thanks clarke (
strove) wrote in
meadowlarklogs2019-10-07 01:20 pm
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[open log] i don't care about the mess you made
WHO: Clarke Griffin, Riku, and Goro Akechi + anyone who wants to do some dreams or other stuff
WHERE: Dreams, New Amsterdam.
WHEN: Month of January IC!
WHAT: Dreams, memory shares, etc. General open log things.
NOTES OR WARNINGS: Mentions of suicide and suicidal ideation for Akechi and Clarke (respectively).
[Riku, Clarke, and Akechi couldn't be more different on the surface—but when it comes to dreams, to the control of the mind and the actions they take, the similarities come together. Oddly enough, each of them has some experience over this space. Riku, through being a Dreameater. Clarke, through Josephine taking over her body and through having to fight back against the sociopathic scientist. And Akechi through the metaverse, having to traverse it alone. That's not to say that they have special powers here: but control is something that will come more easily, as will lucidity.
Of course, thematically they're different:]
riku: mistakes of the past, worries of the present
[These days, Riku is more or less at peace with himself. Once, his dreams were mercurial and lacked control. They showed his worry about strength. Power. And at times, Darkness—the Darkness that reigned over his life, that acted as a threat. These days, that Darkness is as much a part of him as anything: trapped in his heart, a constant in motion. A part of who he is.
But there are themes and motifs that reoccur. Friends fading away. The danger of thinking too much, even if the thoughts don't string together. A friend slipping, falling into a wave of Darkness. More recently: images of his home falling apart, of New Amsterdam falling to the same ruin, crashed into by a wave of dangerous Darkness.
And of friends dying. Of not being able to do enough. Of the struggle of having to accept that they will do as they do, even if he can't do nothing. His hands always tied, forced to be idle, passive. Accepting that, too.
There is always a push for logic against even the most irrational of thoughts. Always.]
clarke: guilt, the lives she's taken, a peaceful interlude
[Many of Clarke's dreams take place separate from what would be her mindscape. Her dreams are of green: sprawling trees with a beautiful, forested canopy. A bright sun overhead, though sometimes there are two. But in the horizon, there may or may not be ruin: ruins of a city that managed to come together in the aftermath of an apocalypse, or ruins of a world, covered in dirt and sand, and strange creatures that burrow into the ground and can dig into someone's skin. She doesn't dream of those creatures, not often.
When she can, Clarke dreams of what could be: a life in this area of rich, fertile environment. A time with her daughter, her mother, her friends. Bellamy is there when he can be, but during times of strife, it seems she has a hard time facing him. (This Bellamy is older, with facial hair and a calmer expression. Like he knows to keep what he can inside.)
When there are people present, there is always a pressure. Of being boxed in, of being the one to find the solutions. Clarke always feels as if her answers are the wrong answers, and they show here. But there is no resentment toward the many, many people in her life: angry, making demands. Just an acceptance. Clarke doesn't feel as if they're wrong to ask so much of her. Besides, she put herself in that position to ask to make those decisions.
After all, she is a mother. A leader. But also: a tumor. A cancer. These days, Clarke doesn't let those thoughts creep up, but in dreams, who can say?]
akechi: wasted potential, what could have been
[Akechi doesn't dream of exact moments or of exact places: he dreams of the settings he likes, with drawn out, complicated scenarios where he's called upon to solve a problem. Solve any problem. Because he is someone who came into his power at an age when he was already embittered by the world, embroiled in hatred for everything around him. His mother committed suicide when he was young, and he was forced to be passed from home to home, a blemish upon his family and upon the world. An illegitimate child and a problem. Rather than choosing to overcome these notions, Akechi internalized them, took them to heart.
His dreams reflect this: colored often in blacks and reds, with Akechi moving alone, carrying every purpose that he believes that only he can accomplish. His dreams are a sign of how he deluded himself: believing that his long term plans would become something at some point.
He is extremely intelligent, and his dreams show it: with him trying to make logic out of nothing, out of the world around him. He seems to be at odds with it, caught between a sense of justice (inherently emotional) and a world out of order, one that's inevitably going to be that way no matter what.
