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[ Drake hasn't been able to interact with Carolina for all of this. He's been trapped outside some kind of light barrier, so even though he knew what was happening, that this was a dream again, he couldn't reach her and she couldn't hear him... until now. When Washington crumples to the floor Drake is suddenly able to pass through the barrier. Carolina is screaming, abandoning the gold-armored body and rushing to the grey and yellow, and the sound is so raw and pained that Drake aches for her even knowing this isn't real. None of this happened, right? It's just her nightmare. ]

Carolina! Carolina, it's not real.

[ He's trying to get to her quickly, but there are bodies everywhere. Seriously, this is corpse central, and he has to slow down to not trip over them. ]

[ she's already on her knees at wash's side by the time she registers drake at all, one hand cupping his neck - even in her dream, her brain supplies the warm sensation of blood saturating her glove - and the other high on his chestplate, trying to monitor his breathing by touch. the scene is all wrong and she knows it, knows this isn't how her test with santa had really gone, knows this isn't really how wash got injured.

knowledge doesn't make her chest hurt any less, doesn't make it any easier to breathe. ]

I thought he was still beside me.

[ for a moment, carolina looks up at drake, but she's dangerously close to tears and she drops her head again almost immediately, hunching protectively over her friend in the process. she doesn't want to feel this way, doesn't want this to feel so real, but it does.

considering what he's just witnessed, drake can probably guess that this moment, wash getting shot, isn't purely a fabrication. she's drawing this from somewhere. ]

I didn't even see him move.

[ Oh, is this... is this part something that actually happened? Something that Drake doesn't know about? His reassuring expression falters as he gets to her side, reaching out and gripping the very top of her arm where there's a gap in the shoulder joint of her armor and she can actually feel it. ]

Hey. Hey, it's okay, Wash is fine...

[ He just saw the guy, after all, walking and talking and pretty much the embodiment of disappointment so fine might be pushing it but. Physically. He doesn't have a scar where this shot would've been. Maybe he's from earlier?

The dream seems to fuzz around them, the other bodies fading as Carolina's focus narrows to Wash's bloodstained form. Drake takes a slow breath. ]

What happened, Carolina?

[ even with drake's touch, she can't pull herself together enough to look at him just yet, still curled around wash as much as the position could possibly allow. elsewhere in the dream's weird, distorted version of the temple on chorus, the other bodies disappear entirely, leaving battle damaged floors and pools of blood in their wake. epsilon's looping message ends last, his avatar flickering through colours as his words go first to static, then completely silent.

carolina forces herself to take a deep breath, shoulders shuddering with the initial effort. wash is fine, she repeats to herself and as much as she wants this dream to be over, for drake not to see any of this, forcing herself awake too abruptly is a surefire way to accidentally wake wash in the process. he gets so little sleep as it is; she has to calm herself down first. ]

It was a trap. I let us fall into some hurt, angry psychopath's trap and then I could barely even stand, I couldn't- [ her voice breaks and she needs a pause to pull herself together, finally sitting upright, albeit slowly, not really wanting to displace drake's hand. it's reassuring, she thinks.

another breath, trying again. ]

He wasn't thinking clearly and he walked right into the middle of the fight. He was sitting beside me one minute and then...

[ she doesn't finish the thought, but the context offers: 'and then this happened.' ]

[ Drake doesn't know what to say at first, because he knows how he'd deal with something like this happening if it were him. He'd blame himself to the end of the earth and back, but he knows that's not healthy and in all likelihood.... this was not Carolina's fault. She did the best she was capable of, but she won't want to hear that. She'll think she should have been capable of better. Drake knows this because he'd feel the same way. They have that in common, that need to protect their people.

He breathes, then tries to tug her to face him instead of the body lying on the ground in front of them. ]

Look at me. This here, now, isn't real. Okay? Wash is fine back in reality. You know that, don't let this take over.

