( catch all )

[leaderboards]

WHO: Carolina + others
WHERE: dreamscapes, around New Amsterdam
WHEN: july 2512+
WHAT: a catch all log
NOTES OR WARNINGS: general space marine ptsd; will update with anything else.

currently have one open dreamshare! will match prose if you feel more comfortable and feel free to hit me up if you want to plot something else: eflat or streetsongs#5551 or pm

Comments

[hardwearing]

[ Wash is quiet while Carolina gathers her thoughts, lets her piece them together and get them out before he tries to formulate a response. And all he can come up with is.... it doesn't matter. ]

I'm not like that here. [ And as for later? ] And if it happens... when it happens... we'll figure it out. I know you're not going to leave me, that's all that matters.

[leaderboards]

Of course not. You're stuck with me.

[ it may be a weak attempt at a joke, but carolina's still trying.

her hands drop to his shoulders, letting him keep a hold of her wrist if he wants to, but clearly offering him an out from all of that heavy, guilty hurt she's trying not to let herself suffocate under. ]

And... So long as we're here, I can keep you from getting hurt. You and Maine both.

[hardwearing]

[ Rather than wanting to break away from the crushing guilt, Wash wishes he could carry it for her. There's plenty they both feel bad about but this isn't something that's her fault. He's certain of that, no matter what she thinks. It's just something that happened, and it sounds horrible but he'd never blame her. Right? He's never blamed her?

Part of him is afraid to ask, but he has to. ]

Carolina, I... didn't ever blame you for what happened to me, right?

[leaderboards]

[ the delay in her response here isn't because of carolina trying to sort out her words, for a change, but because she genuinely doesn't know what the answer is supposed to be. ]

I don't know. Not in so many words but... I thought you might have blamed me, sometimes.

[hardwearing]

...I'm sorry I made you feel that way. I'm pretty sure I'm wrong about that.

[leaderboards]

Maybe. Maybe not. I didn't do a very good job of protecting you.

[hardwearing]

It's not your job to protect me! I'm not the rookie anymore, you should be able to trust me to protect myself. But if you really had to, I know you'd do the absolute best you could. It wasn't your fault.

[leaderboards]

[ carolina pulls her hands from wash's shoulders then, breaking the hold he had on her wrist to let her arms hang limp at her sides. ]

I know you're not the rookie anymore. But if we were protecting each other and you're the one who wound up hurt, I... That's not fair.

[hardwearing]

[ Wash tenses up worse when she pulls back. ]

No, it's not fair. But it's just how things went. You wouldn't blame yourself if I got hurt taking a hit protecting you, right? Because you'd do the same. The one who winds up under fire is chance, Carolina...

[ He wilts slightly. ]

Don't close me out over this.

[leaderboards]

I'm not trying to close you out.

[ even if that's exactly how her body language is reading. even if trying to wall up her feelings inevitably looks the same as pushing wash away. ]

It's just— It was a really rough few months and I've been trying to forget about it because you're okay here, but... It was so hard watching you struggle, especially when you didn't want my help.

[hardwearing]

I always want your help. Even when I'm too stubborn to admit it.

[ He holds out a hand, not fully understanding what she's going through but desperately wanting to fix it. ]

Come on.

[leaderboards]

[ wash holds out a hand to her and carolina takes it before she can risk overthinking the moment, fingers squeezing his tightly. her emotions are still clearly a mess, guilt and worry she can't shake now that they've been dredged up tonight, but she's trying to take comfort in his company, the same way she does any other night where her dreams are just a little too much. ]

You do? Want my help, I mean?

[hardwearing]

[ Wash lets Carolina's emotions roll over him and leave him rooted in his certainty that it isn't actually her fault. He squeezes her hand and pulls her back in with it. ]

Yup. I do.

[leaderboards]

Okay.

[ it's quiet, carolina letting wash tug her closer, letting him be far more certain than she is that she hasn't committed some major transgression by letting him get hurt. it's a relief, that he does feel that way.

she pauses for a moment, then leans forward to rest her forehead against wash's shoulder, a gesture that means she's almost certainly going to turn the proximity into a hug, unless he does it first. although— ]

Would you be mad if I woke us up? I think I might need a better hug than you can give me here.

[ and it would be nice to force her brain to stop thinking about this room, even if it's relief that doesn't last. ]