Quentin Coldwater (![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png)
filloryfanatic) wrote in ![[community profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/community.png)
meadowlarklogs2020-03-07 09:08 pm
filloryfanatic) wrote in meadowlarklogs2020-03-07 09:08 pm
We're talking away I don't know what I'm to say
WHO: Quentin Coldwater + You!
WHERE: Red Wings + Dreamscapes + around
WHEN: March 15th-31st
WHAT: Catch-all! Quentin's memories and general hanging around.
NOTES OR WARNINGS: Mental illness, possible suicidal thoughts, character death, all will be marked! Spoilers for The Magicians season 4.
1. Red Wings, whenever
[Quentin is trying to come up with ideas to make Red Wings more popular, and he is still learning the ropes of how this particular city works in terms of PR and marketing. He's making some headway, it's just a process. He has always been better with social media and online interaction than in person, like any stereotypical Millenial. He can be spotted wandering around the place taking pictures; usually 'artistic' intended shots, making the pool table look cooler for example of a nice shot of the bar all stocked.
Outside of that off-hours, he is usually there because everyone else is, or if he's waiting for Eliot's shift to be over. He's fairly shy outside of the people he already knows, but he'll look up if someone comes in or says hello and flash a smile, eager to talk. Quentin doesn't like being alone, he's only not great at asking for company. Otherwise he'll be reading up on his neural interface and nursing a drink.
He can also be found playing pool, helping bust tables for the rest of the staff, cleaning off surfaces to be helpful.]
2. Mental Hospital Dream - TW for mental illness, possible suicidal thoughts
[It is a very drab looking place, the hospital. Everything is in subdued colors and people move like they're sleepwalking down the halls. Doctors in white coats and nurses in blue or purple scrubs walk around, gently assisting dazed individuals to their rooms or to the common room spaces. No matter what is asked of the nurses, they will reply with 'that is not permitted,' and occasionally continue on to say 'because you can harm yourself and others.' The most populated area is the game room where there are puzzles and games happening, but occasionally people do confusing things, shout, scream, or get ushered off by doctors.
There are groups sitting in a circle, their words all sounding nothing more than a strange humming, as if they're opening their mouths and talking but nothing is coming out. Quentin himself can be seen in the far corner, by the windows, a pack of cards in front of him. There are at least three packs of cards that are strewn about on the floor around him, covering the wood floors. He is in gray sweatpants and a shirt, dark hair long, eyes heavily circled with lack of sleep and general hopelessness.]
No, no, I'm telling you, I'm telling you. It's real. I did it. I did.
[His hands shaking, a little manic, he takes the cards out and shuffles them, his fingers moving fast and intently. He either is talking to no one, himself, or whoever is nearby.]
Watch. [Quentin abruptly throws the cards, and for a second, a long beat, they freeze in the air. They hover and stay, and then all of a sudden crash to the floor. It was a miss it and blink moment. He swears and goes to the ground, trying to pick them all up.] No, I can do it, it works, I'm not crazy.
3. Fillory Love Shack Dream
[It's a very peaceful and simple spot in a pastoral type of clearing. A patch of land with a small modest hut, laundry line, a bed outside, and most importantly a large square white space with a stack of multi-colored tiles that all put together can fill up the space. About half of them are already in the mosaic, the rest nearby. The rest of the space seems designed to fit around this square, as if it's all that matters.
A slightly older Quentin can be found sorting the tiles, his hair long and held back in a ponytail. Nearby on the bed a boy of about five or six is sleeping, a blanket pulled up to his chin. Quentin frowns and sets one down that he was working on, adjusting the wedding ring on his finger. He glances up when he senses someone nearby.]
Want to give it a try? It's supposed to reflect the beauty of all life in a bunch of tiles. [He reaches down to pick up a nearby basket.] Peach or plum?
4. Mirror World Dream - TW for Death
[The Mirror World feels unsteady the moment you exist in it. It's in grays and black and whites, it feels unnatural, upside down. Even people used to feeling in control might sense something wrong in this place. Its hallways are long and all in confusing gray tones. It seems quiet, until a scream pierces the air. The scream of someone who is about to watch someone they love die and there's nothing they can do.
