meadowlarklogs | ARRIVAL LOG 008

Entry tags:

ARRIVAL LOG 008

WHO: Everyone
WHERE: New Amsterdam
WHEN: Night of October 5 to night of October 8
WHAT: The eighth arrival
NOTES OR WARNINGS: Coercion and loss of autonomy, alcohol usage. Further notes at end of log.

> ARRIVAL LOG #008

Awareness comes to you in blurred snatches, cloudy fragments of sound and light, color, sensation. Hazy and difficult to grasp on to, but slowly aligning into focus. A series of regular, rhythmic beeps. A medicinal, astringent smell. The sensation of movement, a low hum and accompanying vibration under you. Your eyes are heavy, hard to keep open, but in the glimpses between slow, dark blinks you see four people in black body armor seated opposite you, as well as a man in dark gray scrubs.

You realize there are others next to you. All of you in blue short sleeve shirts and ill-fitting jeans, hair recently cut but at various stages of growth, restrained by straps across your chests, arms, feet, holding you to the bench under you. To your left, an armored interior door, two more people visible, the movement of streets passing through a windshield. You try to open your mouth to speak, but it's as if your tongue is coated in tar, and you manage nothing more than an empty parting of lips.

The vehicle stops. The guard opposite you stands and comes to unbuckle you from the bench, helping you to your feet. Your limbs feel wooden and heavy, slow to move. One guard opens the back of the vehicle, and false, colored light, illuminating the streets in the distance will first alert your senses of being somewhere else, combined with warm air that's only cooled with the setting of the sun. The nurse moves to stand at the back, checking each passenger over one by one just before they're helped out of the vehicle, quick and methodical. He doesn't climb out after you, moving to sit as the last passenger is unloaded.

The guards keep their heads down. Their actions are quick, firm, but not entirely unkind. Once all the passengers are out, they climb back into the vehicle and close the doors. The engine powers up again, and then the bus is gone.

You're left alone in an alley, with no idea of where you are or why you've been brought here.

Around the corner of the alley, there is the smell of beer and a weird yodel-like sound – no, wait. That is definitely yodeling and beer. Further movement forward will lead to you finding yourself in a busy area filled with multiple people carrying reusable cups full of liquid. You've just shown up at a party with a bunch of people wearing nearly identical clothing. The good thing is that everyone is probably too drunk to notice.

◉ Though entirely capable of independent action and thought, new characters will find themselves completely, unquestioningly compliant to any verbal statement which could be taken as a command or request.

> OKTOBERFEST

The message from El comes the same as usual: insistent, not waiting for any active attempt to open it. Scrolling within your vision as if being written while you're reading it.

I'm starting to think that the arrests last month mean that our friendly delivery men have had to change up what they're doing. Either way - the group waiting for you this time is huge. The get up? Blue shirts, all around. Let's see how long that lasts. Anyway. Arrival #8. You know the deal, don't you? I bet you're all already out there having a good time.

Although New Amsterdam is a mish-mash of world cultures, there are certain traditions that took root in the city as it began to form its identity. Yes, one was Anime Naexpo. Another? Oktoberfest. Hoping to capitalize on the heritage of the region, businesses throughout New Amsterdam pushed for the continued celebration of Oktoberfest. In fact, the only time it wasn't celebrated was during the Xelkoven War, as the fight between humans and AI meant that any celebrations were put by the wayside.

Perhaps even more so than having to work during an anime convention, Oktoberfest is not a fun time for customer service workers. All around, various different cashiers, food truck chefs and drivers, rickshawers, couriers and more find that they don't have a choice but to dress up in Dutch costumes recalling times of the past. These costumes are typically pulled out of some back closest and generally assigned to the employees, so some of them won't fit all that well. The problem is that it isn't cool enough to be dressed in these as the days cool off, and the only saving grace is that they get to work at night rather than the day. The early parts of their shifts are miserably hot, and things don't get better from there. If your character is a customer service employee, they can expect some uncomfortable days ahead.

