𝚐𝚘𝚍 𝚋𝚎𝚌𝚊𝚖𝚎 𝚊 𝚋𝚘𝚡 𝚝𝚑𝚊𝚝 𝙸 𝚙𝚞𝚝 𝚖𝚢 𝚝𝚛𝚎𝚊𝚌𝚑𝚎𝚛𝚘𝚞𝚜 𝚏𝚞𝚝𝚞𝚛𝚎 𝚒𝚗

[texas]

WHO: Joel Miller, Gene Hicks, Jai Kinvaio + whoever else ambles by
WHERE: dreams! dreams dreams dreams
WHEN: dreams
WHAT: also dreams
NOTES OR WARNINGS: cws: violence, gore, potentially mentions of child abuse.

notes: There are some open starters and a lot of closed ones, hit me up here or @vitarays on plurk if you'd like a character-specific starter! Or drop me a dream of your own for me to throw someone at! Just specify who you'd like.

starters in the comments;

Comments

[wrend]

The feeling will be mutual.

( he doesn't have as many--surface level issues as jai has, most his shit's a little deeper. or. well. less deeper, more repressed. aidan doesn't have three years of therapy under his belt but he knows he's got problems. shit he's definitely not dealing with now or literally any time soon. like, good on jai for learning how to manage himself better and recognize what's going on and whatever, aidan's happy for him. but it's not something he's going to do.

the bed's fucking nice though. way better than the dirt, soft and comfortable and aidan momentarily distracts himself by running his fingers over the soft blankets. grabs hold of one of the pillows and starts turning himself over, tugging at the arm jai has pinned down in the process. )

I haven't been in a relationship in a hell of a long time. I'm not good at it. Probably'll fuck it up long before you do with whatever feelings you have that I won't like.

[kestrels]

（ he. sighs. claps both hands against his face and drags his palms down over his eyes. he stares a moment determinedly through the blinds of his fingers, and then blows out another longer, deeper sigh than the first. ）

I don't fucking care if you're bad at being in a relationship. That's not the kind of shit I'm talking about. I just need you to understand that if I'm letting you touch me it's because I want you to.

（ god he does not want to fucking talk about this, but he knows, in a way, it's like. setting a bone. putting a dislocation back into place. you have to do those fucking things you don't want to do to move forward. he takes another breath that shivers a bit, because of course he's fucking stressed out in the dream, and of course that makes him feel cold. anxiety attacks mean poor circulation, because your body's fighting to supply blood to your organs. ）

Whatever else is fucking — going on under the hood. No one fucking gets close to me unless I'm okay with it. Okay? I'm probably still going to make you feel like fucking shit, and if you don't think you can handle it that's fine. I won't hold it against you.

[wrend]

( what pisses him off is that jai had this bed in his noggin this whole time and instead of a nice comfortable mattress he had aidan laying on the goddman dirt. like. holy shit. the pillow even feels soft as a cloud. smells nice also. it's enough of a distraction that it delays the irritated scowl that spreads across his face when jai. brings up the touch thing again. )

You know fucking and a relationship are two separate things, right? Like. Shit that usually probably goes together but doesn't always. Plenty of people aren't into it. And I'm not saying that's your thing, ( jai has a complicated thing, aidan isn't digging into it because jai can do or say whatever the hell he wants. ) just that I'm, again, not expecting jack shit. And I don't care about that part. I knew you preferred your distance a long ass time ago, it didn't stop me from liking you. And--shit.

( rolling over onto his side on the bed, so he can get an arm under this pillow and relax, yes. )

You could kick my ass damn near effortlessly. I know I only get close to you because you want it. Or because you're tolerating it, or whatever reason you've decided to go with on a day. Whatever. I know if my being close was getting to you enough you wanted out, you'd take it. Because you know I'm not going to get pissed over it or offended or whatever other weird bullcrap people throw out there.

