( catch all )

[leaderboards]

WHO: Carolina + others
WHERE: dreamscapes, around New Amsterdam
WHEN: july 2512+
WHAT: a catch all log
NOTES OR WARNINGS: general space marine ptsd; will update with anything else.

currently have one open dreamshare! will match prose if you feel more comfortable and feel free to hit me up if you want to plot something else: eflat or streetsongs#5551 or pm

Comments

[leaderboards]

As much as Carolina likes to pretend she dislikes any invasion of her personal space, Hawke has earned enough trust and affection for her to drop the act and give her friend a grateful little smile. The hand on her shoulder is nice, even if it's just in a dream. Reassuring.

"Right on both counts," Carolina says softly, obviously proud of that. Proud of Allison, proud to be her daughter. Hawke's told Carolina about her own mother before, so it feels fair to return the favour. "I grew up planning to enlist, so I could be like her."

And she's never been quite sure if she got there, if she ever became a person that Allison would be proud to call a daughter.

"You know, it's funny," she continues, in a tone that says that the following observation isn't really funny at all. "I can't remember where I was when my father was recording this. I had breakfast with my parents, my mother hugged me and said she'd see me in a few months and then... I went to school or to play with a friend or something. It doesn't really matter, I know that, but I still wish I could remember."

[championofsnark]

They've reached this place of comfort with each other without intending it, but that's the best kind of friendship for Hawke. She tends to slide her way into someone's life and heart and then burrow in, stay there forever. Carolina reminds her of Aveline, but she's a lot easier to talk to.

She nods, understanding well how a child would want to follow in a parent's footsteps. Bethany was like that with their father, but Hawke was the warrior in their family. And Carver followed her. She'll always regret that. But this isn't about her, this is about Carolina, and therefore the redhead gets her full attention.

"You think that these significant moments would feel significant when they happen, but most of the time, they're average. Every day shite." She gets it, she really does. Memories want to crystalize, but it doesn't work by sheer will power. Hawke keeps the hand on her shoulder since she doesn't seem to mind.

"It matters," she says gently, "because if that's the last time you saw her, you want to remember every detail, yeah? But brains don't work that way." Hawke half-smiles. "They're real arseholes that way."

[leaderboards]

"They are, aren't they?"

For all the crystal clear memories Carolina has, it bothers her that she doesn't know what happened after she hugged her mother for the last time. But Hawke's right: some things are only significant in hindsight, some last times can't be confirmed as the last for months or years.

"And to give myself a little bit of a break, six year olds aren't known for their attentiveness," Carolina says, tone dry, her weight shifting toward Hawke to gently bump her elbow against the other woman's side. It's gratitude not just for the gesture of affection, but for the space to talk about this.

"I try not to think about her too much," she continues, her smile a wistful one as she watches the footage loop again. It's so much easier, so much nicer to make this dream about her mother and not about the room they're in at all. "Obviously, my subconscious thought this needed to come up. Brains being shitty again, I guess."

my brain has returned to life

[championofsnark]

"You were only six? I have to tell you, I barely remember anything from that age." Hawke remembers vague things like her father, the birth of her siblings, them always moving and trying to keep under the radar so no one gets suspicious about the apostate mage. Her memories come more in snatches, like Bethany's first word or Carver's insistence on pulling her hair and laughing about it.

It's a shame though, that she lost her mother that young because it meant memories were gaps and difficult to grasp. She smiles when Carolina bumps her and bumps her back. She'd get along so well with her gang, she just knew it.

Hawke's attention moves back to the footage. "Or maybe you do want to occasionally think about her, and your brain's encouraging it. Just for now." It is a wistful and sad memory, but sometimes those have to be embraced. The mind is a troublesome thing, otherwise she wouldn't be caught forever in her mistakes in her own dreams.

"That being said, this is not your room, I take it. If you didn't want to be stuck on her." And this loop is in no way a healthy option for someone who wants to move on. "Not to poke at a sore, mind you."