someone who doesn't acknowledge her. As long as she wants him at her side, he'll be there.
Carolina speaks against his chest, and Maine huffs a laugh that stirs her hair and makes his ribs ache. The lingering turmoil inside of him quiets down; in its place is warm, amused affection. ]
That's news?
[ Why deny it when he could gently tease her instead? ]
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No. You just haven't given me a reason to point it out in a while.
[ and he hasn't, but it helps the moment, she thinks. lets her be mad at him that they had to go through this and relieved that it's over. they still have to figure out how to manage his power, but so long as maine is willing to work with her, carolina is firmly convinced that they'll figure it out.
they're both stubborn enough for that, she thinks. ]
Drake wants to talk to you, but after, would you come back with me so we can justify Wash's over the top first aid kit?
[ as if carolina is not perfectly capable of using up his amassed first aid supplies on her own. ]
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A second later, Maine hums an affirmative. If Carolina wants him to come with, he will. He doesn't know how things will go with Wash, but shit, they can't go much worse than this did. Then Maine gives Carolina a gentle one-armed squeeze before reluctantly releasing her.
(One day, Maine might admit that he takes comfort in physical affection. But not now. Not here.) ]