[kestrels]

（ he's never really had anyone give him this much fucking... space before. unconditional tolerance. it's why keeps trying to drive home the negatives, because by and large it makes him so deeply fucking uncomfortable to just. have someone look at all the shit he's done and all the shit he's in and just go all right.

everything just fucking hurts, and he rubs the heel of his hand down against the spot where havoc impaled him, and he doesn't know if he wants to fucking cry or punch something or both, because he's had those moments too. ）

Fine. Then we're trying it. And you don't get to fucking bitch about being bad at relationships.

[wrend]

( jai has laid here and bitched about all the things he's terrible at, why isn't aidan allowed to bitch, too. selfish much? rolling over on the bed so he's facing jai instead of facing away from him, aidan raises a hand. raises a finger between each point. )

I'm unreliable. I'll probably lie to you several times without even meaning to. I've cheated on someone but like, accidentally? Miscommunication. I'll take the blame for it, 'cause that shit doesn't just go one way. And chances are high I'll disappear for several days and show up high as shit hanging half inside the window at some point because I don't know how to quit without losing my fucking mind.

[kestrels]

（ being lied to generally doesn't bother him, until you wrap that up into the next thing aidan says. his expression pinches a little at the edges. ）

I've got jealousy issues. I don't like to share.

（ poly is — eh? all the rage down in the hollies, he supposes, and he isn't against it in theory, but he still knows that about himself. sharing — fucking anything is hard, much less the person he's dating. ）

I don't care about the drugs. If you're worried, I'll find the Telaxone equivalent here and make sure we've got a stock.

[wrend]

You've got your shit together. I just don't want to be the reason you fall off of it.

( he doesn't want to imply he even has that kind of power over jai but he's seen it happen enough times for it to be a concern. aidan rolls himself back over onto his back, moves to sit up. )

I worked around Rii for years, I'll figure shit out. Or quit and stay off, this time. ( or at least try to. maybe. ) And we can be exclusive.

[kestrels]

I'm not going to fall off anything. Trust me, I've thought about how much easier it would be to pop burners when I go out and get my fucking teeth knocked in, but I'm not fucking going back there. You'd hate who I am on that shit.

（ he does. still, after all this time. he sits up when aidan does, sort of a reflex, the desire not to be in a more vulnerable position when someone else shifts theirs. then he brings his knees up, wraps his arms around them, chin resting on the upward jut of the back of his hand. ）

If you want to quit, I'll support you. If you don't, I'll pick you up off the floors.

[wrend]

( aidan--slouches over easy. makes himself comfortable, shoulders loose and easy. no fight in him whatsoever. it's purposeful, but serves a different purpose with jai than it does damn near anyone else. his head tilts in towards jai, smile on his mouth. )

Oh, good. That makes me feel a hell of a lot better.

[kestrels]

（ jai continues to eye him warily for a moment, trying to discern whether or not that statement is sarcasm, and finally he lets it go. uncoils a bit from his position of adolescent angst. ）

Okay, so. Dating?

（ he means it in the sense of finalizing it. not set in stone, but — agreed upon, all conditions accepted and understood. ）

[wrend]

( it's half sarcasm, half legitimate. aidan knows how easy it is to fall back off when you try to get yourself together, which is. the last thing he wants to be responsible for, thank you. and jai probably would lie to him about it but he's really hoping it's not a mistruth, intentional or otherwise. )

Dating. Exclusively you and me.

[kestrels]

（ it's good enough. he exhales like he'd been holding a breath. ）

Okay. Don't think this means I won't elbow you in the guts if you snore.

[wrend]

Please do. Nothing makes me stop snoring faster than someone shoving their extremities into my gut.

( the lilt to his voice says he's just fucking with jai, and aidan's--quick to reach over, presses his hand against jai's upper arm for a moment before he's gently shoving against him. )

[kestrels]

（ he. lets it happen. it's like any of the dozen times aidan patched him up as the kestrel, that's it. nothing's changed just because they've agreed to suck a little face. it's fine. he lets himself be shoved, even, which is about as playful as jai ever gets about this sort of shit. ）

I'll consider that permission, then.

