meadowlarklogs

Tell me whatever you trust me with.

[It's not supposed to sound like a test. She just knows that she isn't actually his Kyna, so his comfort level is probably different.]

[It would've almost been less complicated if she'd asked him something specific, but now he has to choose and for a moment he feels irrationally backed into a corner despite that he started this conversation and was aware it might end up going this way.

But he takes a deep breath, letting rationality take a little more control again, and mentally sorts through options. One is most obvious, because it's a secret that it's better for him not to be secretive about, and it's something she should probably know anyway. It's doubtlessly going to come up at some point.

But deciding how to put it is a challenge, because he neither wants to be too blunt nor fall back into rambling, and then something comes to mind. After another brief hesitation, shifting on his feet a little and crossing his arms more firmly, he finally begins.]

So um, remember when you showed me the safehouse when I first arrived? And I got really nervous when we went into the building it was under?

[He knows she was aware at the time since she put her arm through his, and that was a gesture that Kyna in Hadriel had used a lot in those situations too, but it was probably not that important to her to remember so he pauses briefly to see if she knows what he's talking about or not before continuing.]

[She tilts her head slightly. She remembers, but she'd just assumed it was general nerves from everything that was happening.]

Yeah, I remember.

[Lance stalls again briefly, making sure he has the right amount of mental distance to continue; it isn't too difficult if he doesn't go into many details, which he definitely doesn't plan to, and so after a moment he's ready to continue.]

I um, I was nervous because... Before I arrived in Hadriel, I was working on a case, and I um... I got into an altercation with a suspect.

[It's a vague way to put it, but that's a part of maintaining that distance he needs. The other part is that he's more watching the wall than her face, still.]

I woke up in Hadriel before I actually died, but a friend from home who arrived later confirmed that's what happened. But I mean, I knew, before she told me.

[That sense of intuition had been so strong it was unmistakable, no matter how much he'd told himself it was worth holding out some hope. When Brennan had told him what happened, it was closure rather than a shock.]

But um, that all happened in a parking garage, and so the whole 'empty echoing structure' thing kind of... Bothers me, I guess.

[Oh. Oh. She's not sure what she was expecting, but it absolutely wasn't this. She's so shocked that for a moment, she's struck silent.

Maybe she shouldn't have asked him to tell her anything. This suddenly feels... unfair, even as she grapples with it. Her voice comes out quiet, a little tense.]

You... died? And you remember it?

[He shakes his head a little at that, not entirely sure how to answer without going into details he doesn't want to get into.]

No, I knew I was dying, but I hadn't yet. When I woke up in Hadriel, some of my injuries were healed enough that I lived, but the next few months kind of... Sucked worse than Hadriel usually did.

[And although it sort of bothers him that he only remembers bits and pieces of those first few months, especially the first one, he's also a little thankful for it.]

[Kyna hesitates, then takes a small step forward, reaching for his arm. She can't even bring herself to imagine it.]

Jesus, Lance. I'm sorry.

[He almost takes a step back on instinct but catches himself first, even if he does go a little tense, but it's just Kyna and he appreciates that she cares even if he shakes his head again at her comment.]

It's fine, it's been two years.

[As if that's an explanation instead of a deflection that's so obvious it almost makes him cringe himself, and so he feels the need to follow it up.]

I mean, it wasn't exactly the best experience, but I'm here now and I'll take that. Even the monster attacks and alternate dimensions and really awkward conversations.

[She winces a little, letting her hand fall, not wanting to make things worse.]

We don't have to talk about it.

[He's really botching this entire conversation at this point and isn't sure how to un-botch it, which is not helping his sense of unease and frustration. It isn't at Kyna and he doesn't want her thinking it is, and so tries not to let it show while still attempting to figure out what to say.]

It's okay, really. I'm just kind of... Amped up, you know? We've both had a bit of an exhausting week.

[To put it mildly.]

Yeah.

[That's an understatement.]

Do you want to be alone?

No, I'm... I'm okay. Really.

[And to not-so-convincingly prove it, he carefully uncrosses his arms and tries to let some of the tension in his posture fade. Right. Doing great.]

Besides, apparently we're going to have to actually work on figuring out dinner, since ramen's out.

[But attempt at a joke aside, he goes more serious again.]

I mean it; I wouldn't have told you if it weren't okay for you to know. And I'm... Sorry about the Hadriel stuff. I know it's just really, really weird.

[And he's still not sure how okay she is with it all.]

It's not your fault.

[She's still not entirely sure how she feels about it, but she really hasn't had much time to process it. Kyna sighs, rocks back on her heels for a second, and then steps forward to hug him.]

[He would've expected the hug from Kyna in Hadriel but here's a little more surprising, although not completely so. Not enough so that he doesn't accept it, and although he's careful about returning it it's pretty impossible to hug and not accidentally activate the empathy bond.

Lance's emotions are, probably predictably, a bit of a mess; he's anxious, unsure, tense, and there's an undercurrent of quiet sadness about so many aspects of everything they talked about. But there's also relief, and appreciation, and hope that things are going to be better.]

[She didn't mean to activate the empathy bond, and the second she feels it kick in, she tenses. But then, she realizes that his emotions are essentially a mirror of hers, and she relaxes, burying her face in his shoulder for a moment. She won't say it, but she needed a hug more than she realized.]

[This is easy and familiar and it's a relief to know that she feels the same mess of emotions that he does, and if he weren't so reserved about his own emotions the empathy bond would be such a useful tool in making sure there were no miscommunications in a situation like this.

And it's also obvious that Kyna needs the hug, and maybe he does too, so he's content to oblige until she decides to pull away.]

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