We're talking away I don't know what I'm to say

[filloryfanatic]

WHO: Quentin Coldwater + You!
WHERE: Red Wings + Dreamscapes + around
WHEN: March 15th-31st
WHAT: Catch-all! Quentin's memories and general hanging around.
NOTES OR WARNINGS: Mental illness, possible suicidal thoughts, character death, all will be marked! Spoilers for The Magicians season 4.



1. Red Wings, whenever

[Quentin is trying to come up with ideas to make Red Wings more popular, and he is still learning the ropes of how this particular city works in terms of PR and marketing. He's making some headway, it's just a process. He has always been better with social media and online interaction than in person, like any stereotypical Millenial. He can be spotted wandering around the place taking pictures; usually 'artistic' intended shots, making the pool table look cooler for example of a nice shot of the bar all stocked.

Outside of that off-hours, he is usually there because everyone else is, or if he's waiting for Eliot's shift to be over. He's fairly shy outside of the people he already knows, but he'll look up if someone comes in or says hello and flash a smile, eager to talk. Quentin doesn't like being alone, he's only not great at asking for company. Otherwise he'll be reading up on his neural interface and nursing a drink.

He can also be found playing pool, helping bust tables for the rest of the staff, cleaning off surfaces to be helpful.]

2. Mental Hospital Dream - TW for mental illness, possible suicidal thoughts

[It is a very drab looking place, the hospital. Everything is in subdued colors and people move like they're sleepwalking down the halls. Doctors in white coats and nurses in blue or purple scrubs walk around, gently assisting dazed individuals to their rooms or to the common room spaces. No matter what is asked of the nurses, they will reply with 'that is not permitted,' and occasionally continue on to say 'because you can harm yourself and others.' The most populated area is the game room where there are puzzles and games happening, but occasionally people do confusing things, shout, scream, or get ushered off by doctors.

There are groups sitting in a circle, their words all sounding nothing more than a strange humming, as if they're opening their mouths and talking but nothing is coming out. Quentin himself can be seen in the far corner, by the windows, a pack of cards in front of him. There are at least three packs of cards that are strewn about on the floor around him, covering the wood floors. He is in gray sweatpants and a shirt, dark hair long, eyes heavily circled with lack of sleep and general hopelessness.]

No, no, I'm telling you, I'm telling you. It's real. I did it. I did.

[His hands shaking, a little manic, he takes the cards out and shuffles them, his fingers moving fast and intently. He either is talking to no one, himself, or whoever is nearby.]

Watch. [Quentin abruptly throws the cards, and for a second, a long beat, they freeze in the air. They hover and stay, and then all of a sudden crash to the floor. It was a miss it and blink moment. He swears and goes to the ground, trying to pick them all up.] No, I can do it, it works, I'm not crazy.


3. Fillory Love Shack Dream

[It's a very peaceful and simple spot in a pastoral type of clearing. A patch of land with a small modest hut, laundry line, a bed outside, and most importantly a large square white space with a stack of multi-colored tiles that all put together can fill up the space. About half of them are already in the mosaic, the rest nearby. The rest of the space seems designed to fit around this square, as if it's all that matters.

A slightly older Quentin can be found sorting the tiles, his hair long and held back in a ponytail. Nearby on the bed a boy of about five or six is sleeping, a blanket pulled up to his chin. Quentin frowns and sets one down that he was working on, adjusting the wedding ring on his finger. He glances up when he senses someone nearby.]

Want to give it a try? It's supposed to reflect the beauty of all life in a bunch of tiles. [He reaches down to pick up a nearby basket.] Peach or plum?

4. Mirror World Dream - TW for Death

[The Mirror World feels unsteady the moment you exist in it. It's in grays and black and whites, it feels unnatural, upside down. Even people used to feeling in control might sense something wrong in this place. Its hallways are long and all in confusing gray tones. It seems quiet, until a scream pierces the air. The scream of someone who is about to watch someone they love die and there's nothing they can do.

No, Alice screams, as Penny pulls her away. It's too late and some part of her knows that, but she can't help her denial. In the hallway, Penny pulls Alice in what appears to be slow motions out into it, her fighting the entire way, and the room inside was once large and beautiful with a very large mirror.