[ with the little tug, carolina forces herself to straighten up, sitting back on her calves, awkward and clunky in her armour even in her dreams, but she's unbothered by it. she doesn't take her hands off wash though, not yet. ]

It's only as long as he's here. [ in new amsterdam, one of the displaced. there's still time between his last memories of retirement and being trapped by temple, but not nearly enough. not enough to find a way to change the outcome, at least.

carolina turns her head, finally sure enough that she's not going to cry that she can honour him with eye contact. it's a rare gift, from her. ]

I know that I should want us to find a way back to where we were supposed to be, but I don't, because if he keeps on that timeline, Wash won't be fine. [ she shakes her head, gaze dropping again. ] He's okay here, but I'm still... so afraid of this.

Edited 2020-04-05 04:44 (UTC)

[ Oh. Oh shit, this has happened for her? She's ahead in the timeline... Drake's familiar with those antics, but this is something he didn't know happens to them. His expression falls slightly, brow furrowing with worry. ]

You can tell me when you wake up. After you've checked on him. Okay?

[ under different circumstances, carolina may have interpreted drake as being patronizing here. but right now, as upset at she is, his words are blunt and clear enough that it gives her something to follow, a course of action. she likes action. ]

Okay.

[ she still doesn't sound quite right, not quite like herself, but she doesn't want to linger in this moment, closing her eyes tight and taking a few deep breaths, willing herself to calm the fuck down before she wakes her bedmate with her panicking.

the dream fades away in a fog and carolina manages not to startle too badly as she wakes herself up, needing another deep breath before she rolls over, making sure wash is still sleeping as soundly as possible before she presses closer, wrapping around him as much as his position will allow, close enough to feel his breathing as much as she hears it.

the reassurance that wash is okay eases some of her anxiety, only for that discomfort to immediately be replaced with how much she really wishes she hadn't been quite that emotional at drake. she shouldn't have said so much. a dream is one thing, something she can't change, but she'd been so wrapped up in it that she'd shared things she really wishes she hadn't.

drake had been kind about it, though, and he's been trustworthy so far, so carolina doesn't make him wait too long for a message: ]

Sorry you had to see that.

Hey. I'm sorry I was in your head, but neither of us could help it.

Do you need to talk?

I can't wait for the Displaced to collectively get our shit together enough to stop the dream broadcasting. Everything else, I can handle.

But I don't think there's much to talk about. It's hard to keep secrets from the people you care about. Even when you know that the truth isn't going to help them. Not a unique situation there I'm sure.

Yeah, it's invasive. And you can't avoid it by wearing long sleeves.

I think this is a little more unique on the part of what the secret is. He doesn't know, then?

Right.

No, he doesn't. His memories of our home universe end a couple of months before he gets hurt. It was in the middle of a very bad time for both of us. For our whole team.

Can I ask... you mean Epsilon?

This was after we lost Epsilon. Just about a year later, when our attempt at "retirement" was interrupted. Someone wanted revenge for something I'd done during Freelancer.

[ that's a recurring theme, apparently. ]

Seems like there sure are a lot of those someones. I'm sorry.

How are you dealing with keeping the secret, though? That's a right now problem for you.

Usually it's fine. He knows I'm from after he is. I've told him enough that he has some idea of what happens, between the two points, enough he doesn't ask. Not how bad things get.

My subconscious just likes to make a big deal out of it.

Playing subconscious' advocate here, I've gotta say this isn't a mountain out of a molehill, it's actually a mountain. You're allowed to have a hard time with it.

I shouldn't though. I should just be grateful that he's alright here.

Carolina? Don't be harder on yourself than you would be on him.

We've both agreed that there's not much value in hanging onto things we could have done differently, things that could have gone wrong. That's what this is. Something that could go wrong for him, unless he stays here.

I've been in that situation. But when everything's figured out here, maybe there'll be another option.

Maybe. You've got more experience with this sort of thing than I do.

It was easier for me, I think -- I knew there was nothing to go back to but he'd have that time in between. Would things change if he didn't go back? Would you go back and leave him here? There's a lot to think about with it.

Worst case scenario, I get tortured alone. Acceptable, I was the primary target anyway. And he stays safe. We could both stay here and our friends would be fine on their own.

Okay, that's not an acceptable worst case scenario to me, I doubt Wash would let it happen either. But trust me that these situations can have other options.

c; all the way at the end

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