meadowlarklogs | i'll shake the world 'til it caves in.

( it's late-ish: a little bit of time after adam got off his shift at the cafe, but still with plenty of time to go out and get something to eat before the witching hour. he's got the next couple days off, both for their date and in preparation of handling kavinsky being stuck inside their place for the next. . potentially several days.

adam trusts ronan enough to leave him here with k, but he doesn't trust k not to be a piece of shit and cause problems, so he figures--he'll stick around through the worst of it. make sure nothing explodes in their faces before he goes back in. it's fine; their rent is paid, there's food in the pantry, he's not stressed over having enough. yet.

so instead he's here: wearing some of the clothes he'd gotten up on the moon, freshly showered so he doesn't smell like sweat and expensive posh coffee--with a hand reaching out for ronan's own. just the barest hint of a smile at the corners of his lips. )

Ready?

Edited 2021-03-15 06:04 (UTC)

[ they hold hands when they walk. not all the time, but often enough that it feels a little like holding hands in the car, or in the forest. this city is a forest of metal and stone, foreign and unfriendly and not where he belongs. ronan lynch is a tree grafted into the middle of a highway, and he has never felt more out of place in his life.

but his hand belongs in adam's. that hasn't changed. ]

You look good.

[ ronan looks like ronan. dressed in black with accents of red and sharp, zig-zagging patterns. danger danger i'm venomous. tonight's a little danger.

legal danger, but danger none the less. ]

( ronan always looks good: sharp features, bright piercing eyes, the kind of face that screams watch out, i'm coming. but adam has always been attracted to things that might scare off others. here comes ronan lynch, like a heart attack; adam's never been more pleased to have his heart skip a beat. )

Compliments will get you everywhere. ( hand squeezing ronan's tight, before he swings their joined fingers between them. starts towards the door. )

What's the plan?

( ronan texted k. asked him where he was. which. honestly should have been enough of a warning all things considered, but adam's also figured out by now that k's after attention, and at least this is giving him some attention.

namely: adam and ronan's, because they both show up to the alleyway outside the club he had been in. adam a few steps behind ronan using his bulk to try and disguise his presence since he technically wasn't invited, but came along anyway because he's. adam parrish. and he and ronan had decided to handle this together, even if adam didn't care much either way. )

[ he hadn't been expecting the text, and it had startled him into snapping a photo out front of the club he'd been exiting with like.. some guy, fuck, he doesn't know his name. had he met him in the club, or somewhere earlier..? it's not the guy he was staying with tonight, is it?

doesn't matter. he sends the pic and then forgets about it, a pill on his tongue and rough brick against his back and time jumping forward in fits and starts. the world seems to warp around him, hazy-edged, all his rage and all those things he doesn't want to feel flooding out of him. his skin is dialed up to eleven, lips like a brand on his hip, his fingers wound tight and punishing in someone's hair. and then he realizes his cheek is against the brick, fingers scrabbling, a bruising hand on his hip, and it's good, it's good, it's good, he thinks, fuck, what did he even take?

a hand paws at his jeans, and he laughs, unsteady, doesn't know why it's so fucking funny. it hurts, the brick, his clothes, fingers, teeth, too much suddenly in all the best ways.

and then it's. gone? he blinks, thoughts gone all syrupy in his head, wondering where the-- who was it? there was a guy, right? --voice nearby, cussing about being interrupted, and k laughs again, pushing his brow against the brick, then rolling his shoulder against it to turn.

.. lynch. ] Heyyy, baby boy, [ he slurs, and can't remember now why he was avoiding him. there's another guy here, some stranger looking angry, but kavinsky ignores him, all the focus he can muster zeroing in on tall, dark, and dreamy. ] You here to get your fix? [ he pats at the pockets of his unbuttoned jeans, remembers belatedly that he doesn't have cigarettes. ] 'M a little fucked up to fight back, Princess, but gimme a couple of hours and I'll be right as rain.

[ a pause, a glance to the stranger once more. ] .. You still here? Fuckin' go, man. [ furious, the guy spits at kavinsky's feet, but he goes. ]

[ even ronan would admit this plan is a little extreme. even for him. kavinsky should have the right to decide whether or not he gets clean. hell, kavinsky's the only one that guarantees he stays clean.

but then they find him here. pressed up against the wall by some fuckhead when he's barely on his feet. ronan's hand curls to a casual fist, his eyes locked on the stranger. ready to lunch at him and show him what fucking for, itching for a fight because he's been trying so hard to walk the straight and narrow for adam's sake. ]

Christ, K. [ that guy comes back around and he'll lose all his teeth. ] Let's get the fuck outta here.