Somehow, the discomfort of the various workers doesn't come in the way of the loud and festive activities. All around New Amsterdam, various tents go up selling a lot of different wares, many of which are probably second hand junk that people are trying to sell off for a few credits. This is the time when the Black Market stops working underground, instead opening temporary store fronts in tents that are far too nice for the wares they're providing (but at least they're trying to be a less obvious money laundering front). If someone's looking to get in good with the underground or get a sense of how to find these places for some actually illegal goods, Oktoberfest is a prime place to start.

Otherwise? Oktoberfest is likely full of what anyone would expect: a lot of beer, funny looking Bavarian clothing, a lot of live music, and a lot of opportunities for drunken folk to put on a good show. If your character is the type to look for an opening to grab some attention, this is the place to do it.

◉ There will be a lot of beers available in pretty much every single tent. The drinking age in New Amsterdam is 18, but it's equally unlikely that anyone will be checking implants with how busy everything will be. The most popular beer this year? "We're Lucky We're Not Cyborgs," an extremely hoppy IPA made by the most popular brewery in New Amsterdam. All of the beers are available in bottles that you can return for more, as businesses no longer sell alcohol by the can. Think of growlers – but in a far more manageable size! Feel free to come up with the cyberpunk name of your dreams for the beer. Or people can just drink the New Amsterdam River – which is the name of the beer with a picture of the man-made river on it. It's cheap, but reliable. Oh, and for those of you that don't like the taste of beer, there's cider and mead on tap at most places as well.

◉ There will be various stages all over for acts to perform, but the schedules will not be full. Before long, the characters will know that Oktoberfest is where some people plan to get discovered. And … it's also a place where some people become social media sensations, in either good or bad ways. Need to propose to someone? Need to show off your abs? These stages are the place to be. If someone's not up there, take the chance and make it your time to shine. Or … go down in infamy.

◉ Most of the food throughout the festival will harken back to its German heritage, albeit without a whole lot of success. There are sausages, but much like the hot dogs of today, it's likely better that you don't ask what's in them. A safe bet is the large array of potato dishes around. These are delicious – and cheap!

◉ There are some competitions, too! Virtual fencing – albeit in a very, very amateurish way – and virtual crossbow competitions happen throughout the three-day event. And then there's yodeling. One of the stages will be dedicated to this the entire time. Yes, people practice to win big, but that doesn't mean that everyone has to practice.

◉ Like with Oktoberfest of the past, celebrities will have their own VIP tent right in the heart of the financial district. If you have a favorite music, film, or movie star and they have a penchant for partying, this is the place to be. Sneaking in will be hard – but not impossible. Though some will find that they might have to work this tent. These celebrities can't go without their coffee or beer, after all.

> SAFEHOUSE

Access to the safehouse is a hatch hidden behind stacks of empty storage shelves in the back of an abandoned supermarket in an outer district of the city. The immediate area is similarly abandoned, empty stores, flanked by several blocks of dive bars and clubs which cater to more niche tastes. A place where people can come and go unseen, or, if seen, not spoken of. A dark haired woman called Gaby is ready to greet the new arrivals and get them settled in, brusque and no-nonsense – she'll be open for in depth questions later, but will advise everyone to ask the people who brought them in for the beginning bits of information.

◉ The safe house is a large open space, filled with rows of basic cots set up to sleep a large amount of people. Basic, but outfitted with everything necessary for daily life. A few doors lead to back rooms for storage, medical care and a large communal bathroom, and past the long rows of cots there is a communal kitchen, fully stocked, and an eating area. Privacy is at a minimum.

◉ New characters will be asked to pick their beds, and provided with a change of (second-hand, mismatched and somewhat threadbare) clothes and basic toiletries.

◉ While there were previously also NPC occupants of the safehouse, natives to New Amsterdam, these people have now been moved on to somewhere safer. A few of their belongings remain, discarded or accidentally abandoned.

◉ Gaby will make it clear to all new arrivals that if they have any requests or queries, they should contact her or El.