No, Alice screams, as Penny pulls her away. It's too late and some part of her knows that, but she can't help her denial. In the hallway, Penny pulls Alice in what appears to be slow motions out into it, her fighting the entire way, and the room inside was once large and beautiful with a very large mirror.
All movement seems to be slowed down to a fraction. The mirror mends, the man diving toward it dies, and the room explodes into eerily beautiful sparks of light. They are blinding as they shimmer throughout the room. Quentin is turned toward Alice and Penny as they escape and then he is torn apart by the light until nothing remains. The room freezes. It rewinds. It starts the memory over. Every time Quentin repeats the action that leads to his death, but if anyone else tries to get in the middle, it all will freeze in time at once. ]
5. Wildcard
[ooc: grab him on the street or somewhere else you want him to be, or message me at waftingcurtains on plurk to talk]
WHERE: Red Wings + Dreamscapes + around
WHEN: March 15th-31st
WHAT: Catch-all! Quentin's memories and general hanging around.
NOTES OR WARNINGS: Mental illness, possible suicidal thoughts, character death, all will be marked! Spoilers for The Magicians season 4.
1. Red Wings, whenever
[Quentin is trying to come up with ideas to make Red Wings more popular, and he is still learning the ropes of how this particular city works in terms of PR and marketing. He's making some headway, it's just a process. He has always been better with social media and online interaction than in person, like any stereotypical Millenial. He can be spotted wandering around the place taking pictures; usually 'artistic' intended shots, making the pool table look cooler for example of a nice shot of the bar all stocked.
Outside of that off-hours, he is usually there because everyone else is, or if he's waiting for Eliot's shift to be over. He's fairly shy outside of the people he already knows, but he'll look up if someone comes in or says hello and flash a smile, eager to talk. Quentin doesn't like being alone, he's only not great at asking for company. Otherwise he'll be reading up on his neural interface and nursing a drink.
He can also be found playing pool, helping bust tables for the rest of the staff, cleaning off surfaces to be helpful.]
2. Mental Hospital Dream - TW for mental illness, possible suicidal thoughts
[It is a very drab looking place, the hospital. Everything is in subdued colors and people move like they're sleepwalking down the halls. Doctors in white coats and nurses in blue or purple scrubs walk around, gently assisting dazed individuals to their rooms or to the common room spaces. No matter what is asked of the nurses, they will reply with 'that is not permitted,' and occasionally continue on to say 'because you can harm yourself and others.' The most populated area is the game room where there are puzzles and games happening, but occasionally people do confusing things, shout, scream, or get ushered off by doctors.
There are groups sitting in a circle, their words all sounding nothing more than a strange humming, as if they're opening their mouths and talking but nothing is coming out. Quentin himself can be seen in the far corner, by the windows, a pack of cards in front of him. There are at least three packs of cards that are strewn about on the floor around him, covering the wood floors. He is in gray sweatpants and a shirt, dark hair long, eyes heavily circled with lack of sleep and general hopelessness.]
No, no, I'm telling you, I'm telling you. It's real. I did it. I did.
[His hands shaking, a little manic, he takes the cards out and shuffles them, his fingers moving fast and intently. He either is talking to no one, himself, or whoever is nearby.]
Watch. [Quentin abruptly throws the cards, and for a second, a long beat, they freeze in the air. They hover and stay, and then all of a sudden crash to the floor. It was a miss it and blink moment. He swears and goes to the ground, trying to pick them all up.] No, I can do it, it works, I'm not crazy.
3. Fillory Love Shack Dream
[It's a very peaceful and simple spot in a pastoral type of clearing. A patch of land with a small modest hut, laundry line, a bed outside, and most importantly a large square white space with a stack of multi-colored tiles that all put together can fill up the space. About half of them are already in the mosaic, the rest nearby. The rest of the space seems designed to fit around this square, as if it's all that matters.
A slightly older Quentin can be found sorting the tiles, his hair long and held back in a ponytail. Nearby on the bed a boy of about five or six is sleeping, a blanket pulled up to his chin. Quentin frowns and sets one down that he was working on, adjusting the wedding ring on his finger. He glances up when he senses someone nearby.]