( adam has expectations of kavinsky, and not good ones. he remembers the kind of shit he had been pulling back home. none of it had--really directly effected adam, until the mess with ronan had happened. and even then, he hadn't been there. he'd been deep in the woods, helping the leyline along so ronan could keep up with him. present enough to help but not enough to know exactly what had been happening up there.

this--wasn't among what he had been expecting. kavinsky's--well, kavinsky, but he's also still a kid. not someone who should be out here, with god knows who doing god knows what. adam winces at the sight of him, watches to make sure the stranger is really gone with a steadying hand on ronan's forearm to keep him from doing something drastic that they'd probably regret layer on. and as soon as he's gone?

adam steps out around ronan, moves in closer to k. reaches into the bag he had flung around his shoulder to try and find a flashlight. )

What did you take?

[ he blinks, and then parrish is there like unfortunate magic, effectively ruining the dark delight of lynch's sudden appearance. without parrish, the sky's the fucking limit. or-- it was? it used to be, when lynch was a night time creature just like kavinsky, roaming the streets after midnight. ready to fight or drink or race, lit by taillights and the bonfire of his anger.

and christ, but kavinsky's always loved fire.

but parrish-- sensible, practical, parrish.. so put-together, so ready to temper those flames, let them burn themselves down to coals. mister trailer trash, the ice queen of aglionby.

his palms itch, and he scrapes his nails over the stitches still barely hanging on in the one, taking a slightly unsteady sidestep away from him. he knows he's supposed to be angry with him. he thinks. it feels like he should be fucking furious. maybe with them both? but he can't dredge it up right now, still feeling slow and stupid and good-bad-relaxed. ] The fuck you two doing here?

[ but he can't think of why he shouldn't tell him what he took. it's good shit, even if it's not his shit. his was pure, his could get you fucked up without getting your ass dumped in a hospital. this? it's a risk, but hey, isn't that what life's all about?

he digs in one of his pockets, bringing out a little chalky pink pill and bringing it up to his eye, holding it between thumb and forefinger there and grinning, loose and amused. ] Why? You wanna' try it? You might even have a good time for once.

[ Adam steps up and Ronan eyes the two of them, weighs the option of this going bad. Kavinsky looks beyond fucked up and he's fairly certain he could sling him over his shoulder and carry him back to the apartment without any problem at all. ]

You call this a good time?

[ he sure fucking doesn't. this is a tragedy in slow motion. the antithesis to what had drawn him to kavinsky in the first place. all the power is now in someone else's hands. the danger is what's staring him in the face, the pill, the risk of overdoing it and ending up dead.

because that's what kavinsky wants.

he steps forward. ]

Pass. Move your ass, we're leaving.

( but he's not all put together. adam parrish is a mess carefully shoved into the shape of a human being, wearing a mask of functionality while inside he's just--doing his best to keep himself together. to keep everything from falling apart around him. to keep the control he desperately needs to feel like he's got every piece exactly where it needs to be.

and kavinsky is a rough reminder of what it could have been like, for him. if he hadn't pulled himself together enough to swear to himself he was getting out of that trailer park. if ronan hadn't stayed around two moments too long that day. if he hadn't decided that ronan was more important than keeping hold of the family that had never wanted him anyway.

this could have just as easily been adam's fate: waiting for everything to end because life is shit and finding something to reach out for and hold onto tightly takes so much effort that sometimes, sometimes it doesn't seem worth it. it isn't his life, though. this is the path joseph kavinsky decided to take. the one he threw himself down with so much vigor it killed him.

adam reaches forward to take the pill, looks it over and uses any identifying marks to run it through the network. figure out what he took, what they should be on the look out for. if this gets him on a list, so be it. when ronan steps in, adam shoves it down into his pocket, turns his attention over to him instead. )

Can you pick him up? I can carry him the second half of the way back.

[ he's having a hard time following what the fuck's going on, catching maybe one in three words, concentration fucking shot. but lynch hasn't hit him yet, and he's pretty sure they want him to go somewhere, and that's not fucking happening.

the world lists sideways, too bright at the edges, and kavinsky stumbles, catching himself against the wall, fingers scraping and vision swimming. ]

You two are fucking funny, [ he says, or thinks he says, tongue feeling clumsy in his mouth, teeth in the way. ] 'M not goin' anywhere, I was tryna get laid. [ but he'd sent the guy away, hadn't he? he'd thought-- for a second, he'd thought.. something. that everything in the last month was a shitty dream, maybe. that lynch changed his mind. that kavinsky changed his mind. but parrish is here and his stitches itch with the shaky memory of careful fingers. hadn't he known that kavinsky is all broken glass on the inside, and that he breaks everything around him, too?

it was all bullshit anyway.

he shudders, pushes up off the brick to try to shoulder past them. ] Okay, bitches, it's been fun, but I've got better shit to do than whatever the fuck this is.