◉ There will be shifts when Gaby isn't present in the safehouse because she's shorthanded following the UNA attacks in our January event. New characters will find that if they try to open the hatch to leave during this time, it'll be sealed shut for anyone without a registered implant.

◉ The drugs making new characters compliant will remain in their systems for a few hours after their arrival at the safehouse before finally beginning to fade. They will be gone entirely after a night's rest. In the meantime, they may want to be careful of what others say to them.

◉ New characters will be given rudimentary access to the network on arrival in the safehouse, but will not have their ID set up yet. They will be able to make posts and replies, but their messages will be anonymous and they do not have inboxes yet.

◉ New characters will not be allowed to leave the safehouse until OCTOBER 9. These 4 days are for them to adjust, learn about the world they've arrived in from their fellows, and for El to speak with them and work on setting up their IDs.

> WHAT DREAMS MAY COME

As everyone goes to sleep, a familiar stomp vibrates through New Tokyo on the other side of the world. The wall outside of the city is stable at first, holding up, but the vibrations continue. The creature this time is twice as large as the one that hit New Amsterdam – 800m high, yet not seen until right around when the vibrations began. It should have been, by all rights: New Tokyo is no less secure than the other cities around the world, with constant surveillance and a dedication toward maintaining an idyllic life for its citizens. Its behavior is similar: it slams its tail against the outer wall of the city before it gives way, the destruction nearly absolute. In a panic, New Tokyo's UNA forces and police force move into action to try to bring down the monster and protect its citizens.

At the same time, whether they're still awake or already asleep, something stirs inside of the displaced. Their chests will glow without anything to bring it about – no power drawn on, either innate or new, and no skin touching. This glow seems to fatigue any of them if they're still awake, and will send anyone already asleep into a deeper one. Once they're under, the stirring within will give way to unrest that foments dreams and visions for many of the displaced. If they had a dream while they slept, characters will wake up with a burning sensation in their chest.

As for New Tokyo: it will be left in ruins by the time the UNA soldiers there manage to take down the monster. Several sections of the city remain intact – almost out of luck – and the governor of New Tokyo reports that they believe this monster came from outside of the city, having been given life by the unsafe conditions outside of the megacity. Within a few hours, this statement will be revised, with the governor admitting that he doesn't know what the monster was or where it came from, only that their surveillance saw that it came from outside.

The three dreams below are what each character will experience, though you can feel free to assume they managed to jar themselves awake before the dream finished. To get a dream, please comment below to get an RNGed number for the dream that they'll be having. Since these are unnatural dreams, you can feel free to have your character remember it in its entirety – or not, if that's what you'd prefer.

If you have multiple characters, we suggest you only have one experience a dream, but it's ultimately up to you!

> DREAM 001

A blue glow illuminates the site – offering light on a foggy morning, with everyone having completed their journey to this final destination. A sense of fatigue and relief that washes over everyone there, but also an inner warmth that seems to radiate from the site itself. Huge rocks rise up on either side of the site, acting as shielding barriers for these followers and what lies ahead of them. Despite the lack of natural light cast through the thick fog, there's still a distant glow, leading them forward.

You find yourself among these people, well aware of the many miles you walked to get here, most of it on an incline. Around you, the clothes that people wear are worn, tattered, made from wool that's begun to wear down. How long have you all been traveling? It's hard to say – hard to guess, only that you know that you were all drawn here. No single story is the same. Some saw symbols: triangles that glowed when they saw them in the periphery, as well as bits of circles coming together. The tree of life. Perfect like nature in its finest form. Others could never put the words to what they experienced.

Each of you feel the draw now. It resonates within you, fills you up. Just ahead, there are structures that seem to float in space, and when you draw closer, a clear, light blue bridge appears. The walk forward requires a leap of faith – and there are some unwilling to take it. Afraid. They wonder if they've wasted their time.

But you haven't. You walk forward, and the bridge carries you forward. You can't tell if you're walking or literally carried, but eventually you come to an alcove where a strange circular structure stands. As you step closer, it comes to life, a mixture of lights and – no, not sounds. But the same resonating warmth.