Want to give it a try? It's supposed to reflect the beauty of all life in a bunch of tiles. [He reaches down to pick up a nearby basket.] Peach or plum?
4. Mirror World Dream - TW for Death
[The Mirror World feels unsteady the moment you exist in it. It's in grays and black and whites, it feels unnatural, upside down. Even people used to feeling in control might sense something wrong in this place. Its hallways are long and all in confusing gray tones. It seems quiet, until a scream pierces the air. The scream of someone who is about to watch someone they love die and there's nothing they can do.
No, Alice screams, as Penny pulls her away. It's too late and some part of her knows that, but she can't help her denial. In the hallway, Penny pulls Alice in what appears to be slow motions out into it, her fighting the entire way, and the room inside was once large and beautiful with a very large mirror.
All movement seems to be slowed down to a fraction. The mirror mends, the man diving toward it dies, and the room explodes into eerily beautiful sparks of light. They are blinding as they shimmer throughout the room. Quentin is turned toward Alice and Penny as they escape and then he is torn apart by the light until nothing remains. The room freezes. It rewinds. It starts the memory over. Every time Quentin repeats the action that leads to his death, but if anyone else tries to get in the middle, it all will freeze in time at once. ]
5. Wildcard
[ooc: grab him on the street or somewhere else you want him to be, or message me at waftingcurtains on plurk to talk]
no subject
Some could say that she learned that from Clarke, but Clarke did everything in her power to keep Madi from finding out the actions she took. She told her about everyone else and never herself.]
So good that she stands apart from everyone in my world. I don't know that it was the six years she had, or the fact that her people protected her before I found her—[A rare point of clarification, but Clarke doesn't make it just so he knows she didn't give birth. That doesn't matter. Madi is her daughter, plain and simple.]
I don't know. But she always knows how to do the right thing, and will fight for it. I wish I knew that when I was her age.
no subject
It's probably a mix of things, before you found her, your time together, her own personality that's nature over nurture, all of it together stitched up to one full person. [And it sounds like a very good one, the type of one to be proud of and remember well.] She knows how to do that in part because of you, Clarke. The thing about being a parent is that you put good and bad on them, and hope they take the best part of it instead. It sounds like she did.
[He pushes a stray strand of hair over his eyes back.]
My relationship with my parents was rocky, my mother at least, and I always worried I was going to bring my baggage with me for Teddy. But he's such a great kid.
[He looks over at the boy and smiles.]
What I did best in my multiple lifetimes was love him unconditionally. He didn't grow up ever doubting I loved him. And he did the same for his kids. [Quentin grins.] Yep, I was a grandfather too.
[It's so funny and random. He bumps her shoulder playfully with his, smiling at her.]
You love her so deeply it's obvious. That's what kids really need.
no subject
[She smiles, looking off. Clarke always writes herself out of these comparisons. Even in sharing her life with Madi, she had said so little about herself. It was always what other people accomplished. What decisions they made. How they did it.
She was secondary to it all.]
To tell you the truth, I haven't thought much about what Madi would be older. She's still just a—kid. My daughter. But she's had to do more than even I did at her age. The hard stuff came for me later.
[As she talks, it's apparent: she does love Madi more than anything. Her daughter defines so much of her, but Clarke has to be more than that. She's learned as much, too.]
no subject
He doesn't want it to happen again, but it's out of his hands. It's easier to accept in this place and more difficult in New Amsterdam. He smiles as he takes in these details she's willingly giving him, about her father, about her daughter and their relationship. He's liked Clarke from the moment he met her, and there's nothing better than actively feeling a friendship deepen with connection.]
The older we get the more complex life becomes. I planned on giving him the perfect life, which of course is impossible, but I was determined. [Quentin wanted kids but they seemed this far off concept when he couldn't even get a healthy relationship going before being stranded here.] And then Ari died and there was no way for him to have that perfect childhood.
[Teddy had two parents still, but growing up so young without a mother was still hard.]
Did it make you think back about your relationship with your own parents? I feel like I could see more clearly that they really were doing their best.
no subject
But at the same time, her mother couldn't focus on her alone. Neither could her father. There were a lot of years there where Clarke was able to make friends and be more of her own person. In that, it was different.]
