all this time

[lighthearted]

WHO: Sora, Soldier: 76, and various
WHERE: All over New Amsterdam
WHEN: Early December
WHAT: Moving in, cheering up, etc!
NOTES OR WARNINGS: Will add if needed.

[ Pre-discussed starters in the comments below! If you would also like to plot something, feel free to PM me. ]

Comments

[lighthearted]

[ Time spent with Nill is always silent on Sora's end, given that she can't talk. He doesn't mind it so much most of the time, as they've got other ways to communicate. Not just the implants, but looks they exchange, smiles or frowns, and gestures. Right now, Sora can tell just from the stiffness in Nill's shoulders and the way she's walking that she's going through a lot. And for once, he actually feels that silence.

It's tempting to reach out and grab her shoulder right then and there, to use his power to take some of that hurt away from her, but Sora knows that he should wait. She needs to say her piece, first.

What he's not expecting is for the first thing that Nill says about Heine to be... that. He stops in his tracks for a moment, hands lifting up near his chest in surprise, but he's also not sure that Nill is wrong. The only time he interacted with Heine, he'd kind of been like that.

Nill clarifies that Heine had been a good person in spite of that, and Sora's arms slowly lower as he moves to catch up with her. ]

I guess in the end, it's those kinds of actions that matter the most. [ To an extent, Axel could be kind of like that too. He might act like he didn't care or was above everything, and he could even be a jerk at times, but when it came down to it he'd pulled through time and time again. ] So... did he help you with something?

[ He glances over at Nill, unable to hide his curiosity. There had to be something to all this, and he only hopes he isn't pushing too hard. She doesn't have to answer him. ]

[culver]

[Very belatedly, she realizes that this probably isn't how people talk about those they care about. But she doesn't think Heine would disagree with her if knew what she'd said; in fact, he'd probably just shrug, which was as close to affirmation as he got on a lot of things. That thought makes one corner of her mouth tug upwards, almost in a smile, before she notices Sora has fallen behind. She slows just enough for him to match her stride again, and the continues towards--well, wherever they're going.

She doesn't answer his question immediately. Nobody has ever outright asked her why she was friends with Heine. She's always assumed people either didn't care to ask or were a little afraid to know the answer. Sora's leading question is the closest anyone has ever come.

Nill tilts her head back briefly to look up at the sky before dropping her gaze towards the street again.]

Heine saved me from a... bad place when I was a kid.

[Some people might say she's still a kid now, but honestly, it feels like all of that had happened so long ago. But now the dam has burst, and she just lets the story go. She trusts Sora to know--at least, a heavily edited version of it. She doesn't care to give the details, not tonight. Maybe someday, though. This is a step she knows she can't take back, but that doesn't scare her as much as she thought it might.]

He didn't have to. He could have kept on walking, and nobody would have thought twice about it. But he did help me. I'm alive because of him. He gave me the chance to have a life.

[Nill pushes her hands into her pockets as she sends the messages. It's more than she's ever told anyone except Laura, and that had taken over a year of cautious friendship to reveal. But it's... easier with Sora. A lot of things feel easier with Sora. Maybe it's because she's grown up, maybe it's because she's simply too emotionally exhausted to worry about hiding the worst part of herself. Either way, it does feel good to tell someone at least a little of her truth, even if she doesn't get into specifics. She doesn't think anyone would be ready to hear how many people Heine has killed in her defense, or why those people were after her in the first place. Riku, she thinks, knows at least a little of that part, but she isn't about to shed light on it for a while.]

[lighthearted]

[ On one hand, it might not be the way that most people talk about their friends. On the other hand, isn't that the kind of thing you can only say about a real friend? Sora's surprise had mainly stemmed from the fact that it was Nill saying it.

He doesn't know where they're heading either, but it also doesn't matter. What's important is that they've put some distance between themselves and the apartment, and the walk gives Nill space to get her thoughts in order. The fact that she's revealing any of this to him in the first place is a big show of trust, he can tell, and so he'll take every word to heart.

Heine had saved her life. That's a huge act, something that had altered Nill's trajectory to something better. It's no wonder that she feels so close to him, and that his disappearance would hit so hard. It makes Sora wish that he could have gotten the chance to know Heine a little better, to get to see what was hidden underneath the layers of attitude. ]

Well... [ Sora's pace slows a little, but when he glances over at Nill, it's with a warm smile. ] I guess I owe him a lot, then. If it weren't for him, we never would have met.

[ And that's something to be grateful for, from Sora's perspective.

They round a corner and Sora spots a small park a short distance ahead of them. It has trees and a few benches, adding a little bit of a green to the otherwise urban setting. He points it out, looking to Nill to judge her reaction. ]

Did you want to go sit down?

[culver]

[The distance is certainly helping; her heart still aches, but not being surrounded by everything that reminds her of Heine, she's able to bear it. And being with Sora, whose presence has always put her at ease, makes the burden feel just a little lighter.

When he adjusts his pace, she follows suit. But she doesn't expect him to say that, and before she can really think about it, she's smiling back at him. But after a split second, she looks down towards the concrete as reality crashes into her again. That doesn't make her smile any less real, but it does make it a little hard to maintain.]

Yeah. I mean, I'm glad I met you too.