You walk into it and –

– you find yourself somewhere else. Somewhere new.

> DREAM 002

– this is not where you belong where you've chosen to live – this is not it this is not it this is not it –

Your fingers spread, wrapping around the nearest metal instrument to drag it close. You test the edge against your skin, drawing out a sharp pain. You never asked for this particular experience. But every day, you feel it.

It's time to take back what you can. The walls around you are white, pristine. Somehow, you know that they weren't a day ago. One of the others you know got sick, doubled over after a bad interaction with a medication. You see them now, dark rings under their eyes, a shaved head. How do you know this? Your mind doesn't answer you. You just react. Someone in a coat as white as the room draws closer. Checking your vital signs. Your breathing picks up – your lungs hurt. You lash out with the instrument, cutting deep. A bright red spreads. A sick smile creeps over your lips. You know that color, deep within you. You know it.

And then there's nothing.

And then life moves on (your life moves on). Has time passed? The room is different. The person with the red splotch of color on their lab coat is gone, and your build is different. More gangly, uncontrolled. Deep down, you feel an unabiding frustration. You hear a shout: "Put them down!" It's too late. A fire erupts. The doors seal.

> DREAM 003

You recognize the walls. The building. But there's some barrier between you and it, a constant, subdued fog that lies between you and your surroundings. The lights are bright. Everyone moves in a single file, dressed in the same white scrubs. You're among them. The workers walk alongside you, occasionally checking your vital signs. Sometimes they make you grab each other's hands, noting the shift in reactions or responses.

The air here is cool. Stale. Your head is cold, recently shaven. Like everyone else, sans a few. It looks like it's been a while since they had a haircut. You don't recognize them, not like the others. You're certain that you recognize the others.

Thought is difficult to process. There's an IV into your arm. You try to make out more of your surroundings, but the fog encroaches and takes over. You're missing your chance. Your chance to know where you are – were? Who did this to you?

Distantly, you see a marking on a wall. Letters. P - R - O - PROJECT. You're certain of it. What else is there? Nothing. No. Something, but not another word. It's a symbol of some kind, or – an animal? There's a splotch of yellow, bright and prominent on its breast, with a dark V that cuts down. The fog obscures the rest.

> FINAL OOC NOTES

This arrival log is a little different, as it doubles as a prologue for our monthly event! Everyone's character can have one of the dreams, and it'll hit them anytime within a day of the attack on New Tokyo. This does include anyone new to the game! So, please go ahead and comment below to have your dreaming character assigned a number. All assignments will be random on our part!

Welcome to Meadowlark, newbies! You're now free to post to the network and logs comms. To reiterate, your characters will have no IDs or inboxes, nor be allowed out of the safehouse until OCTOBER 9 (MARCH 17). At that point it's expected they'll have gotten a good idea of their new situation from their fellow characters, and will have discussed their background and job potentials with El in order for their false IDs to be set up.

All arrival logs act as mingles, so older players can please feel free to top level for the festivities described!

If you have any questions or ideas about how you'd like to get your character involved in the world, please head over to the plot engagement post and drop us a comment! For questions specific to this log, there is a thread below.

Please check out our March calendar rundown for a look at things happening this month, as well as some additional notes from the mods.

As a reminder, AC for new characters accepted in March will be 10 comments across 2-4 threads, while current characters will need to provide the full AC of 20 comments across 2-4 threads. AC will be posted on April 1 and close on April 7. If you do not reply to AC, you will be considered idled and dropped from the game. We will not post a warning list.

> NAVIGATION

Flat | Top-Level Comments Only

[ panicking gets you nowhere, but in dutch's experience, that's rarely stopped anyone from panicking. the kind of people who panic are not the kind of people who make a cost-benefit analysis beforehand about whether it's useful to panic or not.

still, she's glad he's not one of the panicky types. ]

Whiskey's good in general. [ close enough to some variants of hokk she knows. ] And port. But they're really focusing on beer with this one.