I got him.

[ not that kavinsky could put up much of a fight like this.

if he'd known that day that this would be the ultimate fate of the boy so like himself, would he have rejected him quite so thoroughly? it would never have been the two of them. not when ronan had been so totally, incomprehensibly in love with the other boy standing beside him. not when richard gansey the third existed. not when glendower had yet to be found, and ronan was so mired in his own self loathing he couldn't seen an out.

but

it didn't have to be kavinsky alone.

he grabs the younger man around the waist, hefting him up. ]

( there's no point in checking him over out here. kavinsky's obviously a mess, high enough to stumble all over himself. so ronan steps forward, and adam puts away the flashlight for now. figures he can--make sure kavinsky's actually okay (or whatever passes for okay) once they get back to their tiny little apartment.

he waits until ronan has kavinsky by the waist before he actually. looks up to kavinsky, makes eye contact or whatever counts as closest to it right now. asks with an even tone: )

Did you leave anything inside?

[ lynch actually fucking picks him up, and kavinsky yelps, hands snatching at the other teen's shoulders like he thinks he's going to fall, clinging to him like a goddamn monkey. he's dizzy and confused, doesn't quite know what the fuck's happening or why. but even beneath the high, the fuzziness in his head, he knows this is the most that lynch has ever willingly touched him. it's fucked up that he's probably not even going to remember this later. ]

Fuck, [ he gasps, shaking, head beginning to ache. he doesn't want this, right? he's supposed to be spitting nails right now, that these two think they can barge into his goddamn life and do whatever the fuck they want--

he can't hold onto it. he squirms half-heartedly in lynch's hold, suddenly desperately not wanting to be touched or handled at all. he doesn't know what this is about, but they're both going to be condescending assholes about it, and k's too fucked up to give as good as he gets. ] Put me-- Leave me the fuck alone.

[ ronan ignores him, jerking his chin towards the club. ]

If he left anything in there we can pick it up when it's light out.

[ as if kavinsky isn't here. which - which he isn't, really. he's barely functioning. ]

Let's get the hell out of here.

Thought I would ask, in case he had anything important he didn't want to lose.

( but kavinsky isn't answering adam either so he's taking that as a no. there's a bit of squirming, but it's--ronan, and ronan can handle it. adam reaches out to press his palm against ronan's shoulder, quick contact that's over as fast as it started before he's turning on his heels to lead them off and out of the alley. they don't live particularly close, but there's the high speed trains stationed throughout the city with a stop nearby. )

[ his heart is starting to hammer in his chest, breathing rapid as he frees a hand from lynch's shoulder to shove at one of his hands, clumsy and uncoordinated. he feels heavy and wrong in his body, and lynch is just ignoring him, like he's not even fucking here. maybe he's not. what came here, after all? his body? his dreaming was taken, and he was already fucking dead, dead for days, for months, for years. dead and burning, turning himself into a bonfire, figuratively and finally literally.

his fingers slip, head lolling against the older teen's shoulder, struggling not to just close his eyes and let himself drift. ]

Don't.. ignore me, [ he mumbles, fingers curling into weak claws against ronan's shoulder. ] Fffucker.

[ ronan says nothing for a moment. lets kavinsky claw and struggle, leaning his had away and glad he's got no hair for the other boy to grab and yank. ]

You got my attention.

[ he says, just like you always wanted unspoken. ]

[ he's flagging and he knows it. he doesn't know where they're going and he's sure he doesn't want fuck-all to do with whatever this is, but he's not being given a choice about it, either. ]

Fffuck you, [ he slurs into his shirt. he wants to say more, wants to say that it's just lynch's dumbass sense of guilt and he doesn't want that. what he wants is lynch, and he can't fucking have him.

but he doesn't say any of that shit. instead, he finally gives in, skinny frame going limp, dead weight in ronan's hold. unconscious, or close to it. ]

[ feeling's mutual. he's out. thank fucking god.

so they just walk in silence. ]

( oh good. adam likes the quiet nice enough, too. he leads them up to the train station, stops a few feet off from where it'll stop when it gets here and--raises his hand instinctively to check his watch. except he doesn't have it. ah, well. )

That was easier than I thought it'd be.

Might not have been.

[ if they'd been a little slower. Even just a a few minutes slower.

He can feel all that kavinsky feels from that little touch. The high. The euphoria of a wall being put between his emotions and the world. ]

He's a fucking wreck, Parrish.