All movement seems to be slowed down to a fraction. The mirror mends, the man diving toward it dies, and the room explodes into eerily beautiful sparks of light. They are blinding as they shimmer throughout the room. Quentin is turned toward Alice and Penny as they escape and then he is torn apart by the light until nothing remains. The room freezes. It rewinds. It starts the memory over. Every time Quentin repeats the action that leads to his death, but if anyone else tries to get in the middle, it all will freeze in time at once. ]

5. Wildcard

[ooc: grab him on the street or somewhere else you want him to be, or message me at waftingcurtains on plurk to talk]

Comments

[strove]

Sometimes it's nice to have something that belongs to only you and someone else. [That's how the valley had felt for the longest time. It had been a place of peace: it presented an opportunity for Clarke and her daughter to live away from everything. She only wanted to open up the valley to her mother, to Kane, and to the people who had gone up into space. She knows that now. Having it invaded alerted her to that fact.]

But it might help to share, too. Especially with a friend like that. Getting the chance to let her know you found another piece of art to puzzle out with Eliot. [It might take time, but it does sound as if Quentin needs a mystery to solve and something to keep him on task.]

I'll help you find a way to let her know. I can promise you that.

[filloryfanatic]

Some of it had to do with what happened after. [They're already here, he might as well pick at a particular scab. It's mostly healed over, now that he knows his love is returned, but it's a piece.]

We shouldn't have had memories of this life together, the timeline was altered, but we got them back somehow. I told Eliot we should be together, and he turned me down.

[After fifty years and a sudden certainty of what mattered to him, it was the kind of backhand he didn't expect. It seemed to all make sense finally. Quentin just wants to be loved. He loves so strongly and all he can hope for is to find someone to feel the same way, to live and die for him like he does for them.]

He was scared I didn't mean it and I'd regret it later. We'd only been friends before that, kind of, but it didn't come out of no where either. And I guess I didn't want to explain all that to Jules. She probably would've meddled. Or been angry at him.

[And honestly maybe she should have, maybe they didn't tell their female best friends because Margo and Julia would've handled it very quickly and they were both licking their respective wounds or plunging into denial about it. ]

I just thought I'd have a chance later, to say everything I needed to, but that's kind of what everyone thinks before they die. That they'll have the time. But we don't have it, not really.

[strove]

[A private place away from everyone. A time stolen bit by bit, knowing that it might have consequences. Having to face those consequences in the long run. Clarke knows it all too well. She looks off into the trees, eyes glossing over as Quentin explains the full picture to her. She had only mere moments of time with Lexa before she moved on. Mere moments.

They were stolen, and they shouldn't have happened. If Clarke had left when Titus demanded it—

But then, there's no guarantee that things would've gone better. Jaha was nearing Polis then, planning to do what he could to get hold of ALIE 2.0.

She lets out a shaky breath.]

No, you never do. [It's spoken not as affirmation, but agreement. Clarke's been there, that's what her bearing says about her. She's been there, and she's been the one living on the other side.

For her, it's been six and a half years. One day she won't be reminded of Lexa. Today isn't that day.]

The important part is that you have it now. I know it sounds hollow, but if—if the person I lost turned up here, in this world, I wouldn't waste it. I know that neither of you are now. But being here proves that wrong in a way.

[Clarke knows she's unlikely to see Lexa turn up here. That seems impossible.

But she knows Lexa lived on in other places, in other worlds. That's enough for her for now.]

[filloryfanatic]

[Quentin can see that it's having an effect on him, what he's saying. It comes from experience, he knows that. The weight on her shoulders comes from someone with experience with loss, but this is a very particular type of grief. He's a widower. He wouldn't say he was ever over Ari. Raising Teddy meant he thought of her constantly, of the aspects in their son that reminded him of her, of what she would think of who he became.

He sees that grief in her now, a cut deep in the heart. Quentin turns his head to look at her, wondering if he should let it ride, since she is speaking from a place of pain. But they both are, truly. If he's learned anything from his experience with Clarke so far, it's that they both crave an equal give and take from the people around them.]

Can I ask who you are thinking of? Who did you lose?

[strove]

Lexa. [That doesn't answer any questions. There is a typical glossy sheen to how she holds herself at the moment: her eyes are wet, but she doesn't allow it to overtake her.] She was the leader of a band of people that my people met when we first went to the ground. I only had a short amount of time with her before I lost her for good.

[Clarke's explanation might be methodical in its wording, but the way she looks off and says it is different. There is emotion behind the words.

She breathes out a shaky breath.]

Do you know how some people show up who've been in similar situations to this one? Where they've all been dragged from different worlds, and then got dragged here instead of going home? [It's not a question that Quentin is meant to answer. Clarke assumes he's noticed this oddity by now. A number of people have asked after it, and Quentin is the type to collect clues.] Well, one man showed up and told me he met her elsewhere. Even though she died, she got to live on there. I ... found some peace in knowing that, even though I doubt she'd be happy without a life with the same purpose. Perhaps a version of me showed up there for her, though.