[ she lifts her glass to indicate the point, stepping a little closer. to anyone else, it might look flirtatious —and who's to say that it isn't?— but her next words are matter-of-factly: ] You got here on a bus, didn't you? Nurses, straps, the whole abduction deluxe treatment.

[ he understands panic. cassian understands a lot about how humans are supposed to work, and there are plenty of reasons someone might be unable to swallow down that urgency when thrown into something like this. a fortunate side effect of his life prior is he's better prepared for it. ] There does not seem to be lack of variety in the beer, no.

[ there isn't any real reaction when she steps in closer, especially once she offers up her next piece, because it means she might be able to tell him more. she can flirt away if it gets him more information; he tries to relax his posture more. ]

The only thing missing was pillows during the nap over. [ so that's a yes. ] There were quite a few of us. Very high class kidnapping, and apparently not a surprise to you.

The travel agency that organised your trip runs a pretty regular service to this city.

[ his posture is more relaxed than she'd expect from one of the newly arrived, more than her own was when she'd arrived. less anger, but similar amounts of sass. dutch can appreciate that. ]

You might want an actual drink to make the welcome spiel go down smoother. Though I hear someone's working on a brochure.

[ not helpful, probably, but they're still very in public, even if people around them are too drunk to care about listening in on their conversation. ]

Presumably with no return service? [ they dumped him and left. he already knows the van isn't coming back, but there could be some other means even if he doubts it. he's starting at point zero, he has no building blocks except these people like beer. ]

[ he can adjust his body language on a whim and it's truly one of the most useful skills. he is not relaxed in reality, he never is, but at least he can appear so. ]

[ he does not want a drink. his grasp on himself already feels tenuous thanks to whatever sedatives they'd given him, but he won't immediately brush the offer away this time. joking as it is, a brochure implies it's indeed a very common occurrence. ] Well it is not hard to find one right now. Is it always this convenient?

[ what kind of situations do people get abandoned to, is what he's getting at. ]

How did you know? [ promptly, drolly. no, there's no return service. of course there's not. for a moment, dutch's lips press together, a hint of the anger at her own abduction, the experimentation, the drugs rushing back. new amsterdam isn't bad, if you ask her. as far as cities go, it's a lot nicer than some she's seen. no slavery, no badlands that dutch has seen yet, though those probably exist, no black rain as far as she can tell.

no hullen, either. it could be a nice enough place to put down roots, if she were the kind of person to do that. if she didn't have a war to fight. ]

They like big events. I was dropped at an underground rave, there was some nerd event two weeks ago, now there's you at a beer festival.

[ "oktoberfest", whatever that means. ]

[ abruptly, he thinks she might have been a drop off like him, from the peek of that anger she lets slip through. and it's confirmed for him soon after that she did indeed arrive in the same way. he lets himself frown a little, like he's mulling it all over. ]

Perhaps they think it causes less of a scene. [ suddenly he's glad for a beer festival. raves are... not his favorite. he doesn't like to be touched, and the dancing is too up close and personal. ]

[ but she looks far more settled than him, clothes less clinical, and she is familiar enough with the situation. it suggests some level of residency beyond a week or two. ] How long ago was your rave?

Eight weeks ago.

[ her hair is longer than his, longer now than it was when she was dropped off, but it's still a far cry from the length it used to have. she didn't lose any powers but gained one. she's got a job and her best friend's here as well. for all intents and purposes, dutch is settled.

(she's not.) ]

Fancy another trip? There's a safehouse nearby.

[ eight weeks. two months. whatever happened to him has been going on to others for at least that long, it makes him think of an experiment. ] Were there others before you?

[ he doesn't want to take any other trips, not until he gets more of his bearings. but a safehouse implies a system of sorts in place, given the sudden arrival abductees is often enough. he's not sure a party is going to help more in the long run than some sort of solid home base. ] Is it actually safe? I do not even know what planet I am on.

[ if it's an experiment, it's a social one on a huge scale. dutch can't exclude the possibility. ]

Yeah.