If Akechi's gambit had paid off—if he had been aware that he was a part of a game with a gambit in motion—his view of the world would've taken hold. It would've fallen into disarray, granting control to a single deity because people are inherently messed up. At the heart of his dreams, this is a singular, notable truth. It's just one that's at odds with what Akechi really wants: to be praised, loved, and seen as less than a blemish and more that someone who can accomplish things. He just hasn't admitted as much to himself.]
ooc notes
[The general overview here is to give people an idea of what my characters' dreams would contain. This is an open log, and you can request a starter hitting on one of the notes above! I'll also be posting closed requested starters below. I'm also open to memory sharing or characters just catching up, though the former may need to come along organically (as none of my three know it's on the table).
If you'd like to discuss further, hit me up on plurk @ medieval or on discord at alison#8996.]
WHERE: Dreams, New Amsterdam.
WHEN: Month of January IC!
WHAT: Dreams, memory shares, etc. General open log things.
NOTES OR WARNINGS: Mentions of suicide and suicidal ideation for Akechi and Clarke (respectively).
Of course, thematically they're different:]
riku: mistakes of the past, worries of the present
[These days, Riku is more or less at peace with himself. Once, his dreams were mercurial and lacked control. They showed his worry about strength. Power. And at times, Darkness—the Darkness that reigned over his life, that acted as a threat. These days, that Darkness is as much a part of him as anything: trapped in his heart, a constant in motion. A part of who he is.
But there are themes and motifs that reoccur. Friends fading away. The danger of thinking too much, even if the thoughts don't string together. A friend slipping, falling into a wave of Darkness. More recently: images of his home falling apart, of New Amsterdam falling to the same ruin, crashed into by a wave of dangerous Darkness.
And of friends dying. Of not being able to do enough. Of the struggle of having to accept that they will do as they do, even if he can't do nothing. His hands always tied, forced to be idle, passive. Accepting that, too.
There is always a push for logic against even the most irrational of thoughts. Always.]
clarke: guilt, the lives she's taken, a peaceful interlude
[Many of Clarke's dreams take place separate from what would be her mindscape. Her dreams are of green: sprawling trees with a beautiful, forested canopy. A bright sun overhead, though sometimes there are two. But in the horizon, there may or may not be ruin: ruins of a city that managed to come together in the aftermath of an apocalypse, or ruins of a world, covered in dirt and sand, and strange creatures that burrow into the ground and can dig into someone's skin. She doesn't dream of those creatures, not often.
When she can, Clarke dreams of what could be: a life in this area of rich, fertile environment. A time with her daughter, her mother, her friends. Bellamy is there when he can be, but during times of strife, it seems she has a hard time facing him. (This Bellamy is older, with facial hair and a calmer expression. Like he knows to keep what he can inside.)
When there are people present, there is always a pressure. Of being boxed in, of being the one to find the solutions. Clarke always feels as if her answers are the wrong answers, and they show here. But there is no resentment toward the many, many people in her life: angry, making demands. Just an acceptance. Clarke doesn't feel as if they're wrong to ask so much of her. Besides, she put herself in that position to ask to make those decisions.
After all, she is a mother. A leader. But also: a tumor. A cancer. These days, Clarke doesn't let those thoughts creep up, but in dreams, who can say?]
akechi: wasted potential, what could have been
[Akechi doesn't dream of exact moments or of exact places: he dreams of the settings he likes, with drawn out, complicated scenarios where he's called upon to solve a problem. Solve any problem. Because he is someone who came into his power at an age when he was already embittered by the world, embroiled in hatred for everything around him. His mother committed suicide when he was young, and he was forced to be passed from home to home, a blemish upon his family and upon the world. An illegitimate child and a problem. Rather than choosing to overcome these notions, Akechi internalized them, took them to heart.
His dreams reflect this: colored often in blacks and reds, with Akechi moving alone, carrying every purpose that he believes that only he can accomplish. His dreams are a sign of how he deluded himself: believing that his long term plans would become something at some point.
He is extremely intelligent, and his dreams show it: with him trying to make logic out of nothing, out of the world around him. He seems to be at odds with it, caught between a sense of justice (inherently emotional) and a world out of order, one that's inevitably going to be that way no matter what.
If Akechi's gambit had paid off—if he had been aware that he was a part of a game with a gambit in motion—his view of the world would've taken hold. It would've fallen into disarray, granting control to a single deity because people are inherently messed up. At the heart of his dreams, this is a singular, notable truth. It's just one that's at odds with what Akechi really wants: to be praised, loved, and seen as less than a blemish and more that someone who can accomplish things. He just hasn't admitted as much to himself.]
ooc notes
[The general overview here is to give people an idea of what my characters' dreams would contain. This is an open log, and you can request a starter hitting on one of the notes above! I'll also be posting closed requested starters below. I'm also open to memory sharing or characters just catching up, though the former may need to come along organically (as none of my three know it's on the table).