[She isn't sure if anyone besides her has ever felt as if they owed Heine anything, but it's... nice to hear from someone else for a change. She glances up when he points out the bench, and seeing all the greenery and the little secluded area makes her chest feel a little lighter. So she nods, adjusting her course towards the park.]

I'd like that.

[lighthearted]

[ There's no way of knowing what's happened to Heine now that he's gone, but they can hope that he ended up back home, and that Nill will eventually be able to join him back there. Sora isn't going to say any of that because he knows it would sound empty when they can't be sure of it, but maybe he can share the sentiment another way.

So when they reach the park, he gestures to a bench where they can take a seat. While there aren't any animals to watch or even any children playing (in fact, they're most likely the two youngest people in the small park), they can at least admire the trees and grass.

After sitting there in more comfortable silence for a short while, Sora turns himself toward Nill and holds his hand out to her palm-up. ]

Here. Maybe I can help.

[ If she'll let him. ]

[culver]

[Being in this place, full of plants and life, eases something in her that she hadn't really known was tense. She settles on the bench, wings relaxing against her back a little. Things still haven't really come into perspective for her yet, but this is a step in the right direction.

Sora extends his hand, and she remembers their conversation--about how she said she'd call him if she was feeling sad, so he could practice his power. Then, it had seemed easy; she hadn't been sad. But now that she is, now that he's offering, it doesn't seem so easy.

Or maybe it is.

She trusts Sora, doesn't she? She knows he's offering this because he's a good person. And it might be nice, just for a little while, to not feel the way she does right now. So after only a split second of hesitation, she nods, reaching out to place her hand in his. Even though she tries to hold back, the empathy bond lays bare just how deeply losing Heine has cut her.]

Okay.

[lighthearted]

[ This would hardly be Sora's first time being overwhelmed by what comes across the empathy bond, but he's not sure that he's activated it with someone who had this much distress lurking beneath the surface. It's a little like being punched in the chest, except that it's a whole lot of grief hitting him instead of a fist.

He breathes out through his nose. Feeling that pain is what will allow him to effectively use his power, and so he doesn't dwell on it long. His chest emits a blue light as he activates his ability, and soon enough the empathy bond is overwritten with that power. Nill will feel a wave of calm wash over her. Everything that was upsetting her won't seem so difficult to face all of a sudden, and while the pain won't fade permanently, it will feel a little easier to handle.

For at least a short time, she'll be able to breathe easy. Sora can only hope that she'll take that feeling and hold onto it, that she'll let it buoy her as she presses forward. ]

[culver]

[Her eyes dip to the glow at his chest for just a moment before she brings them back up to his face. She can't help it--she's nervous. She doesn't know what this is going to feel like, or if it will even help. Sora has told her what his power is, but she simply can't imagine how it works.

Calmness rolls over her like a wave, and she can't help but suck in a startled breath, eyes widening, lips staying parted for a few moments as she reels from this new feeling--or is it a lack of feeling? In the moment, she isn't sure. Everything seems so much... lighter than it did just a moment ago. The fog of grief she's barely managed to hold back all day retreats just enough for her mind to clear, and she realizes that she's grateful that Sora offered to share his power with her. But she also realizes that just because her feelings are suppressed, or hidden, or whatever it is he's doing, doesn't mean they'll go away.

And she finds that she's alright with that. She remembers someone on the ship telling her once that grief is natural. If she let Sora try to take away all the hurt, she feels like it might actually get worse.

Nill slowly lets her fingers close over his, squeezing once and managing to smile.]

Thank you, Sora.

[It's harder than she'd thought it would be to break the contact, but she doesn't know how much this takes out of him, and she isn't keen on letting him feel what she's feeling for too long. So she gently takes her hand from his, settling it in her lap along with the other.]

That's an amazing power. I do feel better.

[lighthearted]

[ Sora also doesn't think that completely removing someone's pain would be a good thing. The pain they endure in their lives, the hurt that they suffer through, it's part of who they are. To remove all of that would turn them into a different person, wouldn't it?

When Nill squeezes his hand, he squeezes back, but he makes no attempt to hold onto her when she pulls away. This is all about her level of comfort, and when she decides that she's had enough, that's fine.

It's the smile she musters up for him that makes him feel as if he did his part, and he nods. ]

No problem. Any time you need a little boost like that, you know where to find me. And... when things get rough, just try to remember how it felt.

[ He pauses there, glancing down at his lap. He may have helped, but it all feels so temporary. He knows this isn't a real solution; it's more like slapping a bandage over a wound, rather than healing it.

At first he glances out across the park as he speaks. ] If there's anything I can do to help you get back to him... [ Then he looks back to Nill, setting a hand over his chest which has already lost the blue glow. ] Know that I'll do it.

[culver]

I will.

[Nill has met very few people in her life she would call selfless, but Sora quickly and easily become one of them. Every time they've spent time together, he's surprised her with his willingness to give, to help. It softens a part of her heart that she'd hardened a long time ago, and she's glad for it. Over the years she's been slow to let herself see the good parts of the world, but Sora makes it less difficult just by being himself.

She bites her bottom lip when she hears his vow, a facial tic she's picked up over the years. Her eyes drop to her lap, mostly so he can't see how glassy they've suddenly become with tears she tries to blink away. He's so nice, and she's in such a rough spot emotionally right now that she can't check how she reacts to it. Eventually she gets a hold of herself, nodding though she still has her eyes glued to her lap.]

Thanks, Sora. I know you will.