[ a shrug. she moves a little closer still, comfortable invading his personal space, tipping her head back a little to angle her face toward his. she's very carefully not touching him, though, avoiding anything that could lead to skin contact. ]

Earth. Which, I never even heard of the place before the rave, but most people are from here, apparently. Different times, different versions.

[ whatever. ] Safer than it is to talk about this out here.

[ he still does not react, continuing his very casual air. cassian may not like people in his personal space, but he's always capable of pushing that aside. she isn't touching him though, and he wonders if that's on purpose. ]

I cannot say I have heard of it either. [ earth?? he's heard of earth, like, the element, of the earth beneath your feet, but naming a whole planet after the ground just sounds dumb. ]

[ different times and different versions is not something he is going to forget, and he would ask her more now, but then she uses the word safer. his voice drops, low enough for only this woman to hear it. ] What makes it so dangerous out here?

[ he wants to find a place to recoup, but what if she's lying? she doesn't seem to be, but he knows better than anyone about liars. ]

[ it's very much on purpose. ]

Couple things.

[ at least he's good at getting with the programme. low voice, keeping quiet, not backing away. dutch doesn't expect him to trust her, but she's here now and she's talking. she's gonna see this through, even if she thinks others (like johnny) would be far better suited to playing welcoming committee. ]

First of all, skin on skin contact between any of us makes us glow. It's fucking distracting and people have been noticing and I don't want to end up being experimented on again. Second, you've got no ID. Everyone here's got one, so the lack of it is noticeable as shit. Third, we've got weird ass powers, thanks to whatever was being done to us [ at least she figures that's where they got them. ] and those kick in at weird times. And come with more glowing.

So, we stand out, if we're not careful.

[ yeah, she wouldn't believe herself if she heard that, but —he asked. ]

I can prove it, if you want, but not while we're as visible as this.

[ it's easy to follow suit. it's the kind of thing he does (did?) all the time with contacts, with people he wanted to pull out information from. the fact that this woman started it herself, given the trajectory of their conversation, probably means she knows what she's doing too. ]

[ he does not trust her, but trust is not something cassian gives out often, if at all. it doesn't mean he won't listen to what she has to say and go from there. ]

[ however unbelievable sounding it all turns out to be. ]

That is the kind of story that does best when proven, yes. [ if she isn't lying, then it's smart to carry this on in a less public eye. his attire isn't exactly made for blending in either. he leans in a little more himself. ] I do want you to prove it. You will forgive me if I would rather not travel far until you do.

[ but he is definitely amenable to going somewhere less visible. that is literally always a plus. ]

Thought you might say that.

[ she wouldn't have offered to prove it if she wasn't willing to do it —although he might not like how she's going to go about proving it. she curls her fingers in the material of his shirt for a moment, tugging. a flirtatious woman dragging a man toward a more private spot. not the sort of thing that raises any eyebrows.

of course, she uncurls her fingers quickly enough, too, and decidedly doesn't take his hand or kiss him while she moves toward a spot between two food stands, not entirely hidden but decidedly more private, shielded from prying eyes. ]

[ it's a good thing he's read the scene and picks up on what she's going to do about two seconds before she reaches for his shirt. he lets her tug at him instead of shoving her off, recognizing that she's moving them out of the more public eye, just like he'd asked. ]

[ it works, honestly. he's conducted shadier business in less enclosed spaces, and most of the people he's encountered so far are all drunk. no one is going to look in this little corner and be suspicious. she knows what she's doing, but he'll analyze that more later, once they get passed this whole glowing thing. ]

If you are planning on touching me to prove it, I much prefer we stick to handholding for now. I do not even know your name yet. [ he hasn't missed the careful way she's avoided any direct contact, that combined with the mention of skin-to-skin being a trigger - it doesn't make it hard to figure out where she might be going with this. ]

It's Dutch. [ her lips quirk, briefly. then her shoulders lift. ] Yalena Yardeen, on the network. [ they'd asked her for a first and a last name. she'd thought of her mother/grandmother, the first yalena yardeen, the woman aneela had named her after. the name yalena yardeen carried so many terrible memories for so many years.

now, she's not sure what it means anymore. cassian doesn't need to know any of that. ]

What's yours?