Madi and I were alone, though. It was a situation kind of like this one, isolated and away from everyone I cared about. [Not "we." Madi's people were dead.] I couldn't give her a perfect life, but I gave her all of myself. I don't know if that was necessarily good in the long term. I'm still figuring it out.
no subject
[He takes in a deep breath and lets it out.] Alone. My father died recently and then ... I died too. [This is not something he has shared with many people, but he is not hiding it so much as trying to stop from putting his issues on them. This place is calming and he's already lived and died here, it feels less like a weight on his chest to speak about it. Yet at the same time, he's never asked Eliot if he knows how his mom is.]
I've died a few times now, actually. [Here, in other timelines, in situations where they could change how it all went.] But this one was for good, before I came to New Amsterdam. [He's spoken with Klaus about it a few times now, it is how they bonded in the first place. Quentin feels the grief come to him but he tries to smile through it.]
no subject
The words make her throat catch. Even though it's a dream, all of her physiological responses are there. If Quentin catches her gaze, he'll see the tears in her eyes, the slight bunching of her chin, the furrowing of her eyebrows: she's crying, and Clarke's the type of crier who wears it obviously. Her hand curls toward his arm a little more, pressing it against her.
Clarke is someone who loves fiercely and strongly. It comes to her easily. Her handling of situations is often more cunning, more manipulative, than they have to be. But it's not without an ounce of care. She isn't driven by passion—and has only been blinded by her emotions once, thanks to her drive to protect her daughter—but she is driven by her love for others. It's factual. A constant, really.]
I know what that's like. That's how it was for my mom, too, for a while. It's not the same, but she—she's feared I was dead more than once. Because of things I did or circumstances I really shouldn't have survived. [The words are rote and unnecessary, spoken to fill the silence. They aren't important. He's referring to his mom, after all.]
We have a plan. Some of us want to carve out a piece of this world. I want you to join us when we make it happen. [That's the important part. The words that matter most.]
no subject
She never knew the dangers I was putting myself in. It'll seem so random to her, and I'm not sure they'll explain. Magic isn't public knowledge.
[If his friends tried to explain that her son died saving people, saving the world, Quentin doesn't know if she'd believe them. Probably not. Saving another person, possibly, but their magical battles were over her head. He only told his dad. He'll never get the chance to explain to her, and he wonders now if he robbed them of that.
He moves his arm so he can instead take her hand, threading his fingers with hers. A simple gesture but one of friendship and he feels better, stronger, when he is holding onto someone else.]
I want that too. Thanks for the invite. [He playfully nudges her shoulder with his.] I know it sounds strange to say, but I'm grateful? For all this. I feel bad, because I know it's not what anyone else really wants, people are stuck here, but I'm just ... glad to be alive.
no subject
She knows the Displaced would welcome her people. They've welcomed her, and she's told them enough about herself.]
When I first got here, I hadn't even met my daughter yet. It happened right after I ... "got back," so to speak. But when I first showed up, I thought I was due to spend six years alone, and that's not counting whether I'd even see my people again. I didn't know that I would. I knew I wanted to stay then. That was selfish. [She knows that now.] But I've learned that I'm not the only one. It's not just about us, it's about what we could return to, and who we were before.
[They can be better. Do better. Not be limited in the same way.]
You'd be surprised how much you're not alone in that. In a lot of ways. You'll see.
omg your margot and clarke message killed me
Eliot really wants us to like keep our heads down and avoid trouble. I know he's frustrated that I always have to get involved in things.
[Does it matter why they're there if it's the only reason Quentin's alive? Why not just be happy about that and start over? Quentin isn't capable of that, and they both know that, but he really does understand where Eliot's coming from.]
I just died for him, and we never got to say goodbye. It's really weighing on him, but I don't know how else to be.
[They were here in this paradise, for them, married, raising a child, and like Quentin said before, it didn't stop him from trying to solve the puzzle and make up for losing magic. That's what he does. His death only underlined the choice that he would continue to make for another forty timelines if he had to.]
If we can figure out a way to help other people get home, or to bring people here who would want it to happen, we should do that.
no subject
I believe that we can, you know. Being here is proof of that. If we can find a way to use this experience, these dreams, and help the world outside, I think we'll be able to do just about anything.
