WHO: jason todd + various
WHERE: ~~everywhere~~
WHEN: August 9th-16th ish
WHAT: grungefest dates, disappointing siblings, ruining markus' life, etc etc
NOTES OR WARNINGS: booze, bad flirting / vague discussion of torture, murder, and child abuse in damian's thread
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( jesus. this is hard. but loki isn't asking, isn't demanding, isn't even prompting. he's just leaving openings. )
There was an explosion, something falling from the sky, a preventable disaster, was going to kill a good portion of my city. They threw it through a portal, had to go through it themselves. But it was a portal that functioned off the structure it was pulling through it. So who the hell knows if they're alive.
( that half explains it without getting into biz's . . business. )
They're fucking indestructible. An Amazon and a Kryptonian. God, after Roy I didn't want to work with anyone else, but I figured--hell, they can both kick my ass, I couldn't hurt them unless I was seriously trying to, I wouldn't accidentally cause any damage. But here we are.
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Loki's wins, or failures, had always been as extravagant as they were meant to be. they hurt the people they were meant to, whether it was Thor, his father, or all of Asgard. while Jason was thoughtless, he didn't seem to want to deliberately hurt people. it had been something Loki had given up when he began this new life: no more using people to play on his own ambitions. no more burning others. thoughtlessness took other forms, and he was still working that one out. ]
That sounds like something very, very big. [ and non-mortal. ] How was this your fault?
[ there's context here that Jason isn't giving. Loki sounds like he's trying to connect the gap between one thing and the other. ]
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( wouldn't try again, not after what he saw in bizzaro that first time. when he'd brought his gun equipped with kryptonite, ready to blow out his brains because while jason was controllable to an extent, bizzaro never learned restraint. he crushed heads without hesitation, without thinking through consequences. but he was jason's family still. )
He needed someone, and I wasn't there. We--knew he wasn't going to last much longer, clones like him have an expiration date. But I lost focus. Let some other stupid bullshit distract me. I wasn't there when he needed someone. I didn't get there in time to stop the base from self destructing.
( but he lifts his shoulders, gives an easy shrug. tries to let it go. )
Shit happens.
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If Thor hadn't shown me compassion, I wouldn't be here. More times over than I can remember, or count, for that matter. [ the stack has reached six pancakes, and Loki's adding another. ] Perhaps you made a poor decision in the end, but that doesn't sound like that's all it was. Misfits and clones with expiration dates need a place, too.
[ he leans against the counter with his elbows, twisting a fork in his fingers before digging in. that had partially been the point of his own origin story: Loki the misfit, Loki the one who never fit in with neither the gods nor giants. ]
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and just as satisfying as jason had hoped. thank you very much. he takes the time to chew around the pancake before bothering trying to answer, swallows down, )
Yeah. That's me. Gatherer of misfits and clones. ( but his tone turns spiteful, sour. ) For all the good it does, when I get everyone fucking killed.
( destroys everything he touches, ruins every relationship he tries to build up because jason isn't responsible, he's not good at this, he's not good at holding people together and definitely isn't great at keeping them alive. )
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Try to do something good. [ he twists his fork in the air. there's a wry tone to his voice. ] And somehow—somehow—it always comes back. As someone who's former incarnations found their own accountability lacking, well, everything gets bigger the more shit happens.
[ it's easier to blame yourself, it's also easier to point the finger. he hasn't found a good in between on that one, yet. responsibility had never been his strong point, no matter how much he tries to get better. there are some things that still sit heavy with him.
then he pauses, and sighs like he's not good at this at all. ]
I suppose ... what I mean to say is ... [ the fork is held between his thumb and forefinger, and he lets it droop to either side like a teeter-tauter. Loki always looks like he knows what he's doing, always collected, but his expression relaxes a little bit. ] You gave someone a chance, even if it ended badly. Some of us need that. It must be worth something.
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chews on it while he thinks what words to twist. sincerity has never been his strong suit, bringing any of this up was probably a mistake. loki knows a little too much for his taste, but jason can't help opening his mouth and spilling out more bullshit, anyway. it's too late to go back--and even if jason could, the shit that damian has spilled mixed with dick's identity and their whole brothers shit is enough. anyone could tear open the very thinly veiled mask over their identities, pull together who bruce wayne is if he shows up.
jason should care more, probably. but he's already fucking disappointed him enough for seven lifetimes, a little more can't hurt anyone. besides: loki already has his name. there's a loose, barely there smile on his lips when jason raises his (water) glass up, offers it over to loki. )
"Us", huh? To misfits and outlaws, I guess.
( may as well keep to his brand. )
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if he couldn't believe in the breath of possibility between his own failures, then he was lost. sometimes it felt like he was closer to his own framework of Loki, and other times it was just a sick dance toward the next disaster. King Loki had put a stake in the ground, and he couldn't turn to that pit that demanded his own existential demise. where Jason blamed himself, Loki blamed others, but this was neither. he could claim to know his former friends, but anyone with a shred of immortality chose a fate of their own design; taking the blame for that felt like discounting their own choices.
their situation was poor, even disregarding the crap from their own worlds: drugged and controlled, forced into a corner and then left here to be used. Loki hated all of it, but Jason made it more tolerable. (even right now when he's shoving pancakes into his loud mouth.) it's just like Verity made certain things better, like David had. maybe he'd burn the rest to the ground when he found out who did this.
ah, but for now.
a ghost of an ironic smile turns up at the corners of his mouth, dangerous like the edge of a knife. ]
...
To thieves and rebels. [ he holds up the fork to clink it against the cup. ] Shouldn't we follow that up with something else? Like "may the fires we light burn bright" or ... "may our explosions be large and gratifying" and blah blah blah?
[ what had he said to his former incarnation? he would rather die than not change. ]
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God, Lo, you're-- ( something else is where he was going with that. maybe fucking amazing, but he stops mid-sentence. remembers who he's with, where they're at. what the hell he's supposed to be doing here. and it's not--quite right. there's something off, something he got bits and pieces of before. jason hasn't fucking laughed like this in. forever. but he does so freely here without restraint. without memories weighing down on him without things hurting so bad.
he's comfortable. too comfortable. getting too used to all of this when it's all going to come crashing down around him any moment. he'll fuck something up, again. do something truly fucking awful, again. destroy any chance at maintaining jack shit and when their goal is to get out of here anyway? god, what's the point of all this? of being friendly, of making faces and eyes at gods, getting along with the local vigilante crowd--
it's all fucking pointless. the fork gets set down on the table as he finishes what he has, purses lips before he's turning in to press a kiss against the curve of a cheekbone (there's something dark in there, a deep-seated fear. jason tries to hide it under the contentedness of before, but) with one hand raising to try and help loki turn in towards him more, fingers brushing through dark hair. )
Hate to eat and run, but I forgot 'bout something. I'll see you tonight?
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Hm? [ the exchange is a surprise, and he gets a hint of dread that stirs something in him. it's a feeling that he's constantly dancing with, that pools at the base of his belly and tightens in his chest. Jason's spooked.
it passes, and Loki's fingers curl in his shirt as he examines his face. there's a lift of his brow and a little suspicous line of his mouth. ]
Don't worry, I'll have you make it up to me. [ perhaps he shouldn't let him go, but he's not Jason's keeper. there are not many mortal agents of chaos, but he knows well that Jason is a catalyst, and Jason is struggling with it. ]