[ she unwinds her fingers from his shirt one by one, patting it down briefly before holding out her hand for him to take. ] I'm almost insulted. [ he's good-looking, but he's also pretty damn unresponsive, so dutch wouldn't have kissed him, if that was his worry. ]

[ dutch could be a nickname or a chosen name against the whole name network bit, but it already tells him he'll likely need to decide what to use for himself; if she prefers dutch but still needed a first and last name, so will he. ]

Cassian. [ there doesn't seem to be a reason to give a fake name right now, and he doesn't have to share much else yet. he offers the tiniest amused smile when she says she's almost insulted, but it's not necessarily a real one so much as still in tune with their fake ambiance. ] There is always next time.

[ there's a moment of hesitation, like he doesn't want to deal with whatever the results of this are, before he reaches out and takes her hand. the skin contact does exactly what she said it would - the blue light starting to glow faintly from their chests, and cassian has to grit his teeth to stave off the surprise of it. ]

Next time it is. [ careful what you promise this one, cassian.

he reaches out and takes her hand and dutch curls her fingers around his and holds on. she won't let him draw his hand back, not immediately —the blue glow from their chests should be proof enough, but a moment later, the empathy bond kicks in as well.

he'll get a sense that she's not insulted at all. of anger and determination under the surface, of amusement and annoyance. of something sharp and watchful. she doesn't mind sharing this much. some days, she's glad she's got anything left in her to share at all, that khlyen didn't succeed in killing all her emotions.

she'll never feel like the jaqobis brothers. she'll never wear her heart on her sleeve and follow where it leads. —but she can still feel. she can still care. khlyen didn't take that from her. the hullen didn't take that from her. not even the lady managed. she's still here.

cassian'll get a sense of satisfaction, too, not directed at him at all. and then dutch lets go. ]

Believe me now?

[ watch him constantly dodge promises, he's very good at that. ]

[ oh. he does not like this at all. not because it isn't useful - he can only imagine how easy it would be to draw out information if he could feel what people were experiencing inside instead of just assuming. but he can only assume now it goes both ways. ]

[ and right now all cassian is feeling is the disbelief that this is happened, walled up behind a very defensive curiosity. there's a very faint sense of urgency, which is almost a near constant, but it's a bit stronger in this moment given he's been abandoned at a beer festival on a planet he's never heard of. it's just... capped off. most of what he's feeling is stunted, like he is pushing it all down. ]

[ when she lets go, cassian pulls his hand immediately back into his own space, even if there is still very little of it left between them. his jaw is tight, though the rest of his expression still keeps that flirty, easy way should anyone be watching. ]

It would be stupid of me to deny what I just saw. [ focus on the physical part, yeah, that's easier!! ] And everyone who arrived the same way has this?

[ too good, and she'll punch him for it sooner rather than later —it's the killjoy way of settling differences, or maybe it's just the dutch way. she's never much cared one way or another.

she does care, to some extent, about the sense she gets from him. the walls, the stuntedness. the way everything feels far away. it's the kind of thing she imagines would have made khlyen proud, the kind of distance he'd tried to instil in her. the kind of distance she refuses to maintain. that she's been refusing to maintain ever since she ran away from him.

part of her is reminded of sabine's words. why do you think khlyen trained you like that? not how to kill. how not to care. shut your heart down, scar by scar, and made you afraid to trust or love anyone, even him. all so you'd have a better chance of surviving the six transition intact. deep inside, most of you is already dead. it's a memory that makes her glad she's no longer touching cassian, even if she's still standing close to him, well into his space, even if his expression is still vaguely flirtatious.

he doesn't feel any of what shows on his face. she knows that now. (she doesn't blame him or feel betrayed. she doesn't care enough for that about a stranger she's only just met, but she's also showing only part of what she feels to the world, has been putting on a show for a while now for anyone who might be watching. she couldn't blame him even if she cared.) ]

Every damn one of us. No clue why.