[wrend]

( no flinching, no immediate negative reaction. aidan is taking this as a win for himself. snorts as he raises a hand up, brushes fingers through the hair at the side of his head. )

I'm lying.

[kestrels]

About which part?

（ because his mind automatically jumps to. all the worst possible conclusions. ）

[wrend]

Elbowing me will probably only make me snore louder.

( clarifying only because he knows jai probably took that as worst case scenario and he's not here for that shit. )

You master any other dream shit, aside from changing where we're at?

[kestrels]

Nothing yet.

（ which he says with a bit of frustration, curbed by dragging a hand through his hair. ）

You think I'd be used to being thrown into weird-ass situations, it's like it happens every other week back home.

[wrend]

How'd you change the scene?

( since it's what he can do already, it seems like a good place to start. )

[kestrels]

（ he sucks his teeth, and then flops back against the mattress. ）

I just thought about it. That part's not hard. I bet you could probably do it too — give it a try. Change the drapes or something.

[wrend]

Oh, sure. 'cause my attention's focused on the drapery.

( instead of trying to change the curtains, aidan closes his eyes and changes the whole damn dream. one moment, they're in a nice comfortable bed in a nice room and the next they're--in his old place.

the bed's a lot smaller and much less a bed than a futon mat shoved into the corner of a room, one mildly decent-sized blanket wadded up near the head of it with more than a few tears in it. there's another bed in the corner opposite aidan's: one that is actually a nice mattress, with a couple blankets and a small pillow at the top. there aren't curtains on the singular window between them, but blinds that have seen better days. a half kitchen and a bathroom that's more--a toilet and a shower partitioned off by a thin board sit more towards the opposite end.

it's his -- well. the first place he'd had on his own. a couple years back, before he'd moved up a little. before he and rii had moved a little closer to the semi-nicer area of town, with the park a few blocks down the road.

aidan gets up onto his knees then stands himself up. looks around the room before he starts towards the door. )

Feel like causing some dream drama?

cw drug use/mention/addiction

[kestrels]

I don't even like drama in real fucking life, AK.

（ but he. recognizes this place. not in the sense he's been here, not in the sense that he's seen it, but. he knows what a shitty place in the hollies look like because he slummed it up in so many of them. he can see himself and des getting high in the corner on a futon just like that one, heating up a can on the shitty single-element stove because he doesn't have any actual pans. he stands up, folds his arms in a way that's almost a defensive inward curling, shoulders faintly hunched.

he's out. he's been out for years. but places like this still hurt. no one should have to live like this, and so many fucking people do. he never even knew what it was like to have something else until gal took him in — people can get used to anything. maybe that's the hardest part to hear. ）

[wrend]

( jai's body language isn't unfamiliar, but aidan doesn't understand what the hell his old place could do to cause it. unless it -- does bring back memories of a time jai's trying to avoid, shit he's trying to keep out. but if he was, aidan's betting he would have just avoided him altogether, because aidan's a walking reminder of shitheaps like this. so that--doesn't line up.

he could draw attention to it. ask what the hell is wrong with jai. but instead, aidan gives him a moment to stand there looking pathetic before he's tipping his head back and raising a brow. gestures towards the door. )

If you don't want it, we can just go back to your fancyschmancy bed and cuddle.

( because clearly cuddling is a thing they do now. )

[kestrels]

It's fine. You should practice anyway. Seems like this is a common feature of the whole 'god-thing' these people are peddling.

（ he does come and stand beside aidan, close enough to touch but not leaning into it yet. ）

[wrend]

( wow he was standing here waiting for jai to head out except now he's? what? should aidan take a step in, get rid of the distance between them? is there an expectation here he's not getting?

it's fine, he'll just stand here and wait. obviously jai will tell him or go for it eventually. )

Nah. I don't do gods. That's your area.