If you'd like to discuss further, hit me up on plurk @ medieval or on discord at alison#8996.]
no subject
That won't do.]
It's called Sanctum. Once, it was picked out as a part of a selection of planets that might prove to be inhabitable by humanity. Oh, and it's not a planet. It's a moon. [That may be a factor in a lot of things that are wrong with it.]
Now it's where the Primes trick their people into believing they're gods so they can prey upon them. It's not a good place.
no subject
Gods.
[ she makes a face, clarke knows her thoughts on people who think they are gods. ]
The Primes. Bit self-aggrandizing, but s'ppose if they think they're gods that would be their thing.
no subject
It doesn't matter here, but it might matter later. But no, the Primes aren't gods. They're just people like me. People with black blood to protect them from radiation.
no subject
Why do you keep trying to make me believe in them?
[ she'll get back to the primes in a second. ]
no subject
Only a god could probably suppress another being of that power. We're not going to have control over our futures if we can't accept that fact.
no subject
I don't need to accept seven higher powers-- [ yes, she read the post. ] --to look into what brought us here.
no subject
[Sanctum may seem like a peaceful world, but false gods and the power associated with them will be hard to overcome. Josephine may be done for, but who says there won't be other problems with Russell and the rest? Plus, the two suns, the way people behave beneath them ...
No, she'd much rather take her odds on the Earth they're on outside of these dreams.]
no subject
[ she sighs, tired of what seems like an endless parade of people wanting her to go along with something she doesn't believe in. it isn't endless, it isn't even very many people, but rey seems desperate for jyn to believe in people she doesn't even know, will never get a chance to know, at the expense of people she does know, that clarke trying to get her to believe in gods, however gently, only serves to pluck at already frayed nerves jyn has been trying to keep under wraps. ]
I can't, Clarke. I know you want me to and I wish I could do that for you, but I--
[ it took her 22 years and dying to find some faith in the force, she is too resistant to make her way to clarke's view on this. ]
I'd rather put my faith in people.
no subject
Why is it so hard to hear what I'm saying, rather than what you carried before? We have to change. [A beat. She shakes her head.] No, we have changed. And the sooner we understand that, the sooner we gain control over it for ourselves.
no subject
but knowing it and not doing it are two different things. she isn't good at talking, she never has been. with a sigh, jyn scrubs her hands over her face, hating that clarke nailed why she is struggling so much. it's everything she carried before, cut short from her closure by being shoved on this dirt planet. ]
I don't know! I don't... know. [ she had the end of her story, adjusting is still, obviously, a work in progress. ]
no subject
But that's how it's being referred to, so that's the language I have for it. For now.
no subject
she doesn't apologize, as a general rule, but there is a definite sheepishness to her posture, expression chagrined and she doesn't put much effort into keeping it from clarke. ]
Okay. [ a beat, softer: ] I was with you from the start anyway.
[ gods or higher powers or whatever they end up calling these resources weren't going to stop jyn from being on Team Clarke. ]
no subject
Clarke steps in closer, placing her hands on Jyn's shoulders. The thing is, her belief in this isn't just something that rises up from her sheer determination and need to do right by her people. It's something born of her experience as a Displaced: being friends with Loki, listening to those around her, and more. She needs to respect the truth of that for herself, even if it's not what anyone else has seen.]
That means a lot to me. It really does. I don't—I haven't always made the right choices, but this time, I'm really honestly sure that this is the way to do this. It just—it feels right, Jyn.
no subject
[ her eyes cut over clarke's shoulder to where madi is still inexpertly playing with her peers. she looks like a fast learner and jyn smiles reflexively, however small a smile it may be. clarke wants a place for her family and jyn understands that need to belong somewhere, safely. ]
I get it. [ she nods again, affirming. ] If it feels right, it feels right.
no subject
I'm happy to switch gears if things go wrong. I've got a knack for that. [For better or worse.]
no subject
[ it takes an adaptability to survive the way they have, the ability to reassess and change when need be instead of being so pigheaded and mulish that they push away any opinion that isn't their own. jyn and clarke have gotten there, some people haven't. ]
We'll figure it out. The gates, Northern America... Madi.