[ she's still talking to him so it seems like she isn't bothered by how much he might have been hiding, so he'll just keep going. her emotions make sense, against what she's shown him on the upfront. he doesn't want to think about what she might have felt from him, and cassian so rarely analyzes what his own emotions are doing that he can't even be sure of what she might have gleaned. he was so focused on the situation now, in getting any information he could out of it, that as always, he shoved aside what was going on in his head. ]

[ it's vague panic now at somehow being seen, so he's extra glad they're no longer touching. fortunately it'll only be a little bit before he gets that under control too, making a mental note to avoid any real physical contact with anyone else here, at least for a while, at least until he gets a better sense of how this empathy thing works. ]

[ cassian never shows what he feels, or he would have died long before the beach at scarif. ]

I can see why we would want to keep it more of a secret. How many of us are there?

[ what he was feeling or wasn't feeling is familiar to dutch in some ways. it's not the kind of thing she wants, but it's something she understands. she can't be sure how much of what she's reading into his shuttered emptiness is coloured by her own experiences, by khlyen and sixes and the hullen, how much of it is real.

she's not thinking about that right now, anyway. she won't. ]

You think I counted?

[ she did, actually, but that doesn't mean that she actually knows for sure. some people might not have said anything on the network. some people might no longer be here. it's not an exact science. it's like memorising the blueprints of a building someone keeps renovating constantly. ]

[ it's how cassian got through most days. if he didn't deal with his Emotions, he could carry on to the next task, the next mission. it doesn't even occur to him that she might be familiar with it, because while he is quite good at reading others, he's really bad at it when it comes to be related to himself. but she isn't questioning him, so he's not about to overthink that either. there are more pressing matters! ]

[ he is a creature of emotion crushing habit. ]

I think you are at least a little bit aware, given you have already offered up a safehouse.

[ and a safehouse would be accessible to more people like them, dumped off via van with glowing blue chests. maybe it's not exact numbers, but if she's been here for a few transports, she probably has a vague idea if she knows the routine. the more people he talks to in this boat, the broader picture he gets. ]

So demanding. [ dutch drawls the worlds out slowly, lifting a hand to pat his chest again like she's smoothing down another fold in his shirt left by her fingers. in truth, she's doing it half to keep up appearances and half to— annoy him a little, honestly.

that's what he gets for telling her he'd rather hold her hand than anything else.

(she doesn't expect it to actually work. if he's suppressing his emotions like that, annoyance probably won't creep up. he won't let it make him uncomfortable. that's both comforting and annoying, in its own way. it's also not the sort of thing dutch will linger on.) ]

Fifty-ish. Less than seventy, more than thirty.

[ a beat. ]

Feeling warmer about the safehouse now?

[ if they didn't just glow the last time they touched, cassian would scoop up her hand to prove! just how little! this is affecting him! truthfully it doesn't annoy him too much, or if it does at all, it's such a minor feeling that it doesn't even register. his own comfort was always one of the first things pushed aside. ]

[ he doesn't have time to feel anything about it, not when she's giving him some kind of number. it's a significant amount of people, almost an alarming number. he tilts his head to the side with a grin, the last of his honest surprise reaction dissipating from his jaw. ]

It is much more appealing than sleeping on the streets. How far is it from here?

[ probably a good thing that he doesn't, even if it means depriving dutch of the opportunity to make some quip about how much he seems to like holding her hand.

(her own comfort is the first thing khlyen stripped from her, the first thing he taught her to ignore. there used to be a time when killing was a discomfort, when it would make her cry, sob, beg and plead. she's no longer the child she had been when khlyen made her kill for the first time.

killing and torture still discomfort her, but it's the kind of thing she's learned to ignore. he didn't train you to be weak when it counts.) ]

Ten minutes walking, if you can keep up.

[ fifteen at a more leisurely pace. there's a challenge in those words, but also a question. she'd been dehydrated and drugged up to the gills when she'd first arrived. who knows how he's faring? ]

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