[The difficult part will be getting them all on the same page. So far, there have been very few actively destructive members of the Displaced. They've been lucky. They want to do good.
But Clarke doesn't believe they're chosen for any particular reason. So, she doesn't know whether to count on that staying the same way.]
no subject
[It's an obvious solution, and one he's sure she's thought of, but they're still searching for the people responsible at the moment. Who are really good at hiding, apparently, even with them constantly dropping them off into spots and drugging them. Quentin assumes when they finally catch them, they'll be able to control a lot more about their lives, so it's the chase that matters now.]
But I'm not sure. Tears in the multiverse, sometimes they get too much. We'd have to be careful.
[This little pocket universe of theirs was nothing dangerous, and Jane only changed timelines with the smallest details, because being reckless with the fabric of the universe was not a good idea. Quentin really isn't sure if whoever is behind this has that kind of foresight; they could be making this tear worse by the day.]
So you'd want to bring your daughter here? Who else?
no subject
The place where we are won't be sustainable for us. It was a ... hope, a chance at living after our home was destroyed, but we know now that this isn't possible.
[It's another place with war. Her version of events isn't altogether truthful, but she can't see where they can thrive there. The religion around the Primes is toxic and unsustainable. Their people are already hurting for it.
She's already hurt for it.]
I want us to go somewhere where we're wanted. Where we can help, too.
no subject
We have access to new cities now, but there might be more we could get to. And you could pick one that needs a little more help than the others.
[New Amsterdam's already crowded.]
If this is the life I have, I definitely want to see all the options, I think. If there was a PhD on portal studying, I could easily spend five years of my life writing a thesis in my head.
[It's not surprising in some ways all he wants to do is get back to school or back to exploring. There was a time he looked at the world with excited wide eyes, and he still has that quality to him, but death and devastation tainted it.]
I wish I could say this place is better than my home, so I could have a reason to want my friends to be here, but it's not true. As shitty as it can be, it's still a healthier place, with more opportunities for their futures. I died so they could have a better shot. [He sighs and swallows through the grief unasked for coming to his throat.] But it's hard to know I'll never see them again.
no subject
Either way, the important thing is that it's a future you want. You have that now. Those portals studies could be a way of getting to see the friends you've lost.
[Clarke wouldn't bet on it, but it's hard to say.
After all, a few days after this she'll end up discussing whether having associations with deities could make them immortal.]
no subject
You know, the funny thing that no one told me was how much math it took to do magic. [It's why it doesn't matter if someone can do magic, many people have the ability, but learning how to do it is a different thing entirely.] It's kind of like calculating atoms. There's a lot of physics in how the universes works and how we carve out pieces of it for spells.
[Quentin realizes the enthusiasm is back in his voice, taken away from his grief, but talking about nerd stuff does that for him.]
So yeah, maybe that's another way of looking at this world too. Scientifically and spiritually or ... whatever we want to call these powers and glow. [The term honestly doesn't matter. Labels can change.]
I'd really like to see Julia. We didn't get to say goodbye. She's my best and oldest friend.
[Where one of them left off the other one picked up, and despite a time when they weren't together, it didn't end up being that hard to pick up their relationship again. They did have some bonding toward the end, but then she was possessed too. Their baggage at least was resolved, before he died.]
I didn't tell her about this place, or about Teddy. It was like this piece that El and I held onto as ours.
no subject
But it might help to share, too. Especially with a friend like that. Getting the chance to let her know you found another piece of art to puzzle out with Eliot. [It might take time, but it does sound as if Quentin needs a mystery to solve and something to keep him on task.]
I'll help you find a way to let her know. I can promise you that.
no subject
We shouldn't have had memories of this life together, the timeline was altered, but we got them back somehow. I told Eliot we should be together, and he turned me down.
[After fifty years and a sudden certainty of what mattered to him, it was the kind of backhand he didn't expect. It seemed to all make sense finally. Quentin just wants to be loved. He loves so strongly and all he can hope for is to find someone to feel the same way, to live and die for him like he does for them.]