I know. ( he'd say because he wants to be or he chose this both things which are--true. but they're also not the kind of things ronan really wants to hear here. ronan's all sharp edges on the outside, but adam learned a long time ago that it's--a shell, a disguise used to keep everyone from seeing who ronan lynch truly is.

and being harsh on kavinsky isn't going to help them right now anyway. )

I had to touch him to fix up his hands. He wasn't high then but I'm sure most everything else was close to the same.

[ fuck him. fuck this. fuck the loneliness that being a dreamer brings. The need for connection that has them all twisted into pieces. ]

Just about.

[ moron. ]

We'll tie him up. Let him sweat it out.

Sure.

( not much else they can do, is there. the train arrives, and adam finds a nice row of seats towards the back of the car. gestures ronan in with his.. unconscious mess of a person. )

[ ugh.

he keeps hold of kavinsky, swapping his hold to a princess carry. Not taking any risks here. ]

I'll tell the rest of them to ignore it if he starts bellyaching.

There's only so much we can do, here.

( shoulders slumping over as adam leans up against the side of the seats. doesn't sit but keeps between ronan, kavinsky, and the hallway leading to the train door. just in case. )

We can get him clean, but if he doesn't want to stay clean, we can't just leave him tied up in the kitchen for forever. He has to want to take care of himself.

Clean's a start. If he decides he wants to keep fucking himself over once he's sober that's his business.

[ and this is more than anyone's ever paid attention to joseph kavinsky in his life. the real kavinsky. the festering, rotting corpse of his soul. not the flashy glamor he puts on to mask it, drugging everyone else into submission. ]

I can head into his dreams. See what we're dealing with.

It doesn't work the same way, here.

( something that doesn't need to be repeated but he does anyway. there's no control over it like there is back home. adam can't even scry into dreams anymore. and when he does end up in them, it's--usually not by his own choice. )

I know.

[ but he can try. he can try, damnit. ]

I won't tell you not to.

( because ronan does what ronan wants regardless and if he wants to try, who is adam to stop him? it doesn't work the same, so it's not--nearly as dangerous. as far as dream hopping goes, this is a fairly safe bet. )

[ and that too he knows.

but rather than say that, he leans closer. lets their shoulders brush. ]

I'm not gonna kill myself keeping him off the edge.

[ he knows that won't work. he watched it happen once already. ]

( and adam presses a little closer, still standing but leaning into ronan. even if he's holding a good hundred and something pounds of potentially dangerous ex dreamer. )

That's all I ask. You know I'll do what I can to support you.

I know.

[ they'll be fine. even if kavinsky won't be. ]

We might need to outsource a doctor. Dunno what the comedown offa all of this shit is gonna be.

I know someone.

( he's not sure if he trusts him or not yet but gene seems fine. usually. it's just that adam doesn't trust most people further than he can throw them. )

Do you want me to give them a call?

[ the secret animal in him with the voice of his mother's dauntless declan says no, don't. more strangers means more danger. he's already at risk of revealing so much, even if all of it is irrelevant here.

the better, more rational part of him sees the need. ]

Yeah. Last thing we need's for him to keel over.

Right.

( they're nearing their stop, so adam bends down close to ronan. reaches out for kavinsky. )

I'll get him the way back.

[ he hands him over. he's skin and bones. ]

He needs a fucking cheeseburger.

What is he, a hundred pounds?

( definitely light. adam maneuvers k over his shoulders, slides an arm between his knees and grabs hold of his forearm with that hand to keep him steady: a fireman's carry. comfortable enough, as he carries kavinsky out of the train and off towards their apartment. )

Maybe if he's soaking wet.

[ add that to the list of ways they need to fix kavinsky up. ]

We'll work on that after we get him down.

( there's a distinct lack of cheeseburgers but they'll find other fatty foods to shove into him. not that adam can really talk, given how he used to make a protein bar last an entire shift, but. they have options here. )

[ there's a noise of affirmation. ronan slouches his way out of the train and they pick their way towards home. ]

Better hope the walls aren't shit.

They're--not the worst.

( their apartment is cheap but efficient. not really meant for screaming addicts but adam did take into account the fact he wouldn't be living here alone. )

I didn't want our neighbors complaining.

[ boy thinks of everything. ronan grins wolfishly. ]

This'll be a good stress test.

( rolling his eyes, because. technically ronan isn't wrong but also-- )

Might be the only noise we have for a while.

i'll shake the world 'til it caves in.

ronan : follow me into the endless night

no subject

no subject

ronan & k : i'm a subject of a nightmare

cw: uhh.. implied underage dubcon, drug use, the usual kavinsky content

no subject

no subject

no subject

cw overdose reference

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

Cw dubcon mention

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject