meadowlarklogs

So knowing magic means you can communicate with spirits, but do the spirits have to do with magic themselves?

They're magical entities all on their own, basically, and they can be a lot more powerful than humans. We can sense them, and they can sense us. It's like a... like attracts like thing. It's the same with some monsters, too.

Huh. I think there were things like spirits in the world of the Kyna from Hadriel, but I don't remember them being mentioned very often.

[He's pretty lost on this topic in general.]

Oh. Weird.

[She picks at the bandages on her right hand absently.]

Do I look cooler with elf ears?

[That gets a quiet huff of laughter.]

I mean, I can't lie, elf ears are pretty cool. I did get used to them after awhile and they lost some of the cool factor though.

[That gets a hesitant little smile out of her. She's trying not to think of the more frightening parts of this, like that he might know things about her and her family she's not sure she's ready to share with anyone yet. Or that she must seem so useless compared to a version of herself that could still use magic.]

Okay, so what's cooler about me?

[It's a difficult question because there's nothing light, like on the subject of having elf ears, to mention. But he can offer something almost joking, even if he means it--]

Um, it's pretty cool that you're not super angry with me about this. I don't think Kyna in Hadriel would've taken something like this so well.

[Not in this early a phase of knowing her, anyway.]

[She bites her lip, going quiet again as she considers that.]

It's... kind of weird. And I guess there's still stuff I'm worried about.

It's mega weird.

[And he's not surprised she's still worried either.]

What kind of stuff?

[She wrinkles her nose, hesitating.]

Like... I don't know. I don't know how to explain it.

[There's that old Kyna deflection.]

And it's probably going to sound stupid anyway.

[He might've been inclined to believe she genuinely didn't know how to explain if not for that next comment.]

It isn't going to sound stupid. I mean, this is kind of a situation that no one ever gets prepared for.

[Whatever she feels would've been valid no matter what, but in with something like this where it's completely uncharted territory there isn't even a metric for 'stupid' reactions anyway.]

[She makes a soft, frustrated sound, weighing her options. It is going to sound stupid, she has no doubt about that, but Lance has always been gentle and patient with her.

So. Okay.]

I guess I'm... I don't know. Afraid you're always going to compare us. Or maybe that I'll just be like... a replacement.

That's definitely not stupid, and it's the same thing I would worry about if this situation were flipped.

[And he'd been expecting it from the beginning, so on one hand he'd love if she didn't feel that way, but at the same time he's partially glad this is something he's prepared to deal with.

So he's quiet a moment longer, even though he'd already decided he'd be honest if this came up, trying to decide exactly how to put his words.]

I can't... I can't promise you that I'm not going to make comparisons, because that's something that just happens even between people who are nothing alike. But you're not a replacement. You're different people who share some personality aspects and a history that's not even the same, just similar in some ways.

[It would've been a lot more difficult if they'd been exactly the same except for the memory of Hadriel, but that's clearly not the case and he'd been pretty sure of that even before now.]

You're not a replacement for her and she wouldn't be a replacement for you, just like neither of you is a replacement for my friend Angela, who you both remind me a lot of and I think you'd like.

[And whose words about people moving in and out of your life, but the love you feel for them being no less real or important than the love in relationships that last forever, have been coming to mind a lot recently.]

[She eases up a bit. It helps, even if she knows it'll take time for that anxiety to fully dissipate. And now for the next part that's bothering her—]

I don't know how much about my past you know. Or how much... matches.

I really don't either. I mean, I can tell you what I do know, if that helps?

[It's... Not a long list, because he and Kyna in Hadriel hadn't really pried too much; they knew enough about each other that it wasn't like their pasts were complete mysteries, but there weren't that many details involved either aside for a subject here and there.]

Oh.

[For some reason, she didn't think he'd offer. She's not sure why.]

Yeah. Yeah, I think that would help a lot.

Okay, um, you already know that I knew about Nico and Lando, though not a lot; the Kyna in Hadriel got along with Nico pretty well, I think.

[From what he remembers, anyway.]

She had a pretty similar job to what you described yours being, and worked with two people called Harlan and Tucker, who were both in Hadriel too.

[He doesn't know if they exist for this Kyna though. But that's all that simple stuff, and he hesitates again, shifting on his feet before broaching the last big thing he knows about Hadriel Kyna's backstory.]

Her father was... Kind of a jerk.

[But he doesn't elaborate any further on that yet, waiting to see how she reacts first.]

[Nico isn't a sore subject. She adores her brother, and she'd tell Lance anything he wanted to know if he asked. Harlan and Tucker don't ring a bell at all, but as soon as he mentions her father, she tenses, just barely avoiding a flinch.]

Yeah. You could say that.

[Alright well that's definitely a similarity, he's just not sure to what extent and he's a bit concerned.]

I'm not judging; terrible fathers are way too common.

[Just making that clear, and he definitely knows this from experience even if he did eventually hit the odds with a good one.]

[She hadn't expected any judgment. It would be odd for a psychologist to judge about something like that, it's just... Everything about her father and his family is still an open wound, and the thought of someone knowing without her telling them is wildly uncomfortable.]

Yeah. I guess so.

[He chews on his lip a moment at that noncommittal answer, before deciding to just ask--]

Do you want to talk about it?

No.

[She makes a face, continuing more apologetically.]

Sorry, I just... I don't think there's a point.

You don't have to apologize, it's up to you.

[Whatever she does and doesn't want to talk about. But he's a little unsure how to proceed, so after a moment--]

That was pretty much it, I mean... We normally had enough current problems going on so we didn't talk about a lot of past stuff. We spent a lot of time gossiping about how irritating the people we were stuck with were.

[So much time gossiping. The thing to complain about never ended.]

People are irritating around here, too.

[So there's totally room for gossip. But—]

I feel like I barely know anything about you now.

I'll take your word for it; I think my bar for irritating is still really high from Hadriel.

[And oh no, he doesn't want to be the topic, though he also hesitates to totally deflect just because it's obvious she's been feeling vulnerable because of how much he knows about the other Kyna and, by extension, somewhat about her. So he hesitates several seconds, trying to decide how to proceed, which probably ruins the attempt at sounding casual--]

There's not a lot to know about me; I'm pretty boring except for the degrees.

[And the going to college early thing. That's the main safe talking point he has when people ask about his background.]

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