reneger: (Default)
jason todd. ([personal profile] reneger) wrote in [community profile] meadowlarklogs2018-11-23 05:37 pm

those who died are justified;

WHO: jason todd + various
WHERE: ~~everywhere~~
WHEN: August 9th-16th ish
WHAT: grungefest dates, disappointing siblings, ruining markus' life, etc etc
NOTES OR WARNINGS: booze, bad flirting / vague discussion of torture, murder, and child abuse in damian's thread

selfimage: — ɢᴀʀʙᴇᴛᴛ — (Time will crawl.)

[personal profile] selfimage 2018-12-03 08:44 pm (UTC)(link)
[ there's a little sizzle in the background as Loki adds more pancakes to the pile. it's not a stretch for him, these sorts of events happened to him all the time, but he's beginning to understand something about Jason: the failures that he's blaming himself for had come with consequence beyond that of his own making. a stone falling down a mountain and becoming an avalanche.

Loki's wins, or failures, had always been as extravagant as they were meant to be. they hurt the people they were meant to, whether it was Thor, his father, or all of Asgard. while Jason was thoughtless, he didn't seem to want to deliberately hurt people. it had been something Loki had given up when he began this new life: no more using people to play on his own ambitions. no more burning others. thoughtlessness took other forms, and he was still working that one out.
]

That sounds like something very, very big. [ and non-mortal. ] How was this your fault?

[ there's context here that Jason isn't giving. Loki sounds like he's trying to connect the gap between one thing and the other. ]
selfimage: — ᴍᴄᴋᴇʟᴠɪᴇ — (Day in day out.)

[personal profile] selfimage 2018-12-04 04:47 am (UTC)(link)
[ out of the cabinet comes the syrup: Loki's upped his game, there's simple syrup and cherry simple syrup. the only good thing about living in this place is that not much is artificial anymore, and it's made from real cherries. if it's one thing that Loki is very serious about, it's breakfast. ]

If Thor hadn't shown me compassion, I wouldn't be here. More times over than I can remember, or count, for that matter. [ the stack has reached six pancakes, and Loki's adding another. ] Perhaps you made a poor decision in the end, but that doesn't sound like that's all it was. Misfits and clones with expiration dates need a place, too.

[ he leans against the counter with his elbows, twisting a fork in his fingers before digging in. that had partially been the point of his own origin story: Loki the misfit, Loki the one who never fit in with neither the gods nor giants. ]
selfimage: — ɢᴀʀʙᴇᴛᴛ — (Set fire.)

[personal profile] selfimage 2018-12-05 05:28 pm (UTC)(link)
[ Loki's never been good at it either. he's been a catalyst: someone who breaks things apart, breeds destruction and causes disruption. the gods had never been good at anything that rocked their boat, so he became something villainous to them. in some cases they were right, in others ... well, they were just scared. ]

Try to do something good. [ he twists his fork in the air. there's a wry tone to his voice. ] And somehow—somehow—it always comes back. As someone who's former incarnations found their own accountability lacking, well, everything gets bigger the more shit happens.

[ it's easier to blame yourself, it's also easier to point the finger. he hasn't found a good in between on that one, yet. responsibility had never been his strong point, no matter how much he tries to get better. there are some things that still sit heavy with him.

then he pauses, and sighs like he's not good at this at all.
]

I suppose ... what I mean to say is ... [ the fork is held between his thumb and forefinger, and he lets it droop to either side like a teeter-tauter. Loki always looks like he knows what he's doing, always collected, but his expression relaxes a little bit. ] You gave someone a chance, even if it ended badly. Some of us need that. It must be worth something.
selfimage: — ɢᴀʀʙᴇᴛᴛ — (As the world falls down.)

[personal profile] selfimage 2018-12-07 03:16 am (UTC)(link)
[ there's a thoughtful look on his face, like he's remembering something.

if he couldn't believe in the breath of possibility between his own failures, then he was lost. sometimes it felt like he was closer to his own framework of Loki, and other times it was just a sick dance toward the next disaster. King Loki had put a stake in the ground, and he couldn't turn to that pit that demanded his own existential demise. where Jason blamed himself, Loki blamed others, but this was neither. he could claim to know his former friends, but anyone with a shred of immortality chose a fate of their own design; taking the blame for that felt like discounting their own choices.

their situation was poor, even disregarding the crap from their own worlds: drugged and controlled, forced into a corner and then left here to be used. Loki hated all of it, but Jason made it more tolerable. (even right now when he's shoving pancakes into his loud mouth.) it's just like Verity made certain things better, like David had. maybe he'd burn the rest to the ground when he found out who did this.

ah, but for now.

a ghost of an ironic smile turns up at the corners of his mouth, dangerous like the edge of a knife.
]

...

To thieves and rebels. [ he holds up the fork to clink it against the cup. ] Shouldn't we follow that up with something else? Like "may the fires we light burn bright" or ... "may our explosions be large and gratifying" and blah blah blah?

[ what had he said to his former incarnation? he would rather die than not change. ]
selfimage: — ʙᴏɴᴅᴏᴄ — (The landstrider journey.)

[personal profile] selfimage 2018-12-07 03:51 pm (UTC)(link)
[ there are certain aspects of this that he's well aware of: that Jason may leave at any time, that Thor might, that Jason might find out what he's really like and cast him away for it, that he may leave and return to Asgard, that they may find who's done this and it'll end. it's an uncomfortable feeling that he's willfully ignored, covering it with the sour taste that came along with his freedom being stripped away. ]

Hm? [ the exchange is a surprise, and he gets a hint of dread that stirs something in him. it's a feeling that he's constantly dancing with, that pools at the base of his belly and tightens in his chest. Jason's spooked.

it passes, and Loki's fingers curl in his shirt as he examines his face. there's a lift of his brow and a little suspicous line of his mouth.
]

Don't worry, I'll have you make it up to me. [ perhaps he shouldn't let him go, but he's not Jason's keeper. there are not many mortal agents of chaos, but he knows well that Jason is a catalyst, and Jason is struggling with it. ]