[filloryfanatic]

You loved her. [Quentin observes softly.] The kind of love that never goes away. [Quentin never loses love, not really. In some ways that can make trouble for him, because he's someone who can love multiple people at once, with all of his heart, and with all of the confusion that comes with. He's had to live without two of the great loves of his life, Alice and Ari, but it was Eliot's loss in this beautiful timeline that really broke him. It's a forever and beyond kind of love.

He nods to show that he has heard of those people, but that she doesn't need him to say as much, he just listens instead. He can absolutely see where she's coming from on that.]

I want my beloved to be happy. [Quentin smiles at her.] It's a storytelling trope, but honestly, it's just a human one. The idea that as long as someone you love is happy, you can be at peace, even if you can't be with them.[Arguabaly it's the sort of thing most people who have love in their hearts should feel, but humans aren't perfect and sometimes love can be very selfish.]

I'm active proof that the dead can stay on in these multiverse situations and find continued life and purpose. It sounds like she got lucky too. [That's how he sees this. Quentin may have been ready to die, but he doesn't want to be dead. He's lucky to be breathing.] I'm trying not to focus on the things I don't have, or that I can't have. [Like Julia, or answers, or any real closure.]

Who knows, if we manage to open up the multiverse and take your people here, who says we can't do it with the dead too? If I can do it, why wouldn't someone else?

[strove]

It's one thing to want someone else to be happy, and to want to be happy yourself. [To Clarke, it sounds like Quentin isn't able to find the secret to what would make things work for him. It's about the other people. Clarke can identify it so quickly because she can see herself in it. That need to set aside her own needs and wants.]

So ... I want to make sure that you are finding purpose, Quentin. I'm worried that you won't be. [Clarke doesn't even know the whole of it yet. She hasn't been inside of the simulation or seen how raw things can get for him.]

Please, let me know if it ever gets to the point that you need direction. I'll be here for you.

[Offering herself so easily. The Clarke Griffin way.]

[filloryfanatic]

This was the only place I was happy. [Quentin looks at Teddy and from a distance they can see the silhouettes of Eliot and Ari laughing and juggling peaches together, although the details of them are not precise. It's symbolic. He loved this life and he still was ready to give it up in exchange for fixing the loss of magic. And happiness was so hard to come by for him.] But I hope it won't be the last.

[Quentin smiles at her. He already felt close to her, like something was pulling them together from early on, but now that tie is being pulled taut. The connection is secure.] I've had a purpose and a destiny for awhile now, but ... I don't know what it is anymore. [Maybe that's the real key to why he talks so much of destiny, why he's obsessed with the idea that they are here for a reason.]

I'm happy to be directed, trust me. I've always kind of been better as the sidekick. Once my ego, you know, got over that.

[strove]

Destiny doesn't mean much if you don't find peace in it. [That's something that she strongly believes. Destiny, though, is in the eye of the beholder. In this case, Clarke doesn't believe that destiny matters unless someone believes it's who they are—and if it's their guiding purpose. Lexa insisted that she had been born for leadership, but she didn't see it that way. Lexa herself had been under the belief that she was meant to lead others. And, again, Clarke believes that only made sense because Lexa herself was well suited to that life and purpose.]

I'm not asking you to be a sidekick. I'm asking to help you whenever it's time. That's all.

maybe wrap on yours or call this a wrap? :)

[filloryfanatic]

Historically, people with a destiny don't have an easy or peaceful road. [There's hundred of books written about it.] I guess I thought my destiny was fulfilled with my death. Which is, you know, really harsh, but it made sense all put together. [By the end of that path, sacrifice felt like it was the answer to everything he'd been working up to. It felt like it was the only true end for him. And then he woke up here, and life has to go on.]

We're friends. You'll help me and I'll help you. We'll try to keep each other on ... whatever path is ahead of us now.

[He wonders if she thinks about helping others all the time and not herself. Quentin has a suspicion she does. He knows the type. He sort of is the type.]

Together, okay? [He looks over at her, searching for her gaze and the connection there.]

itsa done thread!

[strove]

[Destiny leading to mostly pain? It's something that checks out. It's probably also why Clarke is largely opposed to it conceptually. The lack of control. The fact that she can't choose her pain. None of it works for her.

Her life has been painful enough. Thinking it was fated to be that way—]

Together, [she says, agreeing with him.]