He was scared I didn't mean it and I'd regret it later. We'd only been friends before that, kind of, but it didn't come out of no where either. And I guess I didn't want to explain all that to Jules. She probably would've meddled. Or been angry at him.
[And honestly maybe she should have, maybe they didn't tell their female best friends because Margo and Julia would've handled it very quickly and they were both licking their respective wounds or plunging into denial about it. ]
I just thought I'd have a chance later, to say everything I needed to, but that's kind of what everyone thinks before they die. That they'll have the time. But we don't have it, not really.
no subject
They were stolen, and they shouldn't have happened. If Clarke had left when Titus demanded it—
But then, there's no guarantee that things would've gone better. Jaha was nearing Polis then, planning to do what he could to get hold of ALIE 2.0.
She lets out a shaky breath.]
No, you never do. [It's spoken not as affirmation, but agreement. Clarke's been there, that's what her bearing says about her. She's been there, and she's been the one living on the other side.
For her, it's been six and a half years. One day she won't be reminded of Lexa. Today isn't that day.]
The important part is that you have it now. I know it sounds hollow, but if—if the person I lost turned up here, in this world, I wouldn't waste it. I know that neither of you are now. But being here proves that wrong in a way.
[Clarke knows she's unlikely to see Lexa turn up here. That seems impossible.
But she knows Lexa lived on in other places, in other worlds. That's enough for her for now.]
no subject
He sees that grief in her now, a cut deep in the heart. Quentin turns his head to look at her, wondering if he should let it ride, since she is speaking from a place of pain. But they both are, truly. If he's learned anything from his experience with Clarke so far, it's that they both crave an equal give and take from the people around them.]
Can I ask who you are thinking of? Who did you lose?
no subject
[Clarke's explanation might be methodical in its wording, but the way she looks off and says it is different. There is emotion behind the words.
She breathes out a shaky breath.]
Do you know how some people show up who've been in similar situations to this one? Where they've all been dragged from different worlds, and then got dragged here instead of going home? [It's not a question that Quentin is meant to answer. Clarke assumes he's noticed this oddity by now. A number of people have asked after it, and Quentin is the type to collect clues.] Well, one man showed up and told me he met her elsewhere. Even though she died, she got to live on there. I ... found some peace in knowing that, even though I doubt she'd be happy without a life with the same purpose. Perhaps a version of me showed up there for her, though.
no subject
He nods to show that he has heard of those people, but that she doesn't need him to say as much, he just listens instead. He can absolutely see where she's coming from on that.]
I want my beloved to be happy. [Quentin smiles at her.] It's a storytelling trope, but honestly, it's just a human one. The idea that as long as someone you love is happy, you can be at peace, even if you can't be with them.[Arguabaly it's the sort of thing most people who have love in their hearts should feel, but humans aren't perfect and sometimes love can be very selfish.]
I'm active proof that the dead can stay on in these multiverse situations and find continued life and purpose. It sounds like she got lucky too. [That's how he sees this. Quentin may have been ready to die, but he doesn't want to be dead. He's lucky to be breathing.] I'm trying not to focus on the things I don't have, or that I can't have. [Like Julia, or answers, or any real closure.]
Who knows, if we manage to open up the multiverse and take your people here, who says we can't do it with the dead too? If I can do it, why wouldn't someone else?
no subject
So ... I want to make sure that you are finding purpose, Quentin. I'm worried that you won't be. [Clarke doesn't even know the whole of it yet. She hasn't been inside of the simulation or seen how raw things can get for him.]
Please, let me know if it ever gets to the point that you need direction. I'll be here for you.
[Offering herself so easily. The Clarke Griffin way.]
no subject
[Quentin smiles at her. He already felt close to her, like something was pulling them together from early on, but now that tie is being pulled taut. The connection is secure.] I've had a purpose and a destiny for awhile now, but ... I don't know what it is anymore. [Maybe that's the real key to why he talks so much of destiny, why he's obsessed with the idea that they are here for a reason.]
I'm happy to be directed, trust me. I've always kind of been better as the sidekick. Once my ego, you know, got over that.
no subject
I'm not asking you to be a sidekick. I'm asking to help you whenever it's time. That's all.
maybe wrap on yours or call this a wrap? :)
itsa done thread!