[ who knew a conversation atop a rubbish bin would lead to this. prompto would be proud of them. ]
no subject
She's not the only one, you know. My mom deserves a chance to rest. [Bellamy. Echo. Raven. All of them deserve a chance to have the peace that could've been promised to them if they had been able to live in the valley with her and Madi.]
All of my people do.
no subject
[ jyn isn't going to police.
unless krennic shows up with some batch of arrivals in which case everyone will get to watch jyn murder someone with her bare hands. krennic is barred. the same ban does not apply to clarke's people or daisy's people or anyone else who might want to stay and build a safe haven for their friends and family.
the only thing set in stone is that clarke has to be jyn's neighbor, that has been decided. ]
You're the first dream I've been in. [ hopefully the last, jyn was very uncomfortable having had daisy and illya reliving her nightmares. this is loads better but that doesn't mean she wants it to keep happening. ]
no subject
Of course, last time my subconscious decided to have a full conversation with one of my best friends wearing the face of someone I—someone I loved.
[This is better. Clarke prefers to feel as if she's in control.]
no subject
Daisy was in one of mine. At the end.
[ jyn can throw around allusions to her own untimely death with strangers but it was impossible with daisy and it feels the same with clarke. it's harder to admit to someone she cares about and who she knows cares about her so she avoids, deflects. ]
Not particularly a fan of all this. I don't like sharing, if you hadn't noticed.
[ she might not have because jyn does actually share things with clarke. ]
no subject
"Here" being outside of the dreams, of course.]
I guess I have an effect on you.
no subject
jyn has gone soft for a handful of people, letting snippets of her life out and feeling understood in turn. she hasn't been as discerning as she was in her former life, which had backfired the one time because jyn is ignorant to her own future, but aside from that fleeting lapse in judgment trusting her tiny group of friends hasn't been such a terrible experience. ]
I have a weakness for blondes.
[ liar, her physical type is set in stone. clarke hits all her emotional types to a t, however, and jyn knows it. somehow she always find the idealistic, rebellious types who wear grief and guilt like a bespoke jacket, leaders that can't be broken down no matter how hard the universe tries, desperate to find peace even if they think they themselves don't deserve it.
a massive animal stifles any more flippant lies that may cross jyn's lips, barreling past the playing children, fat and bald like an enormous baby, purple-grey skin glistening in the sunlight before it simply vanishes into a house as if it was running home for dinner. ]
A hippopotamus. [ she says it, eyes alight with wonder, like it is a foreign word. it is, frankly, she only recognizes it from her trips to the vr zoo. ] Sanctum has hippopotamus?
no subject
One moment, they were having a moment, even playfully flirting, and the next—this. Of course, maybe that's why playful flirting between friends can be dangerous. Maybe the hippo is a sign. Clarke doesn't think the hippo has to do with any of her consciousness, but she doesn't exactly have any way of knowing how much of Josephine Lightbourne has bled through at any point.
Or at all. It's a terrifying factor.]
I don't know. [It's not like she'd been there for long. On the other hand, a hippo? Hard to miss.]
I don't think so. The climate doesn't seem ... right? [But then, gorillas made it through the apocalypse somehow.
What does she know?]
no subject
Maybe they have hippopotamus in North America.
[ would that be a selling feature for anyone but jyn? probably not.
surprisingly unwilling to let the moment go, despite the enormous and beautiful interloper, jyn shifts to clarke's side, bumping her hip, same small smile still playing at her lips. it is a smile reserved for very few. ]
Will you introduce me to Madi?
no subject
They just aren't there yet.
Clarke doesn't confirm that Jyn can meet Madi. Instead, the reality of the dream ripples. The real Madi can't be here, but Clarke won't give Jyn the image of a young girl Clarke wishes for Madi to have been able to be. She gives her the reality, which is what Clarke recalls last: Madi sitting in meditation on one of the upper decks of the house where they're staying, eyes closed. Gaia is nowhere to be found, but that's probably because she's a complication.
As Clarke leads Jyn over, Madi's eyes open. They're bright and blue, if a little troubled.] Clarke, who is that? [she asks, shifting her attention to Jyn.
It feels weird, knowing that this Madi isn't real.]
This is my friend Jyn. Since you aren't really here, she wanted to have the chance to meet with you.
[Madi huffs out a sound.] This is close enough.
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